Never Been Kissed(107)

“I mind,” I growl, hauling on the sheets and blankets when Katie hogs them.

“She speaks!” Katie raises her arms up at the ceiling, like ‘look! I did it!’

We’re quiet for a time, my emotional numbness starting to slowly thaw away now that I’m going to have to tell her what happened. I can’t stay immune, even though I need to. I don’t want to tell her what I did, that I fell in love, that I was stupid enough to do so.

“You gonna tell me what happened or am I going to have to guess?” I stay quiet. Katie grunts, and I watch her press a finger to her lips, tapping a rhythm out. “You got a horrible, and I mean horrible case of PMS?” She turns to look at me, and I keep doing my trick of staring through her.

“Okay, that’s definitely not it. Was Guardians of the Galaxy not what you were hoping for? There’s no need to go catatonic over a movie.” I ignore that, too.

“You found out that the actor who plays Jax Teller is gay? Oh my God, Dean Winchester is gay! Tom Hiddleston!?”

“You don’t even know who you’re talking about,” I say. My voice sounds dead even to my ears.

“Fuck yeah, I know who they are. Jax Teller, the blonde hottie in Sons of Anarchy. The one you’ve been obsessed with since 2008. Let me tell you, I would not mind if I rode on the back of his bike.” She holds up another finger, ticking them off, one by one.“Dean Winchester, the shorter hottie on Supernatural, where all evil things go bump in the night and want to kill the brothers. They die a lot.”

I almost snort. Almost.

“And of course, that British gentleman that played Loki, the god of mischief, and a sexy pain in the ass in the Avengers. I know who you perv on, Delos, and I approve for the most part. So? Which one is gay? Not like you ever had a chance, these sexy mofos in Hollywood, or er, London or whatever, go after their own kind – models and shit. And you baby, are only five-four.”

“No one’s gay.” I almost want to laugh.

“Then what the fuck happened? Are you pregnant? Holy shit, are you?” She bounces onto her side, jostling me in the bed. Eyes big in her face, I’m not sure I can tell her. I end up shrugging a shoulder, a tiny movement, while I let my eyes droop shut.

“Don’t ruin your Friday because of me. Go hang out with your work buddies, or the boys. I’ll be okay.”

I won’t be okay, I won’t be okay. Stay here with me, and see that I’m not okay. Fix me, make me feel better.

“Ruin my Friday? I’m a single bitch, I get to do whatever the fuck I want. I don’t have to say anything to anybody and it’s awesome. Hey, where’s the Sex God?”

I clear my throat, keeping my eyes closed all the while. Here it is, here it comes.

“We... We broke up.”

“Yeah? What happened?” Cautious, she’s cautious now. Her voice is smooth and delicate like she’s trying to talk down a potential jumper. You’ve got something to live for...

“He wanted somebody else, that’s all.”

I can hear her frowning, it changes the bubble of silence in my bed. “That doesn’t make sense. Start from the beginning. I can’t make an accurate analysis if I don’t have all the specifics. One, two, three, go.”

I sigh good and long, telling her without words that I don’t want to talk about this.

“C’mon, you know you wanna tell me everything.” She play-punches me on the shoulder. “Or I could always knock on his door and ask him what he thinks happened.”

My heart races, making me warm. I’d rather go back to numb. “Go ahead. He’ll tell you what I just told you.”

“Still doesn’t make sense, Sera. You were happy, you told me so in daily texts.”

“I misread everything.”

“Impossible. You’re the smartest person I know,” she says this like smarts are what got me into this. My brain took a bloody vacation and my dumb heart took over. I clearly wasn’t thinking straight when I fell in love with Hunter.

“You don’t know a lot of people, then.”

She sits up abruptly, taking the blankets with her. I claw at them, dragging them up to my chin and resume looking through her.

“Stop this! Stop being so pathetic!” Tough love - I hate it. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself and tell me what happened.” Katie snarls, pulling on the covers again.

“What does it matter?” My voice is so dead-sounding, you don’t even hear the last bit being a question. “It’s over. I’m looking for new places to move into.”

“What about Matty? What about him?”

“What about him?” Shit, I’m not so numb anymore. “He’s Hunter’s, okay? He’s not mine, never was. Hunter made his choice. He doesn’t want me.”