Never Been Loved(73)

Sera’s the kind of girl you marry, the kind of girl you bring home to the parents. Her boys know this and so do I.

I’ll say this: her boys aren’t hesitant about coming to meet me. I get a sick sense of satisfaction when I realize I’m taller than all of them, and even though I’m just wearing jeans and a t-shirt and them in fancy office wear, there’s an unseen pissing contest going on and I just won.

I shake hands and meet all of them.

Alex is the new owner of this place, and I tell him congratulations on it since I have manners. He nods his thanks, and a guy named Josh comes into my view, the shortest of the bunch, but probably the loudest if the way he just laughed at something another guy just said is any indication.

A dude named Eli comes next, the guy’s already holding a glass of some of the hard stuff, and his smile is nonchalant. Next comes Tommy, he gives me a firm handshake and a casual up and down appraisal that takes in my ratty jeans and Hanes t-shirt that I’ve owned since Matty was born.

Let them make their judgements. Only one of them matters to me.

Sera’s friend, Katie, comes up and kisses both my cheeks, some weird European-descendant thing that these guys do. Just something else to mark me as an outsider, I guess.

Eli points at me with his glass. I blink at him. “So, you’re her next door neighbour, huh?”

There’s always an asshole. Always.

I nod, wondering if someone’s gonna offer me a beer or I have to search it out myself. Alex appears beside me with a red cup that looks like it has beer in it, and gives it to me, ready-to-drink.

“Here, man. Enjoy. Food’s being laid out on the table there, so help yourself. I’m waiting for the rest.”

“Thanks.” I’m hoping he didn’t spit it in it, or worse, but I take a swallow of my beer, and think about how I’m going to answer Eli’s question. To be a dick or not? Then I think of Sera, and I want her to be proud of me.

“Yeah. I’m actually her next door neighbour. Do you need to see my licence?”

Eli laughs, but it stutters out fast. Josh comes back to the group and knocks his beer against mine.

They’re all looking at me like I’m some zoo animal and they’re expecting me to do something cool.

Yeah, no. Not going to happen. I’m only going to jump through flaming hoops for Sera.

“What my esteemed friend here is trying to say is, are you with our friend?” Tommy asks, and I’m getting a douchey vibe off of him. I narrow my eyes and take in the Mafioso chunk of a ring he has on his right hand. He’s wearing his button-down shirt with some khakis like he’s got someone to impress. Maybe he does have someone to impress.

Katie or Sera?

The guy doesn’t even let me answer as he moves away from our sausage circle and moves to Sera. I catch him putting his arm around her out of the corner of my eye.

I don’t like that guy.

“Thanks for having me,” I say to Alex, because manners.

“Any friend of Sera’s is a friend of ours,” Josh says, nodding at me. “But seriously, if you hurt her, I’ll break your fucking legs.” He stills smiles when he says it and I think it’s a joke.

“I’m not a tool.”

Josh nods, keeping his voice low so the ladies don’t hear. “Doesn’t matter. She comes crying to me, I’ll give you what you deserve.”

“True that,” Eli chimes in, taking a swallow from his liquor.

Alex nods at this homicidal promise.

“I do whatever she wants me to do,” I say, realizing it’s true and not just a line. “I’m here because she invited me.” My head’s starting to feel… fuzzy, and it feels lost, like its floating somewhere outside of my skull.

No. Not here, not now. You need to prove yourself. Why does this have to happen now?

I lick my dry lips, and try to appear normal. Funny thing with diabetes is, nobody really notices how bad you’re feeling unless they’re attuned to it, unless they know what signs to be looking for.

These guys have no idea I’m going to be at my weakest.

You can tell them you need something to eat. You can tell them you can’t have this conversation right now because you need some food.

Yeah, and I’d never live it down.

These guys smell a drop of blood, and I’m toast. They’re protective of Sera, I get that, but they should know that Sera has all the power in this relationship. Or whatever we have going on between us.

I watch that guy Tommy give Sera a kiss on the cheek, not in greeting, but just because and that feels like it’s directed at me, a quarter-life crisis kind of look what I have and you don’t. He comes over to our conversation and looks at everyone else but at me.