"You ruin everything, you asshole." I let a few tears escape. It doesn't matter, not like he'll remember any of this tomorrow.
"Wait." He sits up, flinching. "Don't go."
I shake my head and put my pants and shirt back on, unable to look at him now. I grab my sweater and pull on my boots, fighting the overwhelming urge to throw them at his head.
"You ruin everything," I say again before walking out the door. "Everything."
I stomp down the hallway, leaving a fiery wake.
I suppose it could be worse; I could be toting my panties in my purse.
Chapter 2
Foster
I sleep it off for the next few hours. The sun is setting by the time I'm able to haul my ass out of bed, and I can't help but wonder what Jules is doing after my stunt. Did she go home to cry? Did she light a cigarette even though she gave them up months ago? Did she say fuck him and decide to hit up one of the many end-of-year parties? Did she fashion a Foster voodoo doll and poke him with needles?
I did it on purpose, knowing it was an asshole move. I called out Ash's name because I can't say no to Jules on my own. I know I'm playing games, fucking with her head. Pulling her in and pushing her away. It's a constant fight between my head and my heart. I can't think straight where she's concerned. Today, I wanted to be near her. Just for a while. But then I took it too far and I panicked. Once again, I acted like a douche so she had to make the decision to stop because I couldn't.
The truth is I could never forget one thing about Jules. Her smell, her touch, her long dark hair-streaked with rainbow colors that change according to her mood. Or her tiny body with just the perfect amount of curves. Even her heart has its own special beat. I'd recognize her anywhere-no matter how drunk I may be. I'd never mistake my Jules.
But I had to do something. I couldn't go through with it. She deserves so much more than what I can give her. I don't want to contaminate her with my poison. I've let myself do it too many times in the past, the selfish bastard that I am. It's just sometimes it's almost impossible to not touch her.
Still a little sore from her ball-busting, I limp to the kitchen for some water. I drink my fill and pour the rest down the drain, imagining spilling it all over Jules' body and lapping it up.
Christ.
My poor junk doesn't know what the hell is up. From blue balls to an assault, and back to blue balls. She's been gone for hours and I'm still hard thinking about her. Her lithe body covered only in purple polka dot panties and matching bra. Spunky, that girl, even down to her underwear. And here I sit like a horny teenager, pining for someone I will never deserve.
A knock on the door does nothing to pull me out of my condition. If it's Jules, I don't care. I'm taking her. Against the wall, on the counter, in my bed. I can't go on like this much longer.
When I answer, it's not Jules. It's Ashley.
Karma is a nasty bitch.
"Foxy Foster," Ash says, walking past me into my apartment.
Ash is the opposite of Jules-girly, tall, and voluptuous. She's in a pink sweat-suit, the word Juicy plastered across her ass.
This is our pattern. I hang out at the bar when the guilt and loneliness are too much to handle, and Ashley comes by after her shift to help me forget. It's been months since I've been drunk though; I know I should feel bad about it, but I don't. Not after what happened to one of the kids at the Center-my secret place of penance. I needed something to take the edge off.
Even so, I know it was the easy way out. What can I say? I'm weak and destructive, and if I don't want to destroy yet another person, I need to stop this shit with Ash too.
"I see you're ready for my visit," she says, tracing a finger down my bare chest to the opening in my jeans. She makes the mistake that my hard-on is for her. It's for Jules. Always for Jules.
"About that," I say to her, glancing down at the bulge in my jeans. "I can't do this anymore, Ash. It's not right."
Ashley doesn't relent. She leans in and pulls my zipper down all the way. "I disagree," she says, backing me into the wall.
"Don't," I start to protest, but I can't deny her touch feels good. I want to get lost again and this is the only thing that can take me away and help me forget for a few minutes.
"Foster," Ash says. "Don't be so dramatic. Don't you think I know you're thinking about her when we're together?"
My mouth drops open. Surely, I've been a better actor than this. I'm the ultimate player-all suave and sweet-talking. Damn, I can't even do that right.
She lifts my chin and plants the softest kiss on my lips-even though Ash doesn't do soft. With us, it's always been hard, fast, and frantic. "It's okay," she whispers on my lips. "You take away my pain too. And I need you." Ash catches my bottom lip in her teeth and pulls. "Now."
That's all she needs to do. I capture her lips and devour them. Like I need her to breathe, to survive. In some ways, it's exactly what I need. She is saving me. I pull her close and she wraps those long legs around my waist as I walk her to my kitchen counter. The bed is too intimate for us-always has been.
Ash unzips her sweatshirt and I do the rest. I yank, strip, and pull until she's sitting on my counter, wearing only a thong. I cup her breasts and wrap my lips around her nipple, tasting, sucking, and pretending I'm with Jules. That it's her body writhing from my touch.
I think about what it'd be like to be with Jules completely. I've yet to make love to her. We've been drunk and we've fucked. It was fantastic, but I've never fully given myself to her. If I did, I could never go back to being just friends. She'd eventually learn the truth and leave me. For good.
So I settle for what we have right now. I only have one year left with Jules. One year together and then it's over. She'll go her way to her life, her future. And I'll have mine-one where I float in the present, never moving forward, eating up time with girls like Ash-the fucked up and the low. I have one year to keep up this charade. One year to ignore the way my body responds to Jules. One year to pretend.
I quickly pull my jeans down to my thighs and roll on a condom.
I wrap Ashley's hair around my fist and pull her head back so I can't see her face.
Then I plunge into her and get lost.
**MORE THAN THIS is now available, click here to continue reading**
Also by Clare James:
Also by Clare James:
The Impossible Love Series
BEFORE YOU GO, book #1, Discover the Impossible Love Series with the international best-selling romance novel that started it all. "Readers of Tammara Webber and Colleen Hoover will enjoy this book." A hook-up with a hot stranger from the local bar--what could go wrong? Tabby and Noah find out in this heartfelt romance.
MORE THAN THIS, book #2 in the series is a standalone companion story featuring the steamy romance between the eccentric spitfire, Jules, and the resident party guy, Foster. Available Now!
NOT WITHOUT YOU, book #3, revisits Noah and Tabby two years later, where they are now discovering that life doesn't get easier after you leave campus. What began as a sweet story of love and redemption, turns into something dark, intense … and, at times, disturbing. Available Now!
TALK TO ME, book #4, is a standalone hockey romance about Finn Daley, who took the world by storm two years ago when he was drafted by the NHL. The young, handsome, high-scoring player quickly became a fan favorite. He had everything going for him: fame, fortune, a promising career, and his pick of women. But when he made an abrupt exit from the NHL, everything changed and he's been in hiding ever since. Casey Scott plans to find out why.
About the Author
Clare James writes steamy contemporary romance and new adult stories, penning more than a dozen novels. Her Entangled Brazen debut, CAUGHT, was a #1 Best-Selling Romance Series, and the touching family drama, TWO-HOUR TRUCE, also hit #1 as a category bestseller.
Clare is fan of spunky women, gorgeous guys, and super-hot romance, and spends most of her time lost in books. When she's not reading, you can find her locked away writing. Clare is also a former dancer and still loves to get her groove on – mostly to work off her beloved cupcakes and red wine. She lives in Minneapolis with her two leading men – her husband and young son – and is always on social media chatting with readers.
Find her at:
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