Never Been Loved(52)

"I'm tired," I repeat, just wasted with the thought of the fight that's never going to end.

"You love what we do together, Hunter. We're good together, you know it,  baby. We explode together, and I love your mouth. Here, call that girl  you have upstairs, tell her to go home, and we'll go upstairs to your  bed." She gets her phone in my hand.

I stare at it, completely dumb.

I don't know why I have it in my hand.

Swirls of colour get in the way of my sight, and Aly's face is twisted down into something like fury.

"Hunter, I'm getting tired of this. Call that fat bitch upstairs and  tell her to go home. Wait, tell her to take the kid, too, and we'll be  all alone. I'll do whatever you want, baby, I swear. You know how much  you love my mouth on your cock."

Her mouth's on me? Is that what that is?

Where's Sera? Is she here? Why isn't she here with me? What the fuck is Aly doing?

She's fucking kissing me, when my girl's hiding somewhere in this lobby.

I get my hands on Aly's shoulders and shove her away from me, getting  her as far as I can. I tear myself away, feeling like I've been almost  drowned.

"Get the fuck out."

God, what the hell is Sera thinking right now?

I'm never going to dig myself out of this.

I need her out of here. I push her out the way she came, towards the  doors, her phone now in her hands, and shove her out enough that I get  the inner doors shut and lock her out. Some asshole better not let her  in again.

She cracks her fists against the glass, not caring who she bothers,  screaming. "You're throwing everything away, for her?" Aly points at  Sera behind me. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Hunter?"

Grasping the horizontal bar on my side, I hold myself back from pushing  it in and going out there to do …  what exactly? I can't hit her, and I  can't do anything else than what I'm going right now.

I belong with Sera, and Aly needs to get that.

"I don't want you. I don't want anything to do with you, ever again. You're not welcome here anymore."

"You're a fucking idiot! You're not in your right mind to be making these decisions, Hunter!"

I lean in closer, face inches from the glass. I don't know what I look like, but she's taken two steps back.

"If you ever come back here again, show your face to either Sera, Matty  or me, fuck, Aly, you have no idea what I'll do. I'll destroy your  fucking life, like you've destroyed mine. Do you understand?" I growl,  lips pulled back over my teeth.

"I did no such thing! We had good times, didn't we, Hunter? I took care  of you, baby, and you took care of me and Jules." Aly touches the glass,  palm out. "God, baby, please just let me come upstairs. I can make you  feel good," she moans.

"Hunt, let's go upstairs." Sera's voice comes at me from the inside  –  it  could be the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. I push myself back  from the door, and look at her for a while.         

     



 

I move over to her, feet numb from the cold tile and my legs are jelly. I  jerk and twist with each movement, but I have to get to her, I have to,  even as her beautiful face twists at the sight of me. My entire body's  shaking, my insides dancing, too.

I swallow and keep moving forward, just have to keep moving.

I get my hands around her, settle them at her lower back and let out a  breath I'd been holding. I get my chin on top of her head and just hold  her, 'cause the words aren't coming out. I'm spent.

But Sera's working her magic on me and moving me towards the elevator  when all I want to do is stand still and maybe sit down and fall asleep.  That's bad, I know it's bad, but I can't do anything about it but just  keep following Sera's voice as the colours swirl around me.

Sera turns from me, pulling me into the elevator and I settle my cheek  on her hair. Such beautiful long hair that smells like cake. Her body's  so warm, too, not like mine. I'm really cold, and I need a pair of  socks.

Aly's still making noise but I don't care anymore.

I don't care about a lot of things.

We're in front of my place, and Sera has the door open, pulling me  inside. She gets me on the couch, but I'm too dumb to let go at the  right time, so she pushes out of my arms.

She moves to the fridge and comes back with a bottle of water and a juice.

God, she's beautiful and perfect. And here she is, saving me again.

She holds out the juice to me, but I need her, so I get her to tumble  onto my lap, and hold her there. When the sugar starts kicking in, I'm  going to have to talk, and I'm going to have to think of which words I  want to say.

