I move my arm closer to Sera's skin and move her so she's leaning on me. We're a human game of dominoes and I'm the only one holding us up. Only when Sera's comfortable do I get more comfortable – or as comfortable as I'm gonna get.
"Did you have a good time, barring my friend being a giant jerkwad?" she asks over a would-be yawn. Even that's fucking cute. I want to kiss her so badly. But she needs to set the pace. She's doing me a favour, by letting me be around her – and not the other way around.
"You didn't have to bring me a plate. I could have gotten it for myself," I grunt like an animal. Great. Now this shit again. Why do I even open my mouth?
You're upset that she had to save you – for the third time, bro. You're the damsel in distress. Now you get why chicks don't like that sort of thing. Plus, you're too chicken-shit to admit you need help.
"Bloody hell, when are you going to let me help you? I brought you a plate of food. I didn't tell anyone you were diabetic – not that it fraking matters."
"It matters to me," Goddamn it, it matters. "And your fucking hand is broken because of me."
"How do you think this was about you? Tommy was being a dick to me, I hit him because he's a giant asshole."
Man, I wish I was outside. I would've loved to have seen his face. Did he bleed? I hope he has shiners for the next year.
"That fucker wouldn't've made that comment if I didn't need food. Or if he didn't want to get into your pants."
She actually snorts, like she doesn't believe it.
The signs were all there. The fucker made absolutely sure that I would be in the dog house tonight, probably counting on shock and awe that I wouldn't say anything. Or maybe the endgame was for me to beat him up and Sera to hate me for doing it. Either way, he lost. He doesn't know what Sera is really like at all.
"Right. Tommy wants to get into my pants. Like that makes sense." She snorts again. "He's just like that – always."
"With everyone?"
"Uh...yeah."
"Only with you, right? Not with your girl, Katie. He wouldn't dare say something like that in front of her man, now would he?"
"Katie doesn't have a man at the moment, so your argument is invalid."
I press my cheek to the top of her head and can't help but smile. Damn, she makes me laugh.
"I was the trigger. You got embarrassed because of me."
Sera holds her breath. "I got embarrassed because you were there. I didn't want them to presume something that hasn't happened."
Okay, she doesn't want them to know that we could have slept together. Fine and dandy. She likes her privacy. Nothing wrong with that. But I'm still not getting it.
"How does that translate into you bringing me a plate of food?"
"I don't know if you get this, but all our parents are immigrants – we're first generation Montrealers. Means that there are certain rules and traditions we're all trying to break free of. The guys, they like to pull ‘the woman stays in the kitchen' card, I think because it drives me up the wall, and I seriously think about places to hide bodies whenever they bring it up.
"I don't bring them plates of food – like, ever. They make a kitchen comment, or how whatever I bake or cook is not up to scratch I get downright bitch-tastic. So, surprise, surprise, I bring you a plate without any coercion."
"So it's the presumption that bothers you." I try not to make it sound like a question. Has she met my mother? She doesn't know how to cook.
"Exactly. I don't mind bringing you a plate of food – you don't expect that from me, and you appreciated it, even if you couldn't tell me. I punched Tommy because he implied that what I did for you was relegated to a good roll in the sack. He belittled what you needed from me – and that's what made me punch him and ruined a perfect Saturday night."
"Looks like I'm going to have to show you how to throw a punch." Fuck, play-wrestling with Sera and letting her win so we can both win later? Can we get some sheets involved, too?
"I don't think I'm going to punch anyone ever again for as long as I live."
"Just so you know, I don't think women belong in the kitchen. You've met my mom – the lady has never stepped foot in a kitchen for other than a glass of wine her entire life. Neither did my sister. My life would have been a lot different otherwise."
"You have a sister?"
Motherfucking piece of shit. You're going to lay that on her now? When she's in pain? Yeah, go ahead. That'll be the perfect way to end the night. Deflect, moron!
"Yeah, I did, baby. She was sweet, and good, but she could be fucked up. I...I wasn't a good brother to her."
"I don't think that's true, Hunt."
I don't say anything. I don't believe her.
"Still believe I'm amazing?" I ask, staring down at the floor. I'm glad she can't see me.
"Yeah, I do." She doesn't even hesitate. Who is this girl?
"Keep believing that, okay, baby? No matter what happens." Please.
I wind my arm tighter against her, getting her closer to me. I like where she is, tight against my chest, head resting over my heart, Matty on top of her. We're like a … family. I haven't felt like I had a family in the longest time.
"I can't make that promise, Hunt."
"Try. For me." Please, Sera. Try. I'm not the best of the best, but I'll treat you like you are.
"Okay."
I kiss the top of her head. That's all I can ask for, a meagre promise that she probably can't keep. I make myself believe it, anyway.
"Thank you. Close your eyes, I'll wake you when they call you."
"Okay."
I feel her relax under my arm and settle deeper onto me. There's a lot of shit going on in my head right now. I keep reliving the whole Tommy shooting his mouth off back at Alex's place and how I couldn't do anything. I might've as well been chained to the floor. I was completely and utterly useless.
If I'm going to be with Sera, if I'm going to be the man she deserves, I'm going to need to fix a few things; hell, more than a few.
I'm going to need to get stronger – not physically – but mentally. I can't be so exhausted all the fucking time. Sera deserves time and attention and everything in between. She deserves me at my best and that's definitely fucking not when my sugars are out of control.
I'm going to have to eat more regularly and I can't skip meals. I need to revamp my entire diet and really pay attention to the first warning signs my body gives me when I spike or drop.
I need to start being with Matty more, trying to teach him how to deal with all this diabetes shit better. Our code word right now is tired, but the difference between a low and a high have to be explained to him – sometime soon.
I don't think normal guys overthink this much when it comes to a woman.
They usually see something they like, tag it, go on a few dates, and bang. I haven't had friends in a long time. Eddie's my friend, I guess, but he's more like a father. What the fuck, I work all day, pick up Matty from daycare, try and get some food ready when we get home, and try to listen to him telling me how his day went.
I used to be fascinated about whatever he would tell me. I've gotten old too fast. I have no more patience, I'm exhausted all the time. I can't deal with extra stressors that what I've already got in my life right now.
The load's too heavy to bear and I'm barely treading water out in the middle of the ocean of my problems. And then Sera shows up, like a damn life raft, pulling me to safety.
If I believed in God and in angels, I would think maybe that Jules brought Sera to me. That she somehow conned her way into meeting the Big Man upstairs and pled my case.
Yeah, if I believed, I could get behind the idea that Jules sent me Sera. She picked her own replacement, and she picked the best. I just need to not screw this up.
Chapter 21
I'm thinking I can get Sera to sleep over tonight. In my bed, with me, and not the kid. I'm a grown man, I can keep it in my pants, ‘cause Sera's not ready. Maybe I need to win a triathlon or some shit and she'll let me kiss her.
I'll start training tomorrow.
Her hand is broken. Broken. I really need to teach her how to throw a punch – she could even come to my gym and we could train together. Yeah, no, that wouldn't work. Coach would kill me if I brought a woman there, especially watching me spar. I wouldn't be able to concentrate. Not when I love to see all the expressions on her face and try to figure out what she's thinking.
I park in the underground parking lot and open Sera's door without waking her abruptly. I put a hand on her shoulder and try to gently wake her. Fuck, she looks so undeniably cute, face pressed against the seat.