I keep pacing up and down the hall, watching without seeing Sera put Matty on the trunk and speak to him in a quiet voice. I've probably gone and fucked him up some more by yelling at him. The kid's so scared he didn't even demand a quarter.
If you didn't do something, he wouldn't be here, potentially yelling at you for saying a bad word.
Jesus Christ, Jules, how do I keep doing this? How do I keep him safe? How do I stop worrying?
Jules? Please help me?
I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm so tired, I'm so tired of being bad at this. Please help, Jules. Help me out.
I don't know how long I pace, up and down, up and down, until Sera's suddenly in front of me, and I have to halt myself to a stop before I mow her down too.
"Let's get going," she says, her voice soft and quiet.
I stuff my hands in my pockets and rock back on my heels. My stomach's roiling and the colours are swirling and I'm not sure how much longer I have until I stop making sense.
"Sera, he could have died. God, he could have died." I'm shaking, the only reason why I know it is 'cause Sera wraps herself around me and hugs me tight.
"He's all I have left, and he could have died."
"But he didn't. You saved him, Superman. You were incredible, you really were. I'm sorry I couldn't move. I've never reacted that way before."
It's not her job to save him; it's mine.
But then, Sera saved me so I guess it's all the same.
"He's my responsibility. You shouldn't need to do anything for him."
Sera doesn't like that. She leans back from my hold on her now, and looks at me like I'm crazy.
"I want to help. Jesus, Hunt, I'd do anything for that kid. I love him."
"Why?" Stupid, stupid fucking question. But I mean it. I need to know.
"Why, what? Why do I love him?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Are you serious? Have you met him? He's like sunshine and chocolate and Peter Pan and all the good things in the world. He's pure and he's bright like a star. He's sweet and kind and knows a little too much of how his diabetes affects him and we're going to need to change that."
You hear that, Jules? She loves your child. She's good for him. She loves him, Jules.
I sneer. "Still think I'm amazing that I nearly lost Matty today?"
She frowns at me. "Amazing doesn't mean infallible. Remember that. Now, come on. I need to get to work, and Matty needs to get to daycare. God, I could sleep for two weeks after what just happened. Adrenaline. Crash."
I keep my mouth shut, then after some thinking, I lean closer until she stops me.
"Wait, what are you doing?"
"I need to kiss you, all right?" Please. I need somebody to think I'm amazing right now.
"Uh, in front of Matty? You sure that's a good idea? God, he's going to need so much therapy after this."
"Sera, I want to kiss you. I need it. Matty is going to see us kissing, like normal couples do. Please, just kiss me. Make me forget the last twenty minutes."
Sera's thinking, but then gets her hand and casted hand on my chest and leans up to give me her mouth. I don't go easy, but she's there with me, making those colours swirl behind my eyes faster, faster and faster.
She touches my hair, and fuck, I didn't know I had enough blood left to pool in my dick and I've pulled her up so she doesn't have to lean up to meet me. I think I excited her since she kisses me harder, deeper, making me lose whatever control I thought I had.
I settle her down on her feet, and groan when she doesn't let go of my lip right away. Jesus Christ, I need to be in her right now.
"Have dinner with me tonight," I pant.
"Can't. Plans with Katie." Her breathing isn't normal, either. "I'll come over and read Matty to bed and kiss you good night."
"Deal." I smile, and kiss her nose. Colours swirling even faster now until I can't even see her face. "Shit. I think I need a juice."
"Oh, oh! I have one in my purse. Which is in the car."
She starts leading me, but the whole equation doesn't compute. I stop her from moving towards the car. "Why do you have a juice in your purse?"
"I have several juices in my purse, plus sugar tablets. In case you and Matty get lows when we're together. I'm like the boy scouts, I'm always prepared. What's the big deal?"
"I'm...I'm not sure. I guess I've been doing it on my own so long, I'm not sure how to react with you having everything ready." I'm confused, rubbing my head. Drink sugar now, and think about this later. But don't overthink it, asshole.
"I'm going to need you to drive. Please."
