Never Been Kissed(42)

Then I opened my mouth to say no, of all bloody things.

Hunter’s reaction to my negatory response has my stomach all twisted up in a labyrinth more convoluted than King Jareth’s. He’s been silent. With the radio off, it presses down on me, sitting heavy on my shoulders when all I want to do is break it apart and say something that’ll make him laugh.

I need to make him laugh.

His hand’s on the stick-shift, just settled there, clutching it casually. Keeping my eyes directed straight ahead, I reach for his hand. Cradling it between both of mine, I settle it on my thigh, lacing our fingers together.

Rejection sucks all the way around, and I’ve hurt him, I think. He doesn’t move from my grip, but he doesn’t acknowledge the presence of my fingers between his, either. Damn it.

Hunter parks on the street, the mansion on his side of the road, looming up with its glorious lighting on the front grounds. A mansion is just as majestic as its lighting, and the Duchess knows it.

Tugging his hand back, I keep both of mine wrapped around his paw. He kisses my knuckles, keeping his lips pressed there as his eyes stay stuck on my face, asking for permission.

“I like what we have. I like being with Matty, and I like hanging out with you. Don’t ruin it,” I say, voice soft in the darkness of the car – his door light’s busted. “Please don’t ruin it.” I can’t breathe – we’re too close to each other, his lips still warm on my skin, like a mark, a brand. That little contact has changed me forever.

A grunt from Hunter. His lips lose contact with my hand, but I won’t let go. “What about what I want? When do I get to choose?” His teeth flash in the dark, the shadows covering half his face. He might as well have pulled my heart out of my chest and stepped on it. I’m offering what I can offer without becoming destroyed when he walks away. Can’t he see?

“You made all this fucking shit, my entire fucking life, better just by walking into it with your stupid shirts.” Hunter’s eyes are blazing, the most animated I’ve ever seen him. I’m struck dumb, in awe of what he’s showing me. “That’s all it took. One look at your shirts, a different one every day after you’d come home, and fuck – Fuck! I wasn’t drowning anymore. I couldn’t wait to see what you had next. I’d listen for you to come out of your place, wonder what other little facet of you you’d show me.”

I do an awesome fish-out-of-water impression, and continue to stare. What? Who? Where am I? Am I still Sera Delos, geek extraordinaire?

His hand has left the cage of mine, and wrapped itself around the side of my throat, fingers curling around the nape of my neck. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.

“I’m not going to kiss you. Not until you’re sure of what you want, Sera.”

I deflate, sucking in air. “Good?” Jesus, wrong punctuation. Hunter notices, too, since his fingers give me a playful squeeze around my neck, like I’m being cute. I didn’t know I could be cute. I can do awkward really well.

“I want you to know that this happening. I’m going to be in your life, and you’re going to be in mine and Matty’s. You make it better. I just have to find a way to make yours just as good.” For one second, I believe him.

“I... I don’t know what to say to that.” I clear my throat. “I’m not sure if the appropriate response is ‘stalker much?’ or not.”

Hunter laughs, getting sexier by the second. I get another squeeze around the side of my neck and he brings our foreheads together. I close my eyes and let myself have this moment, because I want it, damn it.

He’s not for you.

“Maybe I’m being too intense. Maybe I’m going to scare you off.” He lets go of me, unbuckling my seat belt with a jab of his finger. “Maybe you’ll realize you’re the one I want and shut up about it.”

I rear back and snarl, “Yeah, okay, best way to get me to fall for you – be a dick. This isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey, MacLaine! I don’t ‘yes, Master’ and follow like a good little bitch. Jesus, you almost had me. Almost.” I get into a scuffle with my belt, which has trapped one of my arms, and won’t let go. I start growling at it, but with every movement I make, the belt just keeps getting tighter and tighter. Wrenching myself free, arm smarting, I wrestle the door latch and get out of the car.

Hunter’s laughing behind me as he catches up to me halfway up the stone steps. His arms go around my ribs and I freeze – waiting for that awful pinch of my fat that many family members have done to me. As if I could forget that my belly was there.