Never Again(64)
“As I already told you, I don’t want to miss a single minute with you. You make me so happy that everything around me seems insignificant. You only had to smile, and I was hooked. When you spoke, you enchanted me, and you had me at a single glance.” I inhale deeply and continue. I have to tell her what’s on my mind. Perhaps then it won’t be so difficult to tell her about Liz. “Ella, you changed my life. My thoughts are no longer focused solely on motorcycling; it’s you who is constantly on my mind.” I kiss her shoulder. She turns around, and sits in my lap so our chests are touching, and wraps her arms around my neck. She rains kisses on my lips, neck, and chest. “Babe, I’m not finished yet.” My eyes serious, I put my hands on her cheeks. I want her to look at me as I’m telling her. So she knows I mean it. “Ella, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think I love you. No, I know I love you.” She freezes in my arms and stares me with wide eyes. “You don’t have to say it back. I know you’ve been through a lot, that you’ve already loved someone deeply, and he was taken from you. But I wanted you to know. I love you,” I repeat. “And I’ll make it my life’s mission to show you this every day.” She doesn’t say anything; she only crushes her lips to mine, and tells me with her kiss she feels the same. The kiss is full of determination and love at the same time; bitter, yet sweet. “Move in with me,” I blurt out, and her lips freeze on top of mine.
“Jake…”
“I’m serious, move in with me. I’m not saying it has to be today or tomorrow, but I want you to at least think about it. I want you here.”
“I’ll think about it,” she says and I kiss her, a big grin on my face. I kiss her eyelids, nose, cheeks, chin, lips and every other part of her body. We make love for a long time in the tub until the water is already freezing, and her lips are blue. I carry her to bed, where we continue our lovemaking session.
“Jake?” she says, sleepily, an hour later as we are lying in the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. We’re covered with a thin sheet, and our eyes are closed. She is tracing lazy circles on my chest.
“Mm-hm?”
“I love you, too,” she says. A grin splits my face, and I hug her tightly. Life could not be better. I fall asleep with a big smile on my face.
Ella
It's been three weeks since we've declared our love to one another, and he’s told me every day how much he loves me. We rarely see each other, but when we’re together, it’s magical. The feelings that overwhelm me when I’m in his arms are indescribable. It all seems so unreal. I completely lose myself in his kisses, and can’t think straight when I’m with him, I can only feel. Only the thought of him makes my heart beat a hundred times faster. I realized I’m happy with him, and it’s been so long since I’ve been that happy. Two and a half years ago—that’s the last time I felt anything at all. Tears are threatening to spill down my face, but this time these are tears of joy. He makes me happy. The first time he told me he loved me I panicked because in that moment I realized our relationship is real. I didn’t know how to respond at first. I knew I felt the same, but I was afraid to tell him. Afraid because, if I told him, my world would come crashing down again. After Josh died and before I met Jake, I was dead on the inside. I felt absolutely nothing; I only existed. When Jake came into my life, he showed me I could love again. I don’t love him the same way I loved Josh, but that doesn’t mean I love him any less. It just means that every love is different. Josh was the past I will never forget, but Jake is my future and my world.
It is the end of May. The temperatures have finally risen a little. Sophie and Matt are at work, Jake is on the way to France, and I have the morning off. I want to spend it with my mom. We haven’t seen each other in ages, so we’re going shopping. I decide to walk to the shopping center because the weather is lovely, and a half-hour walk will be nice for me. I look left, and then right, down the street. I cannot shake the feeling that someone is watching me...almost as if I’m being followed. I quicken my step, and watch as people hurry about their business. Young moms are pushing their strollers down the street, and construction workers are going to lunch. I don’t see anybody following me, but the eerie feeling of being watched is still present. I meet my mom in a restaurant on the corner of the shopping center. I exhale in relief as I enter the restaurant. I see she’s still not here, so I sit down at the first empty table. Just then, I hear: