Never Been Loved(46)

"That's all I have to do?" she asks, her voice shaking.

I hold her hips a little tighter, and keep my movements slow. I want her to be okay with this; I need her to be okay with this.

"You promise you won't be an asshole if I suck at this?"

Anger lights up my chest cavity, burning through me. But she needs something else, not that.

"Baby, you're not going to suck," I say, my fingers digging into the flesh at her hips. Shit, don't leave bruises. Be careful!

"You better remember that after what comes next." She closes the  distance between us and makes me smile. She's being bossy and I love it.

"You're really cute when you're nervous."

"I don't wanna be cute. I want to be sexy." Sera practically pouts. I  need to taste that bottom lip and spend some quality time with it once  we're kissing.

"Cute is sexy." I move my hands to her back, and stroke the ends of her  tied up hair, trying to calm her down. She shivers in my lap and I have  to keep a tight rein on whatever self-control I have left to keep the  peace.

It's just me. It's just me here.

"If you say so." She looks doubtful, and taking a deep breath through  her nose, says, "Okay, okay. Ready? Here goes nothin'. Three...two...-"

I don't let her finish. I kiss her, moving slowly, slowly, slowly until the need to taste her overcomes common fucking sense.

I want you baby. Kiss me like you want me back.

Fuck, her mouth starts moving, and soon we're kissing, the best kiss I've ever had. Christ, she wants me.

I feel her palm at the back of my head, moving us closer, and air  doesn't seem all important right now. She moans into my mouth and I  haven't even done anything to her yet, but she's so sweet, and so damn  perfect, and the way she presses herself against me makes me want to  howl to the moon.

I swipe my tongue along the seam of her lips, and when she opens  –   Christ  –  her taste, the smell of her, the way she's moving on top of me,  the way we're breathing together, shit, it makes me believe in -

She tangles her tongue with mine, giving what she's getting and I'm about to explode.

She pulls away abruptly pulling in air like it's her last. My head's on  fire, every inch of skin is burning. I can't get a good breath.

My mouth does the talking for me.

"It was that fucker Tommy, wasn't it?"

She shakes her head, slowly. "I'm not following."

She's pulled away from me, still on my legs, but there's no way in hell  I'm taking my hands off of her. Not when I've finally been given the  chance.

"That fuckwit, Tommy. Your friend with the mouth. He said you were bad?"

Shock makes her mouth pop open. "You think...? You think...Tommy and I? No. It wasn't him."

"Which one of your boys did it? Who lied to you?"

Dead. They're all dead.

"Not...not them. I swear. We're just friends. We've never... that's never happened. Ever."

Who did it to you then, baby? Tell me who?

"So... the verdict?" She looks like she's holding her breath.

What? Oh. Her game. Right.

I run my hands along her skin, pulling her closer to me. I watch her,  the way her face is scared, her lips are white against her face and she  looks like she's swallowed some of my bad cooking.

"It's fine. Let me get up, Hunt. Just... let me get up, would ya?"

"Sera, stop. Stop for a second." Idiot, of course she'd jump to  conclusions. The one time your mouth doesn't get involved and now you're  in deep shit.

She looks at me, completely broken by what's been implied.

"By the power of Grayskull, let me go! Please, just let me go. I want you to leave."

Ah, Christ, she's crying. She's crying because of me.

Never again.

"And here goes thinking you were perfect."         

     



 

At least she's stopped moving. "Are you high? What the fuck are you smoking?"

I cradle her face in my hands, like I did the other night, and her eyes  are so green, her tears like drops of crystal falling to her cheeks.  She's been hurt, bad.

"I wasn't complaining. Nor will I ever complain. You can use that mouth on me anytime you like."

"How is that even possible?"

"That I want to kiss you again?" I grin. "I plan on doing a lot of it.  For long periods of time. In different places along your body. I plan on  making those sweet little noises come out of your mouth while I kiss  you. I plan on touching you when I do it. Everywhere you'll let me."

"So I didn't win the Guinness World Record for sucking at kissing?"

I think I love you, Sera. Really.

