Never Been Loved(47)

I'm tired of fighting.

I'm tired of fighting my body every day, trying to get everything on the  level so I can just pay attention like a normal person does. And Sera  doesn't need that, hell, nobody does.

But there's still that pansy-ass voice inside me that whispers for me to  try anyway, to take a chance. So now I'm rushing the kid to get his  shoes on  –  he falls over trying to get it on his foot  –  while I've got  the door open and stumble into the hallway trying to get out before Sera  leaves for work.

I lock up once Matty gets into the hall with me, and we're hustling the  entire five feet or so to Sera's door. The kid stations himself right in  front, staring up at the peephole like it's daring him to move out of  the way.

I pull him away from the door in case Sera comes barreling out, and just  as I get him secured behind me, she runs smack dab into my chest,  effectively punching my heart with her face.

"Motherducker!" she yells, and the word was not what I was expecting.

"Hi, Sera!" Matty yells while Sera squints at him. This is probably the  second time I've seen her without her glasses. It's …  odd.

"Hey, little buddy." Matty's moved forward and nabbed her hand, only to start dragging her towards the elevator.

I've got a million things to say but my voice doesn't seem to be  working. My brain's gone white-noise and I'm sure if it's a sugar low or  this woman is giving me health problems all on her own.

"C'mon, c'mon! I have to go to school today, and then Daddy will drive you to work!"

Panic hits her face. "No, no. Really, I'm just going to take the metro and-"

No way is she getting off that easy. I move my hand under her loose  hair, and cup the back of her neck, touching the soft skin there. I hold  back my grin when she starts shivering. I like that a fucking lot.

"Sera. I'm going to drive you. That's all there is to it."

Easy there, don't make her bolt.

"I would really, really like to take the metro. Have a good day at daycare, little buddy, but-"

"Matty, cover your ears. Now." I cut her off, and the kid looks up at me  with an expression of utter shock, I don't know why I'm not laughing.

Sera shakes her head, trying to get the kid between us going one-on-one. I hate that she needs to do that with me.

"Don't, it's okay, Matty-" she tries to tell him, but I'm done.

"Block your ears, kid. Now."

I slide my arm across Sera's shoulders, down her arm and get our fingers  linked together while I usher her towards the elevator. Matty has his  hands clapped over his ears, staring straight ahead, at least pretending  to be oblivious to this entire conversation.

"Sera. What the fuck? What happened after I left?" I ask quietly, even  though my skin's vibrating and I'm more on edge than I've ever been. My  sugar's stable, I know that, since I checked before leaving. Still, I go  through all the hypotheticals and get sucked into the am I getting a  low? Am I? before I force myself to focus on her face.

She just has to chew on that lip, the lip I want on my mouth right now  so bad, I don't care if the kid's here with me. I don't care at all.

"We just kissed, okay? It was just a kiss. No big deal." She says it  like she doesn't believe it, then looks down at her kicks without so  much as glancing at me.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? What the hell happened after I  left? Who did you talk to? Who twisted everything around? Sera?"

Watch it, man, you're pulverizing her hand.

I watch her swallow like I caught her in a lie. "Nobody twisted anything  around. We just kissed, and it was a bad idea. This...whatever this is.  For the love of the Winchesters, this chemistry, attraction,  what-the-frak-ever  –  why did Aly come see you the night before? For what  reason?"         

     



 

I'm not letting Aly ruin this for me. I can't, not now when I finally have a chance.

"She came to see me. I haven't been answering her calls or texts for  over two months. Ever since that day I went to the hospital. I've told  you this already."

Relax, man, keep your tone down. Don't push the asshole front.

Sera yanks her hand out of mine, and she's looking at me like I'm worse than dirt.

"I won't be a sidepiece." She says the words like they're law.

"I didn't ask you to be one. I want to be with you. I thought I made  myself very clear," I tell her, and twitch when the elevator doors chime  open for us.

"I don't understand what's happening. Are we in a relationship? Because we're not following the traditional steps and all."

