Never Been Loved(36)

"Holy Tardis of Gallifrey!"

What the fuck is that?

"You better be wearing at least sweats or I will leave this apartment right now!"

Oh, yeah, she's nervous. Be cool, and don't blow it.

I laugh - because who says this shit?  –  hugging her close. Deciding  she's going to need her space if I'm going to win her over, I move us to  the couch and blindly grab for the remote, turning on the tube.

"See? I'm wearing sweats." I'm not dangerous. I'm not Lord Voldemort or a  Death Eater. The fact that I know what they are is your fault, Sera.

Shit, she's checking me out and being obvious about it. I can't tell if she's blushing, though, with the blue glow of the TV.

I want to see if she blushes in other places, too.

Dead puppies. Maggots. Squirming maggots!

"I think you should put a shirt on, too."

"No way. I like the way you look at me." I grin.

"I don't like the way I look at you. Please, for the love of Castiel, please put on a shirt for me."

I look down at her but she's staring at Die Hard like it's more important than what we're doing.

"Why?"

"I'm... uncomfortable." She sounds …  uncomfortable. Obviously, genius.

I snort. "Baby, I've been out of the game for a while, but the way you  look at me, you're not uncomfortable, are you?" Please tell me I'm  reading the signs right. This is all bullshit if it's not what I think  it is. I can't be reading it that wrong.

"I think you're so bloody beautiful, I'm wondering what you're doing  here on the couch with me, when you have Alysha on the backburner. And  that makes me uncomfortable."

I grinned at the beautiful part, even if a man doesn't like being called  beautiful, it's still a plus. My mouth dropped that act real fucking  quick when all Sera did was force-feed me the truth. I exhale through my  nose, and try and think of a way that I can explain my situation to  her.

She's going to see the ugly part of me and turn tail. It was too good to be true, man.

"I guess I deserve that."

"Yeah, you deserve it!" She's flaring at me full on now, her eyes are  fierce and her mouth is moving fast. Her hands get in the mix and  physical harm looks like it's going to happen tonight.

"You've been with Alysha a long time, am I right?"

I nod.

"The whole tossing her aside thing is more than freaking me out.  Beautiful guys like you, they use and destroy girls like me. And if you  can toss aside Alysha when she's clearly that gorgeous, I'm wondering  what's in store for me."         

     



 

Girls like her? What the fuck? No. She doesn't get it.

"Baby, you're not getting it. The question isn't if you're good enough  for me, looks-wise, personality-wise, what the fuck ever, but whether  I'm good enough for you." I clench my jaw tight, and my hand's on the  back of her neck making sure she can read my face. I don't like being  told what I do, especially when I don't do it.

"Then prove it to me. Prove to me that I'm good enough for you."

With fucking pleasure, baby. But I need to go slow with you, turtle-slow.

"I thought I was doing that, Sera. You think Aly even says hello to  Matty, you think she talks to him about Batman and Superman? Yeah,  right. She can't even fucking deal with my sugars let alone the kid. You  think Aly plays with him? Christ, Sera, did you see how he asked you to  play soccer? I don't even do that, and you're a stranger. That means  something to me. From where I'm sitting you're more than good enough.  And I haven't even started on the killer body you have."

She looks like she doesn't believe me.

"Speaking of the soccer game - why did you bloody kiss me when I took my  penalty kick? I ended up scoring and I made him cry. I was going to  miss."

I nod. Changing the Subject 101. "You don't think he would've known that? He's four, not an idiot."

"But he cried! And it's my fault!" Sera actually looks …  hurt. Fucking  shit, I want this girl in my bed …  now. Wait, what did she say?

"Sera, that's a lesson he has to learn. He has limitations, he needs to  know that he can't push his body like everyone else can."

"But he's four! Can't he learn that lesson when he's forty-five or something?" She waves off her hand into the distant future.

"This isn't what I really wanted to talk about."

"Oh-kay... I'm still pissed at you."

This whole conversation is a master ping-pong game I can't hope to win.  My strategy is shot to shit, and she's spinning me around in circles.

