Never Been Kissed(67)

I’ve gotten his shorts on while panting like I’ve done a half hour on my spinning bike when a knock comes at the door. I drop Matty in a flop of limbs on his bed, and gasp that I just did that because of Hunter. Jesus.

Oh, God is he coming up here to kick me out?

Stomach twisting, I go to the door, cracking my ankles as I go on tippie-toes to reach the peephole. I swallow hard, palming the doorknob with my left hand after unlocking it and pulling it open.

I should apologize for saying what I did, but frak it felt good to take control for once in my life where I don’t know if this is actually happening – or I’m actually in a mental institution and this is all some Inception-like dream.

I step back with the opening door, not saying anything. Hunter has an unreadable look on his face, and his eyes look dead. I’m going to seriously hurt that bitch if she said anything even to remotely hurt his feelings, I swear it to Castiel.

I watch Hunter walk woodenly into his apartment, then slowly turn around to lock the door. He’s starting to scare me – maybe he’s having another sugar spike. Oh Jesus, I can’t even remember how long it’s been since he’s eaten something.

“Do you want something to eat?” I ask, backing up into his kitchen. “A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, maybe?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m just going to have another juice,” he says, voice hoarse with some sort of strain.

Class dismissed.

“I was just putting Matty to bed, then I’ll get out of your way,” I say swinging around to go to Matty’s room. Further down the hall Hunter’s room is dark, the lack of light stirring up my imagination and I wonder what he has on his walls, what color the paint is, what color his sheets are – how big his bed is.

I shake my head at my thoughts and go into Matty’s brightly lit room, and wrestle his sleeping form into his Iron Man sleeping shirt, all with my left hand being the only one that’s operational. When it’s done, I lean over Matty’s form and kiss his forehead, shocked when I hear a little hurt sound come from his throat. Moving away so I can look at him, I push his hair back off his head, watch as he struggles to open his eyes.

“Hey, little man. What’s the matter?” I whisper.

“Sera?” God, his voice is pinched and hurt, on the verge of tears. My heart stops its slow and relaxed pace and starts to sprint. “Is my Daddy okay?”

“Of course, Matty. He’s right here. Want me to get him?” I start moving off the bed, but his arm winds around my neck as he gets up and crawls into my lap, sobbing into my shoulder. I tighten my hold on him, squeezing him enough that I want the shaking of his sobs to stop. “What happened, buddy? Hunter!” I call out into the darkness of the apartment, hearing Hunter’s bedroom door open through the echo of the hallway.

“Hospitals are scary. People go away in hospitals.” Matty’s arms tighten around the back of my neck, under my hair, almost like he wants to crawl inside me so I’ll keep him safe. God, where is this kid’s mother? Why isn’t she taking care of her little boy?

“I just broke my hand, kiddo. Nothing happened to me. And you’re Daddy’s right here, look. C’mon Matty, let go so you can see.” Hunter appears in the doorway, I can only see him from my peripheral vision, the kid won’t let me turn my neck.

“I’m scared, Sera. I don’t want to go to the hospital and go away.” I grunt like I’ve been pushed, my chest cavity aches like someone’s decided to ice-pick my heart.

“No one said you’re going to go away. I’m not going to let you.” I vow, testing his grip on my neck so I can pull away to look at his face. He lets me. Was there ever a blue more beautiful than Matty’s eyes? Maybe Hunter’s – but his have seen things, have endured life and the blue there is hardened, darker and sadder. So the fear I see in Matty’s eyes has worry gnawing my insides.

“Can you sleep with me tonight? No reading, I promise!” Like reading is a chore, like taking him on adventures with just my voice is a hardship. His blue eyes are bright with pain and fear, his mouth crumpled, dark eyebrows pinched on his forehead. He’s breaking my heart.

I just want to give him comfort – but this isn’t my place, here by his side. It’s for Hunter to do, and Matty’s mom. Not me.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, little man.”

“Please, Sera! I promise I’ll be good, I promise! I won’t even think about cake, or eating bad food, and I won’t ask you for any more quarters when you say a bad word!” Matty pleads. His body trembles in the cradle of my arms, his chest heaving up and down, choking with tears. Saying no will put me in Assholeville, and I don’t want to go there.