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Never Been Loved(17)

By:Kars, C.M


“Hello, Matty,” Mom says, like she’s greeting the man who you’re ordering a casket from.

“Hi Grandma!” Matty squeaks. I could really love this kid. “Grandma... why do you have sunglasses on inside?”

She’s pretentious, kid. All about power. Don’t sweat it.

I unwrap the plastic masquerading as cheese, and plop it on the brown bread. I squish down with my spatula, and wait ’til the cheese melts. The whole apartment smells like burned butter awesomeness, and my stomach heeds the call. Looks like I’m gonna make another three of these bad boys. Anything to distract from my current situation.

“How was daycare today, Matty?” Mom asks, and I’m surprised she even asked. I smirk. The kid has a way with words, and telling stories with every detail included. I try and fake as much enthusiasm as possible most of the time, the rest I’m too exhausted to fucking care.

“I have a new friend! Her name is Candace, and her hair is almost white! Isn’t that cool? How come her hair is so different than my colour hair, huh? Did her mom forget to use the right crayon or something?”

I bark out a laugh while flipping my grilled cheese, getting half the thing outside of the danger zone. I’m chuckling as I plate all of the sandwiches and bring them over to Matty. I snag a napkin for each of us, and settle down to eat.

I wolf down my food, watching as my Mom settles down in one of my chairs, trying to find a way where her bony frame doesn’t hurt her.

“Alysha has been telling me disturbing things.” Typical. And completely typical that she didn’t get a kick out of Matty’s take on his friend’s hair.

I roll my eyes. “Explain disturbing.”

Mom purses her lips, and back in the day, Jules and I would sit still and quiet while she doled out punishment. Now Jules is dead three years, and I’m all alone. And I’m definitely too old for this shit.

“She’s told me you haven’t been returning her calls.”

I chew, swallow. Take another bite. Chew some more. “That’s right. I don’t see how this involves you.”

I can’t tell, but I’m sure her eyes are narrowing. “Need I remind you that you two will be getting married in the near future.”

I shake my head. “No.”

“No?” Mom has a hand over her heart, mouth slack and eyebrows popped high on her forehead. Surprise, surprise.

“Hell no. Whatever little scheme you and Alina made up when we were twelve is not going to happen. I have my life, she has hers, and there’s no place for her in mine.”

Mom purses her lips again, like I what I just said doesn’t matter. “I thought you and her were spending time together.”

I smirk, put down my last grilled cheese. I notice Matty hasn’t touched his. Great. What else can I get him to eat?

“‘Spending time’ together doesn’t mean I’m going to buy her a ring and put it on her finger. She doesn’t deserve that from me. I have Matty to think about, too. She’d be a terrible mother.”

Mom shakes her head slowly. I kind of hope she’s having a stroke. The will money would be mine, and whatever control she has over Jules’ accounts would be all mine, too. Financial security if what I’m seeing is true. But no. Mom would never make it that easy.

Plus, I’m an asshole for thinking it. Abandonment issues and all that.

“Without her, you’ll be struggling the rest of your life to provide for yourself and my grandson.”

I shrug, trying to ignore the hard thump of my heart in my chest. This is it. “Then give me Jules’ share. You’re not using it.”

Mom’s face pales out and I wonder if all that blood tries to go to warm up her ice cold heart.

“Absolutely not. I need that money.”

“Fuck you say.” I expect Matty to ask for a quarter, but I hold a hand up for silence. He seems to listen. “Sell the house, you don’t need something that big for just you. I’m the one that needs that money, Mom. I have a family now.”

A light, airy smile flits across her mouth. I’ve never seen anything more terrifying. It’s the kind of smile a black widow spider gives a fly once it’s caught in her web.

“I will not be giving up the house. I will not be giving you Jules’ inheritance, or whatever’s left of it after you ruined her.” She should’ve just stabbed me; it would’ve hurt less.

“Alina is my closest friend, and Alysha is the right choice for you. If you want to continue living in squalor, then by all means, continue to do so. If you want to remember what it was like growing up when you were home, then we both know what you have to do.”