Just answer her like a normal dude would.

"Are you pissed because you messed up? Or is it because I kissed you and  you lost your concentration?" I gamble, and slowly move my hand so it's  resting on the side of her face. She freezes in my gentle grip, but I  can tell she's not going to give up.

"They're one and the same, Hunt."

"No, baby, they're not and you know it." Christ, I can't stop touching  her, touching her cheek, trailing my thumb along the bone. Her smell is  driving me fucking insane. "We're going to take it slow, as slow as you  want to go. I don't want you running."

Good man, lay it all out there. Let's see what happens next. Who wants popcorn?

"What will I run from? What's so bad about you?" she asks, and the words  feel like their bullet holes punched through my chest. She's going to  find out, but later. Much later.

I freeze, pulling in a deep breath. "I'm screwed up, just like everybody  else. I have demons, just like everybody else. But I'm going to show  you the good, Sera, so when we get to the bad, you'll stay  –  because you  want to."

"You're kinda freaking me out. This isn't normal dating behaviour."

"Am I normal?"

I'm expecting her to give me the truth, the actual truth of what she  thinks of me, but her hands have somehow hit my scalp and it's fucking  doing things to my body, mainly making me lose my head.

"Well, yeah. I don't see horns sprouting out of your head, and your  chompers don't have any sharp edges to suck my blood with. Unless you're  a werewolf?"

"I like how you make me laugh when I'm trying to be serious." I don't  understand women. I can't help smiling and kiss her cheek for it.

"I like making people laugh. Still, I don't know why you're telling me  this up front. Or why you want to date me. What about Alysha?"

"I'll deal with Aly. She and I were over last month, my mom just doesn't  know it yet," I bite out, trying to calm myself down. No one's going to  ruin this for me. No one.

"All you need to worry about is you and me. I don't lie, Sera, but you  don't know that much about me to get that. You'll learn, soon enough. I  don't cheat; my asshole father did enough of that. I don't do drugs, or  drink out of hand  –  I have Matty to look after."

I'm not good enough for you, baby. Please, take a chance on me.

"I'm stubborn, you'll get that soon enough. I have demons, too, which  isn't a surprise. So, I'm asking you to take this slow with me, to see  where this goes. If it ends badly, I... I want us to be friends. I can  be your friend, Hunt. I'm a good friend."         

     



 

I couldn't be able to look at her and think of her as my friend. That  wouldn't work for us. It's all or nothing, and you've gambled on  everything.

"I haven't had a friend in a long time, baby. I might have forgotten how  to be one." Yeah, maybe I shouldn't've said that. Now I sound needy.

Sera nods, like she gets it. "Like riding a bike, or swimming. You know  how to do it. As a friend, wanna come over to my buddy's housewarming on  Saturday? Um, we can bring Matty along, but he might get bored-"

"No. I'll make arrangements."

Yes! I resist the urge to raise my first in the air. I need to win Sera  over. The kid's way ahead of me on that one. I move, without  consultation from my brain, to land a kiss on her cheek, pushing my luck  and placing it closer to the corner of her mouth. I don't know how I do  it without devouring her.

This all needs to be for her, not you. This is going to be painful.

"That was the last one, I swear. From now on, you call the shots. You want my arm off you?"

"I-I kind of like it where it is," she whispers. I keep my arm right where it is and grin at the screen. Fucking right.

"I taped The Outsiders for you, if you want to watch that."

Feeling her move, I look down at a surprised look on her face. "How the frak did you know I love The Outsiders?"

Oh, yeah, that. "Your shirt, ‘My heart belongs to Ponyboy Curtis'. I  looked it up. Didn't think I could be jealous of a guy in a book. But I  was."

Pathetic, that I thought I could take on a fictional character. Not so  pathetic when I catch the look on her face for recording a movie that  she might own.

And if I feel like I can tear down brick walls with my bare hands, and  uniquely take on a gang of thirty rough-and-tough assholes without  feeling my sugar drop for an instant, well, I've found my new drug of  choice. Her name is Sera.