Don't think less of me 'cause I can't do it right now.
"That I can do. Buckle up." She gets the keys from me, and moves to the driver's side once my ass hits the passenger seat. I suck back the juice like I've been walking in the desert for days. "I'm gonna drive to work first since I'm running late. You think you'll be okay to drive Matty to daycare after, or you want me to go there first? Be honest."
"I don't like admitting I need help."
"Everybody needs help. Even Superman needs Batman's help once in a while."
"Iron Man is better than Batman, Sera," Matty says, matter-of-fact from the back seat.
"You want to get into a rumble kid? Name the time and place."
"Go to work, the juice should kick in by then," I say. "If not, I'll park and wait around another twenty minutes. Deal?"
"Deal."
"Sera...why did you kiss Daddy?"
I don't even have to look at her to watch her freak out, I can feel it, even through the lack-of-sugar haze.
"Uh, well, technically," she says, "he kissed me, so you should be asking him that question. Actually, it's because your dad wants to be my boyfriend."
Chapter 25
"Is that true, Daddy?" Ah, shit. How am I gonna answer that? Can't a guy get a break?
I exhale hard and long, and really lean into my seat like it's going to be my bed for the next little while. "It's true, buddy. Is that cool with you?"
Be okay with this kid. You have to be.
"Does that mean Sera is my mommy now?"
Shit. Really? Can't I get a breather?
The juice is starting to work and I'm firing on all engines. Okay, what the hell do I say now? And then Sera, fucking awesome Sera, opens her mouth and makes the world perfect again. "How about we say that I'm your daddy's girlfriend for now, okay, little man?"
I keep my mouth shut. Sera just saved my ass.
She keeps driving, but her hand's fiddling with the radio knob and we hit Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me" and the kid starts howling away like it's him giving the performance.
I've been spaced out until I notice Sera's double-parked and we're on the side of the road. She's looking at me with … acceptance.
Sera doesn't look at me like I'm weak for not controlling my sugars, and she sure as shit doesn't look at me like she's disgusted.
Then she grabs my hand and holds it in her lap, stroking my damaged fingertips.
I'm done for.
Absolutely.
"You feeling better?" she asks.
I don't know what to do. She's cracked me open wide and is holding my beating heart with her delicate hands. Fuck, she could ruin me.
"Still think I'm amazing?" I ask her, my voice completely hoarse.
I'm probably grinding her bones together with my grip, but she doesn't say anything. I'm desperate to hear what she says. I'm sick to my stomach with the sliver of hope that she's going to say yes.
Christ, she's leaning closer and that has to mean she's trying to let me down easy. But she's grinning and I don't think it's for me.
"I don't kiss losers," she whispers, leaning into me so that our mouths are touching. "I kiss only badasses. And you are a badass, Hunter MacLaine."
Yup, you're a dead man.
"Gross!" Matty yells from the back. "You're hurting my eyes, my eyes!"
Sera leans back smiling, turns the car off, takes off her seat belt.
"You're hurting my ears with all your yelling, Matty." Sera twists around and the kid shrieks with laughter as she tickles him. "Do you want me to be Daddy's girlfriend or not, huh?"
I've stopped breathing. Pretty sure she has, too.
"Only if you read me Harry Potter from here until forever."
I exhale. Sera smiles.
"I can do that. It's a promise."
She gets out, only to round the car and open Matty's door. I turn to get out, too, but watch her over the seat as she blows a raspberry on his face and the kid is eating it up. When she's done, she asks him, "See you later for Harry's adventure?"
"Bye, Sera! Have fun at school!"
Ha. Jules' kid is pretty hilarious sometimes.
I get out and get behind my girl, watching her step backwards and Christ, her ass is killing me. Damn it.
When she turns, I've got my hands on her waist. There's a split second when I think she's waiting for me to do something, but she breathes out slowly when I don't do what she thinks.
Instead my thumbs start moving on her shirt, up and down, when I would fucking kill to get my hands on her bare skin. Cars honk as they pass us by and Sera seems completely clueless.