She's fucking adorable and sexy and I want her so bad right now. I need her so bad.

I end up grinning. "Fuck. Even when you drive me crazy, you do it all  cute-like." I get her cheeks in both my hands and lightly press my mouth  against hers. Her whole nervousness about it has me getting nervous. I  mean, fuck, I never doubted my skill before but maybe it's about time.

"Can I listen now?" Matty asks. I look down at him and his head is  moving from me to Sera and back with his hand still over his ears. "Can  I? Can I?"

"Sure, kiddo. Let's get you to daycare, yeah?"

The fight's not over, but the trip down to the basement is quiet, until  Matty yells shotgun and rips out of the elevator lobby and into the  parking lot without looking both ways like I taught him.

When I hear the sound of rubbers squealing on pavement, white noise  fills my head, and I'm not paying attention to anything but my nephew.

MOVE! A voice inside my head yells at me  –  sounding a hell of a lot like Jules.

I can't lose her kid, too. I can't do that.

I'm not going to ruin anymore lives.

It's like running through a tunnel on a treadmill. I'm watching Matty  run towards my car parked on the far side of the lot. The stink of  gasoline hits my nose and I hit a patch of oil under one of my boots,  but I feel like I'm stuck in molasses, expending all the energy without  moving an inch.

Matty stumbles and hits the ground, just as the fucker who's driving  like a damn maniac whips around a corner and I move. I've stepped in  front of Matty and stare down the 'Stang that's coming my way, not even  considering that this could be the last breath I pull into my body.

I'd see my sister again, but I'd leave Matty  –  and Sera  –  behind. I'm not prepared to that.

I don't even hear the fucker brake as my fist hits the hood of his car,  and either I've lost feeling in my legs out of fear, or the fucking  front bumper broke both my legs and I haven't felt it yet.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I roar, my voice echoing in the  lot. I sound a hundred times bigger than I am, I sound like a superhero  that Sera loves. "It's not fucking NASCAR, you fucking asshole!"

My heart's a battering ram in my chest, and my eye contact with the  shit-head driver makes me wish I could reach through the windshield and  start throttling him with my bare hands.

Rage swims in my veins, my bones are light as air and it would be so  easy to round the car and teach this shit a lesson. Until sound pummels  me back to reality where I've got Matty in my arms without remembering  doing so.

My hand punches into the hood, and I don't even feel the abrasion on my  skin. Matty's heart is beating incredibly fast next to mine, and his  forehead is plastered to my neck  –  his breathing's fast, and I have no  idea where Sera is.

A fucking teenager opens the driver's door and, completely pale, looks  at me dumbstruck by what just happened. Can stupidity be beaten out of  people? 'Cause I wanna try.

My lips have pulled back from my teeth, and with a clarity I've only  ever had that day when Sera found me in the hall, I know with a crushing  realization that I could have lost Jules' kid. He would have been rag  doll on the pavement if this fucker had got his way.

Sera's here.

She's grabbing my hand that's starting to smart, and she's saying my  name, but I want to give this kid in front of me the whaling of his  life.

The shithead says sorry, and that lights me up again, and I'm yelling but fuck if I know what I'm actually saying.

"Let's just go, please. You know where the kid lives, you can always  beat him up later, all right? Let's get Matty to daycare. C'mon, Hunter.  C'mon," she says, moving me little by little from my target. I let  myself follow.         

     



 

"Goddamn it, Matty, who the fuck told you to run off like that? Fuck. Just, fuck."

Why are you fucking yelling at him? Why?

I'm scared, I'm so scared I don't know what to do with myself. Better to get angry.

"Here take him, put him in his car seat." I hand Sera the kid.

I need to blow off some steam, and I need to move and get the feeling  back in my legs. I need to breathe, I need to apologize and I need to  get on with my day  –  all in that order.

Colours swirl over my blinking eyes, and I know my sugar's starting to  drop, or hell, maybe it's been all this time but I was too scared to  deal with it then.

I'm crashing; I'm crashing hard.