“Daddy, Daddy! Can I have a piece of cake? Pleaseeeeeeeeeee?”
Hunter shakes his head and ruffles the little guy’s hair. He looks exceptionally adorable with a little shirt and red tie (his new favourite color), and slacks. And I can’t even believe he’s started calling me Mom. Terrifying and wonderful at the same time.
“I’ll get you something good, okay?” I tell him, and get an angelic smile as a reward. He scampers off for some more dancing, and I’m hoping all that exercise is going to keep his sugars level before bed tonight. I call the waiter over and ask for some vanilla gelato, and instruct for only one scoop.
“You spoil him, you know,” Hunter says, grabbing my hand and keeping it in both of his.
“You know you guys are allowed to cheat like the rest of us with special considerations. I don’t want him to feel like he’s missing anything.” I watch Matty get into the rhythm of a throwback of Macklemore’s Thrift Shop, and watch him look at us in shock when the words ‘motherfucker’ come out of the speakers. Priceless.
“He’s going to have to learn that there are limits, baby. You know that.”
I look at Hunter, and smile at him, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. “I know. When that day comes, a little piece of me is going to die.”
Hunter only nods, but the way he holds my hand, I know he understands what I mean.
Oh, there are days when we fight and I want to claw his eyes out, and I’m sure he wants to throttle me, or shake some sense into me. But my badass superhero pictures are on his wall, and his artwork is on our bedroom wall, and I look at that sketch of myself he drew a year ago now. A lot has changed since then, and a lot hasn’t. A work in progress, as most things in life are.
And I’m finally okay with that. I’m not always going to have the answers, and I’m not always going to be right. There is no black and white, and the shades of grey are confusing as frak, too. What I do know is that I have Matty and Hunter to look after me as much as I look after them.
I have a wonderful group of friends with me today, laughing and butchering the Greek music with syllables they shout out that are supposed to sound like the lyrics. Hunter’s sugars are stable enough that if he grabs something to eat right now, we can dance for the next hour. I keep an eye on Matty, until he catches my eye and I wave him over to eat his gelato. He doesn’t complain or gripe but wolfs it down as much as a four year old can, getting approximately sixty-five percent of it on his clothes, before scampering off to try his hand at break-dancing.
“I’m still having a hard time believing he’s gonna be five in a couple of weeks.” Hunt says, leaning back in his chair and pulling me closer so I can sit on his lap – one of my favourite places to be. “He’s looking like Jules less and less every fucking day.”
I lean close with a hand over his heart, and settle my weight into his side.
“You know, a wise man once said: ‘Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.’ Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.”
Hunter’s quiet for a time, until I feel his lips at my temple, and when I look at him, his blue eyes are bright. “I miss her, every fucking day.”
“I know, Hunt. I know.”
He pulls me closer and kisses me, sweet and soft. “I love you, Sera.”
I smile, because I’ve always, always wanted to use this line. “I know.” And I start laughing, ruining the serious moment.
“What? What just happened?” Hunter asks, staring up at me all confused.
“You’re going to learn about the Jedi code soon enough, Hunter mou. And we’re going to violate it night after night.”
He smiles, eyes crinkling. “Do we want to violate the Jedi code?”
“Mmmm. Yes. Yes we do.”
Hollering comes from the dance floor, Matty somehow being the loudest, using his whole body to get into the authority of his voice. We’re being called onto the dance floor, and I get up somewhat reluctantly and pull Hunter with me.
“I’m gonna suck at this,” he says, a grimace on his face.
“Greek dancing is a rite of passage. Just follow my lead and you’ll be alright. No one’s judging you, okay? You can do this.”
My favourite Greek song in the entire world blasts over the speakers and I lead the circle, even pausing mid-step for Katie to stuff a napkin in my hand that I whip around in the air, taking small steps since I wasn’t allowed to wear Converse tonight.
Time passes and finally I’m allowed to dance a slow song with my man.
Hunter holds me close to his body, big hands building that fire in me again and again, his sweet smile turning my heart over and making me forget whatever crap happened that day.