“You know that picture you drew of me? You really see me like that?” her voice is small and quiet in the dark. I wish I could kiss her right now. Why doesn’t she believe me?
“Baby, I did that from memory – it doesn’t do you justice. Not when I have the real thing right next to me, keeping me and Matty warm.”
“God, stop talking.”
I keep going, needing her to understand me. “It’s torture not being able to touch you, to feel your skin under my hands. To taste your mouth, the hollow of your shoulder, the dent between your collarbones.
“I want to hear those noises you make when you read when I’m inside you. I can’t wait when those shirts of yours to be on my floor, right before I take you to my bed. I want you, Sera.” Here it comes. If it all blows up in your face, you did your best.
“Fuck, baby. Do you think you could want me back?”
Chapter 22
Sera didn’t answer me, but kept quiet in the dark. Maybe she thought I’d believe she fell asleep.
Maybe I’m pushing too hard. Maybe I need to back off.
Or maybe I need to give her more time.
I settled for having her in my bed, even if not in the way I needed her to be. But we were all there, sleeping in one bed, like a family.
She slept like a little kid, hands tucked underneath one cheek, lips pouting out in a kiss that hasn’t been given yet. Hell, I think I need to take a cold shower, calm myself down.
Let her set the pace. Let her do what she wants. She gets to decide. Maybe she can accept you, maybe she’s willing to take a chance on you. Make sure she never regrets it.
Be patient, man, it’s all you can do.
I know what I have to do – I need to spend some time alone with her, not be a dick, and try to show her why she should take a chance on me, why she should, give her a glimpse of how good we can be together.
I’ve never wanted anything so bad – I’m not sure if that makes me crazy as fuck or just desperate. I’m okay with desperate.
I wake up to Matty plastered to me, and Sera’s gone.
“Daddy, how come Sera left? I wanted her to read to me when I was eating breakfast!” Matty whisper-screams in my ear once he realizes I’m wide awake right next to him.
“I think she’s scared, kid,” I say, then shut my eyes because what the fuck? I shouldn’t be talking to him about this. This is adult shit – the kid has enough problems to contend with without me adding more crap on his shoulders. I rub my face and pretend the darkness can shield me from his questions.
The kid just starts hauling on my fingers and forces me to look at him.
“Is she scared of me or is she scared of you?”
I lean back into my pillow and stare at him. Sometimes the kid gets life in a way I’ll never understand. The young and innocent have a way of pinpointing life as it is – probably because everything for them is demarcated but what’s right and what’s wrong.
“I think she’s scared of me, buddy.” I put my hand on his back, spanning his entire body, and the kid flops onto me with all his weight, knocking the air out of me.
“Well, how come? You’re not so scary,” he says, rubbing his cheek against my chest. “You aren’t a monster!”
I grin. “No, no I’m not.”
Matty, completely annoyed, sits up and sits back on his heels. He looks completely confused. “I don’t understand.”
I laugh, and rub a hand through his hair. “I know, don’t worry about it.”
“Is this a grown-up thing that I won’t understand ‘til I’m older?”
“Yeah.”
Matty shrugs. “Is there going to be some kind of magic spell when I’m older that lets me know all the special grown-up things?”
“No, I’m just going to tell you all those special things.”
“A magic spell would be better.”
I smile, nice and easy. “I know, kid. I know. But make-believe isn’t real.”
Matty frowns, looking up at the ceiling, then back down at me. “Books and stories are make-believe, right?”
I nod.
“But they make you hurt, and sad, and happy and that’s real.”
I nod again, not sure where he’s going with this.
“So that’s kind of like magic, Daddy.”
The kid just blindsided me with a sick kind of logic that’s hard to deny. “I guess so.”
“I know so.” Matty nods, more to himself than me. “Can you make me some scrambled eggs with ketchup?”
“Let’s go brush our teeth first, and I need you to be good for me and go to Grandma’s today.”
“Awwww man,” he whines. “Do I have to? Maybe Uncle Eddie will let me help him in the kitchen?”