Jesus fucking Christ, what is this kid doing to me? I look at Sera who looks mighty interested in my boots again. How much of a shit does she think I am that Jules’ kid doesn’t want to go home with me?
“Buddy, I’ve had a really long day. I just want to go home and sleep. Now let’s go.” Please, kid, don’t give me shit, not right now. Not in front of her. The little shit hugs my legs again, tighter this time, like he can stop me from going back to our place.
“But I wanna stay heeeeeeeeeeerrrrre!” He whines, beats his fists against my legs, and I just let him. I deserve this; I deserve to be embarrassed in front of Sera and all her friends. And I’m so fucking tired of fighting when whatever I do will never ever be good enough.
“Hunter, let’s go to the hall a sec. Matty, wait with Katie,” Sera says, looking to her friend to come do the unwinding of the kid’s arms from around me. Sera then opens the door, still not fucking looking at me, and waits ’til I head out into the hall first.
I need to punch something, I need to scream until my lungs burst, and my throat’s ripped raw. I just need to be fixed; I just want to be normal.
“You’re exhausted,” she almost whispers, and rubs her face quick when she thinks I’m not looking. Did Matty make her cry?
“I think you left against medical advice, but that’s your deal. I just wanted to let you know that I can keep Matty the night. You can sleep without having to worry about him.”
Who is this girl? Nobody’s that selfless, nobody.
“Let me do this. You’ll be right next door, super close by.” Sera says.
Yes, now she’s looking at me, and yeah, she’s been crying. Maybe they’re fake tears, just like the kid’s. Tears make me feel like shit, and even the kid knows how to manipulate me. I can’t take one more person doing it to me. FUCK.
“He’s my responsibility. I don’t need you doing me any favours.” I grunt. “Why are you crying?”
She’s not Aly, asshole. Stop it.
Sera shrugs, and wipes hard at her cheeks, leaving them pink. Something slithers in my chest and I’m not sure what it is or what to call it. She’s goddamn adorable when I don’t need her to be.
“It really sucks that he has diabetes. That you both do. It... just really sucks.”
There, she’s done it. Sera’s blown my world apart. No one’s ever given me the tiniest amount of sympathy since I’ve been diagnosed. No one’s ever understood that it’s a battle to wake up in the morning, knowing full well that no matter how good I am, my sugar will drop and I’ll feel like I went fifteen rounds with Muhammad Ali back in the day.
Fucking hell, I could tell her everything. I wouldn’t just let her in through a tiny crack in the door, I’d TNT every single wall I have and let her really look at me. Fear claws my insides and I know when my mouth opens something awful’s going to come out.
“It hurts you, having to take care of him?”
Her eyes are bright and she’s staring at me like I could be more. I’m going to have to disappoint her.
“Yeah,” she says.
“Good. Then you’ll keep away. Say your goodbyes in the morning. I need to sleep. And keep your fucking cell phone near you. The calls every fifteen minutes still stand.”
I push off the opposite wall, using the last bit of strength I have and walk away. Let Matty and I have tonight. He’s safer with her, anyway.
I carefully walk over to my apartment door, unlock and open it, shutting it tight like Sera’s going to chase me down and break it to get at me for being such a royal pain in the ass. I sag against it, resting my forehead against the cool surface, trying to convince myself that, hey, sleeping in a horizontal position is best.
Then that fear clogs up my throat and makes my heart beat triple time. Exhausted as I am, I have to check my sugar before going to bed.
Every step is agony, and the headache that was just background noise blooms in the center of my forehead and crawls its way to my temples. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. This isn’t life, whatever this is. You can’t call it life.
I’m stable enough to go to bed, and I snag a couple of juice boxes from the pantry and plant them on my nightstand. I chuck off all my clothes and slide into sweats, socks and a thermal since I know from crashing I’ll be freezing real soon.
I wrap the blankets around me tight, wrapped in more darkness while I will myself to get warm. The thought that chases me to sleep is how much warmer I’d be with Sera sleeping next to me.
Chapter 8
You left your nephew at a stranger’s house, asshole. Even though she’s beautiful and those green eyes of hers look like they want you, you still left the kid you’re responsible for at a stranger’s house. Get the fuck up.