I laugh, shaking off my revelation. I tuck some hair behind her ear, and wipe the remaining tear tracks off her face.

"Frak no."

Her face softens, and she gives me a sweet smile that has me smiling back.

"You said frak."

"Matty's started saying it, too."

Sera's changed a whole shit ton of things in so little time. Matty's right  –  Sera's magic, but what about us mere mortals?

"Yeah? I read it in a book once, and then I started watching the show," she tells me.

"Yeah." I'm smiling, and she leans in close and kisses me, too high for it to be my cheek.

"I better go. You're going to watch another movie?" I ask, knowing that  we've come far. I don't want to push my self-control  –  especially when  there's so little left.

"I'll probably re-read Ender's Game, and I don't know why 'cause I have like a million books on my TBR list."

I don't know what TBR means but it sounds important. I'm about to ask when she tells me to forget about it.

"I can't believe I landed myself a nerd." I tell her, hoping it's not going to scare her off. "I'm liking it a lot."

"Thank you," she says quietly. I look at her and wonder what I've said  that's so important or make her palm her chest like that. She gets up  and walks me to the door.

With her in front of me, I turn her to the door before she can let me  out. Her back's against it now, and she looks up at me with a confused  and completely bewildered expression.

"What did I say? What put that look on your face, baby?" I lean in close so we touch everywhere possible.

"It's nice to be liked, you know?"

I just stare like an idiot. I lean in closer to her, giving a stiff nod for no reason.

"I'm going to kiss you now." Her eyes are so damn green, but she doesn't say anything. "Yes or no?"

I know why. Sometimes you just can't get the words out, you just can't.

She wraps herself around me and we're full on making out, me pushing her  into the wall without realizing I'm probably causing some internal  organ damage.

I'm having trouble catching my breath when we pull apart, but I'm  grinning like an idiot who's been hit over the head too many times.  Leaning in again, 'cause I'm a sadistic bastard, a kiss her cheek and  open her door without saying goodbye.

There doesn't seem a reason to, not now.

I walk into my apartment, lock the door behind me, and chuck off all my  clothes until I'm in nothing but my boxers and dive face-first on my  bed. I'm going to take an hour nap, then I'll go get the kid.

Try as I might, I can't relax enough to fall asleep. I'm all twisted up  inside, and I flop onto my back and stare at the ceiling, trying to  figure shit out.

Someone or something really did a number on her. I want her to tell me,  when she thinks I'm ready to hear it. I lean over and palm my phone from  my discarded jeans pocket and type without thinking.

Me: What are you doing? I'm all about being smooth.

Sera: Texting you, obviously.

Me: Snarky. I like it.

Sera: That's good, I guess.

Me: Can I ask you something?

Sera: Sure.

Me: Who told you you were a bad kisser?

Sera: Uh, I'd rather not divulge the source.

Well, I didn't think she'd actually tell me. She probably saw the look of murder in my eyes when she told me in the first place.

Me: Why? I'm getting ready to string my web of lies.

Sera: You'll end up beating him up, maybe going to jail, and orange is  not a good colour on you. I wouldn't mind you getting more tats, but  then Matty and I will have to see you behind bars, and I kinda really  like having you live next door.

I grin like a sap. She's got me, hook, line and sinker.         

     



 

Me: Fuck, now you're being cute. Can I come over and kiss you again?

Sera: Tomorrow. Drive safe when you go and pick up Matty, ok?

Me: Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, baby.

I decide to take a really long cold shower. Sera's got me all riled up,  and grinning like I'm the luckiest asshole on the planet.





Chapter 24



I know exactly what's going to happen. Just when I think I have her,  Sera probably convinces herself that she's better off without me.

The fact is, I can't blame her.

Who wants a diabetic, let alone two to care of?

Who wants that kind of responsibility, that worry  –  that special brand  of sourness in your gut not knowing when my or Matty's blood sugar's  gonna drop and there's nothing much that she can do but try to help us  through it?

There's no cure  –  just therapies that are supposed to extend my and the  kid's quality of life. Sometimes, it feels like it's keeping me alive,  but not much else.