Never Been Kissed(85)

This is real life, and not everything goes according to plan.

Real life is not a book. There are too many emotions in real life, too many experiences that can ever be captured in a single story.

I’m not prepared for this.

Not at all.



***



That afternoon, when I hear him and Matty walk in next door, I storm out of my place and open their door without even knocking. I didn’t even give Hunter the chance to lock it, I was so fast. The Flash would’ve been proud.

They both stop when they see me, so great is their surprise. Matty is midway from tearing all his laces off his shoes to get them off, and Hunt is behind the kitchen counter, washing his hands from a hard day’s work.

“I need to talk to you,” I say, jabbing my finger in Hunter’s direction. I glance down at Matty and give him a little wave before ruffling his hair. I look back up at Hunter and order, “In your room. Now.”

I act a lot braver than I feel. My heart hurts, and my stomach’s in knots, and my asshole bladder really really wants me to pee, but this has to get done first.

When Hunter follows me from the kitchen into his room, I pat his mattress for him to sit down. He obliges and stares up at me. I do what feels right, even if it’s not the best solution out there.

I crawl into his lap, grab him around the shoulders and hug him, squeezing him with all my might. “You’re a jerk, Hunt. Frak, you’re a jerk. Why did you have to yell at me? You could’ve just told me what was on your mind, and I would’ve been okay with it.” I say into his ear, refusing to let go.

His arms wind around me slowly, like he’s afraid any sudden movements will scare me off.

“Just don’t give up on me.” He hugs me close and starts to rock back and forth, my strong, brave Hunter, holding me like I’m the only thing that can help him stand again. My throat hurts like I’ve gone and swallowed a hot poker, and my eyes and nose sting with unshed tears. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. You didn’t deserve that.”

I don’t say anything; we both know the answer, anyway.

The words I so desperately want to say to him rise up my throat; I can even taste them on my tongue. But I can’t say them, not yet. Not when he can easily throw me away.

“I told you I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to treat you right.”

I frown. “Yes, you do. Couples get into arguments, some even nasty ones. My trigger is people yelling at me, I shut down when others do. I’ve been yelled at all my life. I can’t take it. And you, you Hunter, think you always have to do everything by yourself, and no matter what, it’ll never be good enough. That was never my intention. I just wanted to give him a gift.” I kiss the shell of his ear. “Doesn’t mean we can’t make it work.”

I love you, Hunter MacLaine. Let me show you I do.

“You deserve-”

“Yeah,” I say, recalling his earlier comments. “Yeah, I deserve a man who can give me whatever I want. Well, I want a man to build me bookshelves. Can you do that?”

His eyes are stark blue, but the color warms a bit, thaws when he answers “Yes.”

“I want a man who can watch movies with me and won’t tell me to shut up when I get too excited, or end up crying. Can you do that?”

He nods, pulling me closer. I palm his face, that beautiful face that looks at me like I’m the one that told the sun to shine.

“I want a man who comments on my nerdy shirts and allows me to give his kid a bit of nerd-flair. Can you do that?”

He nods again, the blue in his eyes bright with hope. I swallow hard.

“I want a man who will kiss me every morning because he knows how fraking lucky he is to have me. Can you do that?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

“I want a man who accepts my help when he needs it and even when he doesn’t. I want a man who knows that I’m never going to make fun of him or think less of him because of what his life has made him into. Can you do that?”

Hunter’s quiet for a long time. I count the seconds with my heartbeats. “I’ll try.”

I smile at him, watch his face soften as his face gets closer to mine.

“Can I kiss you now?”

“You can kiss me anytime you want,” I tell him.

His mouth hovers on mine, stretching out the ache I’ve had for him all day. My hands go to his scalp, feeling the bristles of hair run along my palms. I shiver in his lap, and bring my body even closer to his so we’re flush – abs to abs, and chest to chest.

I love you, Hunter MacLaine.

Hunter kisses me long and deep, slow and sweet until I can’t breathe without him tasting me, licking me. I want to touch, I want to taste but now’s not the right time or the right place – even if we’re on his bed.