Never Been Loved(91)

I’ve got a million things to say but my voice doesn’t seem to be working. My brain’s gone white-noise and I’m sure if it’s a sugar low or this woman is giving me health problems all on her own.

“C’mon, c’mon! I have to go to school today, and then Daddy will drive you to work!”

Panic hits her face. “No, no. Really, I’m just going to take the metro and-”

No way is she getting off that easy. I move my hand under her loose hair, and cup the back of her neck, touching the soft skin there. I hold back my grin when she starts shivering. I like that a fucking lot.

“Sera. I’m going to drive you. That’s all there is to it.”

Easy there, don’t make her bolt.

“I would really, really like to take the metro. Have a good day at daycare, little buddy, but-”

“Matty, cover your ears. Now.” I cut her off, and the kid looks up at me with an expression of utter shock, I don’t know why I’m not laughing.

Sera shakes her head, trying to get the kid between us going one-on-one. I hate that she needs to do that with me.

“Don’t, it’s okay, Matty-” she tries to tell him, but I’m done.

“Block your ears, kid. Now.”

I slide my arm across Sera’s shoulders, down her arm and get our fingers linked together while I usher her towards the elevator. Matty has his hands clapped over his ears, staring straight ahead, at least pretending to be oblivious to this entire conversation.

“Sera. What the fuck? What happened after I left?” I ask quietly, even though my skin’s vibrating and I’m more on edge than I’ve ever been. My sugar’s stable, I know that, since I checked before leaving. Still, I go through all the hypotheticals and get sucked into the am I getting a low? Am I? before I force myself to focus on her face.

She just has to chew on that lip, the lip I want on my mouth right now so bad, I don’t care if the kid’s here with me. I don’t care at all.

“We just kissed, okay? It was just a kiss. No big deal.” She says it like she doesn’t believe it, then looks down at her kicks without so much as glancing at me.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? What the hell happened after I left? Who did you talk to? Who twisted everything around? Sera?”

Watch it, man, you’re pulverizing her hand.

I watch her swallow like I caught her in a lie. “Nobody twisted anything around. We just kissed, and it was a bad idea. This...whatever this is. For the love of the Winchesters, this chemistry, attraction, what-the-frak-ever – why did Aly come see you the night before? For what reason?”

I’m not letting Aly ruin this for me. I can’t, not now when I finally have a chance.

“She came to see me. I haven’t been answering her calls or texts for over two months. Ever since that day I went to the hospital. I’ve told you this already.”

Relax, man, keep your tone down. Don’t push the asshole front.

Sera yanks her hand out of mine, and she’s looking at me like I’m worse than dirt.

“I won’t be a sidepiece.” She says the words like they’re law.

“I didn’t ask you to be one. I want to be with you. I thought I made myself very clear,” I tell her, and twitch when the elevator doors chime open for us.

“I don’t understand what’s happening. Are we in a relationship? Because we’re not following the traditional steps and all.”

She’s fucking adorable and sexy and I want her so bad right now. I need her so bad.

I end up grinning. “Fuck. Even when you drive me crazy, you do it all cute-like.” I get her cheeks in both my hands and lightly press my mouth against hers. Her whole nervousness about it has me getting nervous. I mean, fuck, I never doubted my skill before but maybe it’s about time.

“Can I listen now?” Matty asks. I look down at him and his head is moving from me to Sera and back with his hand still over his ears. “Can I? Can I?”

“Sure, kiddo. Let’s get you to daycare, yeah?”

The fight’s not over, but the trip down to the basement is quiet, until Matty yells shotgun and rips out of the elevator lobby and into the parking lot without looking both ways like I taught him.

When I hear the sound of rubbers squealing on pavement, white noise fills my head, and I’m not paying attention to anything but my nephew.

MOVE! A voice inside my head yells at me – sounding a hell of a lot like Jules.

I can’t lose her kid, too. I can’t do that.

I’m not going to ruin anymore lives.

It’s like running through a tunnel on a treadmill. I’m watching Matty run towards my car parked on the far side of the lot. The stink of gasoline hits my nose and I hit a patch of oil under one of my boots, but I feel like I’m stuck in molasses, expending all the energy without moving an inch.