Never Been Loved(78)

“I punched my friend,” she says, clenching her jaw tight.

“She must have pissed you off.” More notes go on the clipboard and I’m ready to leave this room - the kid is, too. I catch him moving his head toward the door like it’s going to disappear any second now.

“It was a he. And yeah, he pissed me off. I don’t go punching people for fun. Especially if it fraking hurts this much. You’re going to send me up for x-rays, aren’t you?” There’s that word again. She’s in pain. Because of me, because I couldn’t step in when I needed to. I was too busy in the fucking bathroom trying to have a heart-to-heart with my dick. It’s one for the books, my epic stupidity.

“Afraid so. That level of blue usually indicates that something’s broken. We’re just going to make sure that’s the case. You’ll have to go up to radiology as soon as I get the go ahead.”

“All right, thanks.” Sera gets off the exam table and we move together out into the waiting room, which is somewhat empty. All in all, it means nothing. We’re in here for the long haul, and those chairs look anything but comfortable. At least the kid will be able to fall asleep. And tomorrow’s Sunday so I can sleep in.

Sera takes a seat until Matty pats her thigh and asks, “Sera, why did you get in a fight?” I watch, like an idiot, as she uses her left hand to haul the kid on top of her so Matty’s nice and comfortable. I should say something; I should tell him to get off her so she can rest and her hand hurts, and he’s going to make it worse and bump it or something.

All she does is hug him closer, and the little guy places his head on her shoulder. I don’t understand how he wins her over like that. Is he giving out lessons, ’cause I need to sign up.

I settle beside them, turning so I get an arm around Sera’s shoulders. The A/C is on full blast, and it’s going to be freezing in here soon.

I don’t know why, but I need to tell Matty the truth. When I was much, much younger, I looked up to my parents, I thought they knew everything. I thought they were the smartest, most beautiful people in the world – there was no one better. When I learned they weren’t, well, everything felt like it was falling apart; everything I knew, everything I ever believed.

I don’t want it to be a shock for Matty. Maybe I’m making a mistake. Maybe he needs to believe I’m the greatest, but that’s a mantle that doesn’t fit on my shoulders.

“She did it for me, buddy.” I bump Sera’s knee with mine, watch her slight smile.

Matty yawns and doesn’t bother to cover it. I’m not gonna rag on him. Who the fuck cares right now?

“You told me I’m not s’posed to get into fights, Daddy. You said so.” He moves his head on Sera so he’s more comfortable. She lets him. She just… lets him.

“You fight to protect the ones you love, Matty, and you fight to protect yourself. You fight to protect, little buddy, not to hurt another person because it’s fun, or because they really deserve it. It’s important you remember that,” Sera tells him. Fuck, she’d make a great mom.

Matty yawns again, fighting to keep his eyes open. “You can sleep, little man. I’ll be here when you wake up,” she tells him and it’s the wrong thing to say.

The kid tenses, and I watch, fascinated. He takes Sera’s face in both his hands as he straightens up and looks at her for a few seconds, searching her face.

“Okay, Sera,” Matty says, lying back down again. He gets his hands on her shirt, stuffing the material in his fists so she can’t get away.

My nephew says nothing else and closes his eyes to sleep. Lucky. It’s going to be a long night.

I move my arm closer to Sera’s skin and move her so she’s leaning on me. We’re a human game of dominoes and I’m the only one holding us up. Only when Sera’s comfortable do I get more comfortable – or as comfortable as I’m gonna get.

“Did you have a good time, barring my friend being a giant jerkwad?” she asks over a would-be yawn. Even that’s fucking cute. I want to kiss her so badly. But she needs to set the pace. She’s doing me a favour, by letting me be around her – and not the other way around.

“You didn’t have to bring me a plate. I could have gotten it for myself,” I grunt like an animal. Great. Now this shit again. Why do I even open my mouth?

You’re upset that she had to save you – for the third time, bro. You’re the damsel in distress. Now you get why chicks don’t like that sort of thing. Plus, you’re too chicken-shit to admit you need help.