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Never Been Loved(101)

By:Kars, C.M


She cracks her fists against the glass, not caring who she bothers, screaming. “You’re throwing everything away, for her?” Aly points at Sera behind me. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Hunter?”

Grasping the horizontal bar on my side, I hold myself back from pushing it in and going out there to do… what exactly? I can’t hit her, and I can’t do anything else than what I’m going right now.

I belong with Sera, and Aly needs to get that.

“I don’t want you. I don’t want anything to do with you, ever again. You’re not welcome here anymore.”

“You’re a fucking idiot! You’re not in your right mind to be making these decisions, Hunter!”

I lean in closer, face inches from the glass. I don’t know what I look like, but she’s taken two steps back.

“If you ever come back here again, show your face to either Sera, Matty or me, fuck, Aly, you have no idea what I’ll do. I’ll destroy your fucking life, like you’ve destroyed mine. Do you understand?” I growl, lips pulled back over my teeth.

“I did no such thing! We had good times, didn’t we, Hunter? I took care of you, baby, and you took care of me and Jules.” Aly touches the glass, palm out. “God, baby, please just let me come upstairs. I can make you feel good,” she moans.

“Hunt, let’s go upstairs.” Sera’s voice comes at me from the inside – it could be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I push myself back from the door, and look at her for a while.

I move over to her, feet numb from the cold tile and my legs are jelly. I jerk and twist with each movement, but I have to get to her, I have to, even as her beautiful face twists at the sight of me. My entire body’s shaking, my insides dancing, too.

I swallow and keep moving forward, just have to keep moving.

I get my hands around her, settle them at her lower back and let out a breath I’d been holding. I get my chin on top of her head and just hold her, ’cause the words aren’t coming out. I’m spent.

But Sera’s working her magic on me and moving me towards the elevator when all I want to do is stand still and maybe sit down and fall asleep. That’s bad, I know it’s bad, but I can’t do anything about it but just keep following Sera’s voice as the colours swirl around me.

Sera turns from me, pulling me into the elevator and I settle my cheek on her hair. Such beautiful long hair that smells like cake. Her body’s so warm, too, not like mine. I’m really cold, and I need a pair of socks.

Aly’s still making noise but I don’t care anymore.

I don’t care about a lot of things.

We’re in front of my place, and Sera has the door open, pulling me inside. She gets me on the couch, but I’m too dumb to let go at the right time, so she pushes out of my arms.

She moves to the fridge and comes back with a bottle of water and a juice.

God, she’s beautiful and perfect. And here she is, saving me again.

She holds out the juice to me, but I need her, so I get her to tumble onto my lap, and hold her there. When the sugar starts kicking in, I’m going to have to talk, and I’m going to have to think of which words I want to say.

It’s only when I lean in to kiss her as the sugar starts working does she speak.

“Wipe her off of you.”

I ten-hut it, getting some water from the bottle and wiping Aly off my lips with my shirt.

She’s going to end it, can’t you see?

“You said you wouldn’t give up on me, Sera.” I get my arms tighter around her, before she has a chance to bolt. I’ve hurt her again, I’m always hurting her. Maybe it’s time to let her go?

She’s crying now, crystal tears falling down her cheeks, past her chin to fall down on me, too.

“I’m not giving up on you, Hunt. I’m giving up on us,” she whispers, pulling away from me.

I keep shaking my head like it’s going to do something, anything, to fix this. “My body gave up on me, why wouldn’t you?”

“That’s... That’s not it, and you ... you know it,” she hiccups, sniffling.

“Explain it to me then, because I don’t fucking understand,” I demand, getting her hands back in mine. I get her next to me on the couch again, and hold her face so I can really look at her, into her.

Sera closes her eyes.

Looks like you’ve lost, buddy.

“I’m not what you need, Hunter. God, you’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” She tries to pull away from me, but I won’t let her, not this time. She’s gone in her head and twisted everything I’ve ever said to her. She’s not going to believe anything I’ll ever say again.