Matty stumbles and hits the ground, just as the fucker who’s driving like a damn maniac whips around a corner and I move. I’ve stepped in front of Matty and stare down the ’Stang that’s coming my way, not even considering that this could be the last breath I pull into my body.
I’d see my sister again, but I’d leave Matty – and Sera – behind. I’m not prepared to that.
I don’t even hear the fucker brake as my fist hits the hood of his car, and either I’ve lost feeling in my legs out of fear, or the fucking front bumper broke both my legs and I haven’t felt it yet.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” I roar, my voice echoing in the lot. I sound a hundred times bigger than I am, I sound like a superhero that Sera loves. “It’s not fucking NASCAR, you fucking asshole!”
My heart’s a battering ram in my chest, and my eye contact with the shit-head driver makes me wish I could reach through the windshield and start throttling him with my bare hands.
Rage swims in my veins, my bones are light as air and it would be so easy to round the car and teach this shit a lesson. Until sound pummels me back to reality where I’ve got Matty in my arms without remembering doing so.
My hand punches into the hood, and I don’t even feel the abrasion on my skin. Matty’s heart is beating incredibly fast next to mine, and his forehead is plastered to my neck – his breathing’s fast, and I have no idea where Sera is.
A fucking teenager opens the driver’s door and, completely pale, looks at me dumbstruck by what just happened. Can stupidity be beaten out of people? ’Cause I wanna try.
My lips have pulled back from my teeth, and with a clarity I’ve only ever had that day when Sera found me in the hall, I know with a crushing realization that I could have lost Jules’ kid. He would have been rag doll on the pavement if this fucker had got his way.
Sera’s here.
She’s grabbing my hand that’s starting to smart, and she’s saying my name, but I want to give this kid in front of me the whaling of his life.
The shithead says sorry, and that lights me up again, and I’m yelling but fuck if I know what I’m actually saying.
“Let’s just go, please. You know where the kid lives, you can always beat him up later, all right? Let’s get Matty to daycare. C’mon, Hunter. C’mon,” she says, moving me little by little from my target. I let myself follow.
“Goddamn it, Matty, who the fuck told you to run off like that? Fuck. Just, fuck.”
Why are you fucking yelling at him? Why?
I’m scared, I’m so scared I don’t know what to do with myself. Better to get angry.
“Here take him, put him in his car seat.” I hand Sera the kid.
I need to blow off some steam, and I need to move and get the feeling back in my legs. I need to breathe, I need to apologize and I need to get on with my day – all in that order.
Colours swirl over my blinking eyes, and I know my sugar’s starting to drop, or hell, maybe it’s been all this time but I was too scared to deal with it then.
I’m crashing; I’m crashing hard.
I keep pacing up and down the hall, watching without seeing Sera put Matty on the trunk and speak to him in a quiet voice. I’ve probably gone and fucked him up some more by yelling at him. The kid’s so scared he didn’t even demand a quarter.
If you didn’t do something, he wouldn’t be here, potentially yelling at you for saying a bad word.
Jesus Christ, Jules, how do I keep doing this? How do I keep him safe? How do I stop worrying?
Jules? Please help me?
I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m so tired, I’m so tired of being bad at this. Please help, Jules. Help me out.
I don’t know how long I pace, up and down, up and down, until Sera’s suddenly in front of me, and I have to halt myself to a stop before I mow her down too.
“Let’s get going,” she says, her voice soft and quiet.
I stuff my hands in my pockets and rock back on my heels. My stomach’s roiling and the colours are swirling and I’m not sure how much longer I have until I stop making sense.
“Sera, he could have died. God, he could have died.” I’m shaking, the only reason why I know it is ’cause Sera wraps herself around me and hugs me tight.
“He’s all I have left, and he could have died.”
“But he didn’t. You saved him, Superman. You were incredible, you really were. I’m sorry I couldn’t move. I’ve never reacted that way before.”
It’s not her job to save him; it’s mine.
But then, Sera saved me so I guess it’s all the same.
“He’s my responsibility. You shouldn’t need to do anything for him.”