Never Been Kissed(32)
When Katie’s done with that, she stares at me, dark brown eyes warm and patient. My throat hurts, and my eyes well up. We’re the only ones in here at this time, situated at the back of the restaurant in a secluded booth.
“Oh, Sera. What’s wrong?”
I’m breathing fast, breath hitching as I struggle to mash my lips together and let it stay stuck inside. “There has to be something wrong with me, right? For me to be this age, and like this?” ‘This’ ever only means one thing in our conversations. “I’m... I don’t know what to do.”
“Just tell me what’s wrong, ok? I need to know what’s wrong first,” Katie asks, squeezing my hand.
I nod, sip at my ice cold water. It flares the pain in my throat to a higher pitch. I struggle to breathe through my nose, mortified that my tears are now there for everyone to see.
“I...Frak. Hunter from next door asked me out.”
Katie’s voice is dry when she says, “I’m failing to see the problem here, Delos.”
I nod again, take another drink of water. “I can’t explain it. Why? Why would he want to date me when no one ever has?”
“Not this again. Don’t make me slap you.” She’d do it, too. She waves the waiter over and orders us two sakes. The waiter has eyes only for her. And there it is, whatever deity or the universe or whatever telling me that this is all a cruel joke. That Hunter could never want me in that way.
“You have to say those words. You’re my best friend.”
Katie legit growls at me like a mountain lion, her red nails curling into the edge of the table.
I continue. “He’s so awesome and beautiful and strong, K, and he says he wants to take me out dinner, but he has a kid, and they’re both diabetic, and I’m not what they need.” More tears fall to my cheeks; I hurry to wipe them away.
“Again, how is this a problem? He’s been straight-up. The thing you need to ask him is where this goes after horizontal tango commences. Is there a relationship – if that’s what you want? Everything’s more complicated because of Matty. You guys have to be careful. I just don’t see the problem here.”
“K, he’s going to see me naked. I can’t... I can’t-” I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath. There’s so much pressure in my chest, so much of it I just want to scream, and scream for the rest of my life. God, it hurts to so much, thinking of his beautiful, perfect body. “Who would want me? Who ever wants me?”
“You see this knife, Sera?” She holds it up. “I’m going to fucking stab you with it if you keep talking like this. You’ve had shit for family. Fine, I get it. But their words are poison. You can’t let yourself believe them. Don’t you see what it’s doing to you?”
I voice the truth I’ve only ever admitted to myself. “How can they all be wrong? How can so many people be wrong about me when they all say the same fucking thing?”
Katie’s brown eyes are full of tears, too. “Why do you insist on hurting yourself this way? That you’re not good enough because you’re not some skinny bitch?”
“Said skinny bitch is sitting across from me,” I mutter, swiping my napkin across my cheeks faster than the Flash.
Katie scoffs, throwing back the last bit of her water. “Skinny is all relative. It’s not the end-all, be-all of life.”
I shut my eyes. I don’t know how so many years of words from other people, especially those of my family have built this cage over me. I’ve allowed them to keep me down, to restrict me. I gratefully smile at our waiter when the sushi comes out.
Katie does that ear to shoulder thing again, regarding me from a new angle, like she hasn’t seen me in this light before. It makes me nervous.
“You know, I think that if I swung the other way, I’d choose you in a heartbeat.” She smiles when I bark out a laugh.
“Same goes, sistah. Same goes.” I steal a piece of sushi she’s been eyeing. “Thank you for everything,” I sniffle.
“Done with your hysteria? Good. Now tell me everything.” So I tell her everything, in detail. Multiple times. She does the sign of the cross over me and gives me her blessing.“I would do it, but I’m not you. Shit, you’ve got yourself a badass. Tats?” I nod. “Six-pack. Miiiiii. My ovaries just exploded.”
I laugh. “I think I’m going to take it slow. I don’t know him, after all.”
“What do you think dating is for, anyway? To get to know the other person. And I’m always here if you need any advice. The guys, too, okay? They’d do anything for you.” Katie nods at me, like this should explain everything. In my misery, I’d forgotten what great friends I have. They can get me through everything. Even when Hunter breaks my heart.