Never Been Loved(90)

With her in front of me, I turn her to the door before she can let me out. Her back’s against it now, and she looks up at me with a confused and completely bewildered expression.

“What did I say? What put that look on your face, baby?” I lean in close so we touch everywhere possible.

“It’s nice to be liked, you know?”

I just stare like an idiot. I lean in closer to her, giving a stiff nod for no reason.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” Her eyes are so damn green, but she doesn’t say anything. “Yes or no?”

I know why. Sometimes you just can’t get the words out, you just can’t.

She wraps herself around me and we’re full on making out, me pushing her into the wall without realizing I’m probably causing some internal organ damage.

I’m having trouble catching my breath when we pull apart, but I’m grinning like an idiot who’s been hit over the head too many times. Leaning in again, ’cause I’m a sadistic bastard, a kiss her cheek and open her door without saying goodbye.

There doesn’t seem a reason to, not now.

I walk into my apartment, lock the door behind me, and chuck off all my clothes until I’m in nothing but my boxers and dive face-first on my bed. I’m going to take an hour nap, then I’ll go get the kid.

Try as I might, I can’t relax enough to fall asleep. I’m all twisted up inside, and I flop onto my back and stare at the ceiling, trying to figure shit out.

Someone or something really did a number on her. I want her to tell me, when she thinks I’m ready to hear it. I lean over and palm my phone from my discarded jeans pocket and type without thinking.

Me: What are you doing? I’m all about being smooth.

Sera: Texting you, obviously.

Me: Snarky. I like it.

Sera: That’s good, I guess.

Me: Can I ask you something?

Sera: Sure.

Me: Who told you you were a bad kisser?

Sera: Uh, I’d rather not divulge the source.

Well, I didn’t think she’d actually tell me. She probably saw the look of murder in my eyes when she told me in the first place.

Me: Why? I’m getting ready to string my web of lies.

Sera: You’ll end up beating him up, maybe going to jail, and orange is not a good colour on you. I wouldn’t mind you getting more tats, but then Matty and I will have to see you behind bars, and I kinda really like having you live next door.

I grin like a sap. She’s got me, hook, line and sinker.

Me: Fuck, now you’re being cute. Can I come over and kiss you again?

Sera: Tomorrow. Drive safe when you go and pick up Matty, ok?

Me: Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, baby.

I decide to take a really long cold shower. Sera’s got me all riled up, and grinning like I’m the luckiest asshole on the planet.





Chapter 24



I know exactly what’s going to happen. Just when I think I have her, Sera probably convinces herself that she’s better off without me.

The fact is, I can’t blame her.

Who wants a diabetic, let alone two to care of?

Who wants that kind of responsibility, that worry – that special brand of sourness in your gut not knowing when my or Matty’s blood sugar’s gonna drop and there’s nothing much that she can do but try to help us through it?

There’s no cure – just therapies that are supposed to extend my and the kid’s quality of life. Sometimes, it feels like it’s keeping me alive, but not much else.

I’m tired of fighting.

I’m tired of fighting my body every day, trying to get everything on the level so I can just pay attention like a normal person does. And Sera doesn’t need that, hell, nobody does.

But there’s still that pansy-ass voice inside me that whispers for me to try anyway, to take a chance. So now I’m rushing the kid to get his shoes on – he falls over trying to get it on his foot – while I’ve got the door open and stumble into the hallway trying to get out before Sera leaves for work.

I lock up once Matty gets into the hall with me, and we’re hustling the entire five feet or so to Sera’s door. The kid stations himself right in front, staring up at the peephole like it’s daring him to move out of the way.

I pull him away from the door in case Sera comes barreling out, and just as I get him secured behind me, she runs smack dab into my chest, effectively punching my heart with her face.

“Motherducker!” she yells, and the word was not what I was expecting.

“Hi, Sera!” Matty yells while Sera squints at him. This is probably the second time I’ve seen her without her glasses. It’s… odd.

“Hey, little buddy.” Matty’s moved forward and nabbed her hand, only to start dragging her towards the elevator.