Doesn’t fucking matter right now. I’m trying to listen to what Eli has to say, something about markets or some shit, but the world is starting spin or it’s me doing the swaying. Just ask for some food. No one has to know.
Everyone’s going to know soon enough. I’m nodding like an idiot, letting the words pass over me without taking the time to process them. The world’s a bubble that’s keeping everything around moving light years ahead of me and I’m stuck in place, watching in confusion as it all happens.
My sugar’s dropping, but I don’t want to do this here. I have to prove to the guys that I’m good for Sera, and what good am I when I’m nose-diving so fucking badly because I need to eat something?
Maybe if I just look for Sera, maybe I can walk over there and tell her what I need. She’s going to have to save me – again. I can’t make a habit out of this; I’m supposed to be protecting her, not the other way around.
The telltale black spots in my vision are doing their little choreography and in the middle of their sequence, I see Sera walking towards me with a plate of food.
Fucking shit, I’m falling for this girl.
“Here,” she says, holding out a plate of exactly what I need. She trades me my beer for another red cup, and without thinking I start downing it, surprised to find it’s apple juice. My eyes slide closed and I’m so incredibly thankful that she’s here, that she understands without me having to explain all the time.
“Jesus, what did you do? Give her the best orgasm of her life? Fuck, man, she never gets us plates of food, no matter how long we beg,” that fucker Tommy says, clapping me on the shoulder like we’ve known each other since kindergarten.
His words barely register as I’m sucking back the juice with every ounce of desperation I have. I need my A game, and all I’ve been showing off is failure.
After I’ve downed the apple juice, the silence in our immediate group hits me first. The look on Sera’s face hits me second, the look of complete horror as she stares at Tommy. Her beautiful eyes get hard, and her mouth twists into a snarl, and I swear to God I’m hard at the sight of her.
Then Tommy’s words kick in belatedly, seconds too long, seconds too late, and I can’t open my fucking mouth to think of something to say, anything to say to make this better.
I’m at much at fault as he is – because my silence defines what just happened.
I’m going to kill him for that.
Chapter 19
The look on Tommy’s face disgusts me, actually unsettles my stomach. He’s grinning, the fucker, like he’s told the best joke in the world, instead of hurting one of his friends. There has to be something more going on here, because the asshole makes sure to make eye contact with me.
I turn away to look at Sera, and feel like I’ve eaten ground glass at the way she looks so fucking hurt, the way her eyes are starting to water.
There was no need for Tommy to say something like that, no fucking way. Sera doesn’t deserve to be treated like that – not by anyone.
It’s like we’re all rooted by shock, until Josh turns and yells at Tommy.
“What the FUCK is wrong with you?”
Everyone else starts yelling, but I keep looking at Sera, unable to move or speak, not while the sugar gets into my bloodstream and brain. I can’t do anything, I can’t protect her, I can’t throw a punch – nothing, zip, nada.
There’s absolutely no reason for me to be here. I might as well not exist.
Except Sera’s looking at me like she’s completely mortified, like I’ve figured out some crazy secret she’s been hiding. Doesn’t matter what she’s hiding; if anything, she’s seen the weakest, most pathetic part of me and did nothing but help me out.
That kind of person deserves leeway, deserves only the best of the best.
Once I start feeling better, I’m going to tell her that.
Right now, all I can do is watch it play out in front of me as I stand here being useless, trying to stuff my face with as much food as possible, while trying not to look like a spectator.
Sera’s moving towards me, and before I know it, she’s got me sitting on a couch.
“Why did you even drive if you weren’t feeling well?” she growls, moving me around so I’m not holding my plate anymore, but it’s sitting on my thighs.
Fuck, is it too early to say I love you? To tell her I’ll be devoted to her until she doesn’t want me anymore?
And where the hell does she get off being angry at me? I’m the diabetic here, and my sugar’s shot to shit.
“Eat. Now,” she says, looking down at my plate. I’m in no position to start arguing back as I keep shovelling food in my mouth. God bless food. I’m ignoring the shouting, since I’ve got more important shit to worry about, but it doesn’t take long before Sera directs them to the balcony. All I can do is stare down at my almost-empty plate and wonder how I didn’t really taste anything or enjoy a bit of it. That’s what survival does to you – takes the joy out of everything.