The messages go on. I feel terrible for causing her worry. I wasn’t able to call her earlier because of all the commotion here.
“Okay, it should be fine for now. Before the race, you’ll get a shot for the pain, so you’ll be able to race,” a member of our medical team says. I nod, and jump off the table. I hurry toward the locker room, so I can finally call Ella, and hear her beautiful voice.
“Jake?” I hear her worried voice. “Oh my god, are you okay?”
“Hey, babe, I’m fine,” I assure her, and I hear her loud exhale. “Just a minor injury, nothing worse.”
“Damn it, I was worried sick. I only heard you had a nasty fall, and that was it. Scenes of Josh’s accident played in my head the whole day.”
“It’s alright, babe. Don’t worry. I’m perfectly fine. Even better now that I’m talking to you. How are you?” I hear her take a deep breath and then, silence. “Babe, what is wrong?”
“I can’t do this,” she starts.
“What are you talking about?” What the hell is she talking about?
“You and me. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this.” I hear her sigh; her voice is shaking.
“Don’t say that. Of course you’re strong enough. Why wouldn’t you be? It was just a little fall.”
“Jake…” she says quietly. “Maybe this time, but what about next time? Next time, you may not be as lucky.”
“What are you saying?” My head is pounding, the result of the throbbing pain in my hand, fatigue, and her words.
“Look, I would never force you to choose between me and motorcycling, I know how much motorcycling means to you. That’s why I made the decision that it’s best if we part ways. I can’t handle this pressure, and this confusion in my head anymore. I’m going crazy worrying about you, just waiting for someone to call and tell me I’ve lost you, too. That can’t happen. My heart could not handle it.”
Her words cut like a knife. “Babe, you haven’t lost me. I’m still here. Why are you doing this to us?”
“Please, let me finish. It’s really difficult for me to say this. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, but this accident reminded me why I made a promise to myself that I’ll never again date a motorcyclist. I think it’s time to listen to myself. Goodbye, Jake, and good luck with your racing. I love you, I will always love you, but I just can’t live in this constant fear anymore.”
I drop my head in shock, and listen to her cry. I don’t want to lose her, but on the other hand, I’m angry she gave up on us so easily.
“You can’t tell me you love me, and then break up with me in the same breath,” I say angrily. “You can’t do this to us. I need you. I won’t let you run away from us just because you’re scared.”
“Jake, please, don’t make things harder than they already are. Motorcycling is what you need, what you breathe. You’re meant to do this.”
“No!” I shout into the phone, then put myself together and calm my voice. “I won’t surrender just like that, and give up on us. I love you, too. Have you thought about what you’re doing to me? I finally found the right girl, in every sense of the word. I know you feel the same about me. You can’t…” I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “We have to talk in person. I’m flying home right after the race on Sunday.”
“Jake, goodbye,” is all I hear before she hangs up on me. I kick the locker in front of me angrily. I want to throw my phone in the wall, but I would then have to buy a new one, and I don’t have time for that so I stop myself.
“Fuck,” I yell before I head to my trailer to watch the footage of my training and make an analysis.
When I get there and turn on the TV, the news is on, and there’s the footage of my fall and the interview right after the accident.
At the training before the qualifications, Jake Burns has injured a wrist when he lost control over his bike, and ended up on the abrasive sand by the track. Luckily, he escaped any major injuries.
The next shot is of me: “I know why I fell, it was completely my fault. I hit the brakes too soon on my second turn where the green rug was laid, which was soaked wet from rain the day before. I didn’t react correctly, and skidded off the track. I’ve learned from my mistake, and believe me this’ll never happen again.”
~ * ~
Ella and I had a terrible fight earlier, or if I use her words, we broke up. But in this moment, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I’m on the other side of the world, which is frustrating as hell. I’ve been up the whole night, thinking about what she said. I know it must be horrible for her not to know what’s going on with me, and if I’m okay. I also know that there are many factors that added to why she reacted this way, not just because of my accident earlier today. The constant attention of the press doesn’t help either. She must constantly put up with nasty remarks from jealous, vicious women.