Never Been Kissed(92)

How could he ever want me?

“My body gave up on me, why wouldn’t you?”

My visions goes blurry with tears, and my hearts feels like it’s being sliced to pieces, slowly, oh so slowly. I choke on a sob, crossing my arms over my chest to hold it in, to keep the pain where it’s meant to be.

“That’s... That’s not it, and you ... you know it,” I hiccup, sniffing loudly.

“Explain it to me then, because I don’t fucking understand,” he growls, grabbing my hands and pulling my arms away from my chest. He sets me down next to him, letting go of my hands to palm my face so I can’t look away.

I close my eyes like the coward I am.

“I’m not what you need, Hunter. God, you’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” I hiss, tugging at my face, hands going to his wrists, trying to pull him off me. The traitors just sit there on his wrists, thumbs stroking along the skin, like they remember what do from the last time we were in this position. Fuck.

“Say it, Sera. Say it so you can hear how fucked up it is.”

“Aly, she-she,” I hiccup again, try to pull in enough breath to calm myself down. Opening my eyes, I continue. “She can give you what you need – money. Money makes life easier, Hunt, you know that. You know you can build a better life for Matty with her as your wife, or whatever she is. You can buy a bigger place to live in, quit your job so you’re not so exhausted anymore. She can give you that; I can’t.” I close my eyes to look away from him.

His thumbs swipe away my tears, but there’re just more to take their place.

“Baby, look at me. Please.”

The ‘please’ does it, my eyes shoot open and I stare.

“I’m sorry she kissed me, that she touched me. I’m sorry that I let her. I know I don’t deserve you, Sera, not now, not like I am. I didn’t expect you to come into my life, I didn’t expect to be given this beautiful woman who makes me want to be better. I didn’t expect to find you in nerdy shirts and Justice League Converse, putting a smile on my face in the mornings when I would pass you by to go to my shitty job, into my shitty life. I didn’t expect you to make my days better, to make me as happy as you do with your geek-speak. I didn’t expect for you to get so emotional over the people from your books and movies. I didn’t expect for you to let me into your life.”

“I didn’t expect you to let me kiss you and touch you. I didn’t expect for you to break your tiny hand because of what one asshole said. Fuck, I didn’t expect you to love Matty, to let him into your life, and you into his to make him the boy he’s meant to be. And baby, the way I see it, I want you around to make sure he grows up to be a better man than me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing,” I manage to whisper. His words, God, his words.

“I’d have money with Aly, sure. She hates Matty, and every single day being with her, it’s going to remind me of my shitty past. You make me forget all that, Sera. No amount of money is worth that. Money’s just money. I’ll get a second job if I need to.”

I want to tell him that people change their minds, that people want different things once they get older, that they want somebody else.

“Shut up, just... shut up.” Hunter shuts up. My body ignites with need, all centered at the throbbing ache between my legs. “Did she put her tongue in your mouth?”

A twitch of his lips as he shakes his head. “Not for lack of trying.”

My hands drop from his wrists, go to the hem of his shirt. I lift without taking a peek of his abs, and swipe the material across his mouth once, twice, three times making sure whatever trace of Aly remained behind is now long gone.

I want to make him feel good. And I want to be better at it than her, I want to erase her from his memory.

“Take off the shirt, Hunt.” With a fist going between his shoulder blades, the offensive shirt is quickly discarded and tossed to the floor. I squeeze my thighs together, trying to make the ache go away. This isn’t for me, this is for him. “Now, stand up.” I rearrange myself so I’m lying down the length of the couch. “Come lie down on top of me,” I tell him, watching as his body becomes enshadowed with the dim light at his back.

His weight settles on me, and I spread my legs to accommodate him, gasping at the feel of him pressed so tight against me.

“Is this okay?” he asks, looking down at me. I scoot up along the couch, moving away from his cock and what I so desperately need inside me.

“More than okay. But I want you to settle more on top of me. I can take it. Go ahead.” He goes down to his forearms on either side of me, shifting so most of his weight is on one leg outside of one of mine. His thigh between my legs lightly settles against my sex, hard and hot even through my sweats and the denim.