It's only when I lean in to kiss her as the sugar starts working does she speak.

"Wipe her off of you."

I ten-hut it, getting some water from the bottle and wiping Aly off my lips with my shirt.

She's going to end it, can't you see?

"You said you wouldn't give up on me, Sera." I get my arms tighter  around her, before she has a chance to bolt. I've hurt her again, I'm  always hurting her. Maybe it's time to let her go?

She's crying now, crystal tears falling down her cheeks, past her chin to fall down on me, too.

"I'm not giving up on you, Hunt. I'm giving up on us," she whispers, pulling away from me.

I keep shaking my head like it's going to do something, anything, to fix this. "My body gave up on me, why wouldn't you?"

"That's... That's not it, and you ... you know it," she hiccups, sniffling.

"Explain it to me then, because I don't fucking understand," I demand,  getting her hands back in mine. I get her next to me on the couch again,  and hold her face so I can really look at her, into her.

Sera closes her eyes.

Looks like you've lost, buddy.

"I'm not what you need, Hunter. God, you're going to make me say it,  aren't you?" She tries to pull away from me, but I won't let her, not  this time. She's gone in her head and twisted everything I've ever said  to her. She's not going to believe anything I'll ever say again.

I'm going to kill the bastard who destroyed my chances with her. But it  looks like I'm doing a fine job of screwing it up myself, too.

"Say it, Sera. Say it so you can hear how fucked up it is."

"Aly, she-she...." She takes a second to pull in some air. "She can give  you what you need  –  money. Money makes life easier, Hunt, you know  that. You know you can build a better life for Matty with her as your  wife, or whatever she is. You can buy a bigger place to live in, quit  your job so you're not so exhausted anymore. She can give you that; I  can't."

I hate it when she looks away from me, it's like I'm not even here. I  swipe away the tears from her face, but more keep coming. She's tearing  me apart.

"Baby, look at me. Please."

Her eyes shoot open, and I get her attention.

"I'm sorry she kissed me, that she touched me. I'm sorry that I let her.  I know I don't deserve you, Sera, not now, not like I am. I didn't  expect you to come into my life, I didn't expect to be given this  beautiful woman who makes me want to be better. I didn't expect to find  you in nerdy shirts and Justice League Converse, putting a smile on my  face in the mornings when I would pass you by to go to my shitty job,  into my shitty life. I didn't expect you to make my days better, to make  me as happy as you do with your geek-speak. I didn't expect for you to  get so emotional over the people from your books and movies. I didn't  expect for you to let me into your life.         

     



 

"I didn't expect you to let me kiss you and touch you. I didn't expect  for you to break your tiny hand because of what one asshole said. Fuck, I  didn't expect you to love Matty, to let him into your life, and you  into his, to make him the boy he's meant to be. And baby, the way I see  it, I want you around to make sure he grows up to be a better man than  me."

"There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing," she whispers, but she's biting back some kind of violence and it's fucking amazing.

"I'd have money with Aly, sure. She hates Matty, and every single day  being with her, it's going to remind me of my shitty past. You make me  forget all that, Sera. No amount of money is worth that. Money's just  money. I'll get a second job if I need to."

"Shut up, just... shut up."

Okay.

"Did she put her tongue in your mouth?"

Aly tried really hard. "Not for lack of trying."

She lets go of my wrists, instead grabbing the end of my shirt and using it to wipe my mouth, getting rid of Aly from me.

Oh, shit.

"Take off the shirt, Hunt."

I oblige, and fist my shirt and toss it. Sera's squeezing her eyes  together and I'm hoping I stays level; talk about killing the damn mood.

"Now, stand up."

Oh, Christ, she's lying down on my couch and ordering me to lie down on  top of her. Shit, shit, shit. Does she really want to do this? Did I  force her to do this?

"Is this okay?" I ask, watching her scoot up on the couch, closer to my  face. My dick's about to start debating the merits of moving along with  her, but I tamp down that argument.