I wake up in my own bed. The morning light is peeking out of the blinds on my windows. I blink a few times, trying to remember how I got here.
“Josh!” I exclaim and quickly run down the stairs to the kitchen. Was this just a bad dream? Out of breath, I reach the kitchen, where Sophie is standing with puffy eyes.
“Ella, I’m so very sorry,” she sniffs, a tear slips down her cheek. Her tear-stained face brings me back to cruel reality. It really happened, it wasn’t just a bad nightmare. I shake my head furiously; no, this is just a bad dream, and take a few steps back. “If you need anything, you know you can always count on me,” she says and approaches me. She wraps me in a tight hug and I burst into tears again.
“He’s really dead? I’ll never see him again?” Sophie nods with tears in her eyes.
“I’m truly sorry. I loved him, too. I can’t believe he’s really gone.” We cling to each other and I let myself grieve for Josh, tears falling freely down my cheeks. I lost my best friend and the love of my life forever.
Today is one of the sunniest and warmest fall days this month. Birds are chirping away like nothing happened and hopping from branch to branch, and yet, we have just buried a big part of my heart. It’s true. Josh took a giant piece of my heart with him to his grave. Why is life so cruel? I had everything I wanted for a while; it obviously wasn’t meant to be. One moment, just one moment of carelessness, and my life turned upside down. A truck hit Josh soon after he left a gas station. Matt had gone home already, but Josh wanted to stop at the gas station to buy me some silly gift for my successful exams, even though at that time he didn’t know I passed yet. He was so sure I was going to do great that he wanted to surprise me. For the millionth time, tears start pooling in my eyes. Josh was such an attentive boyfriend, and much more importantly, he loved me. He appreciated and adored me, even though I’m nothing special. He loved me just the way I was.
My mom comes closer and gives me a comforting hug. “How are you holding up?” she asks. I shrug, wiping a stray tear with the back of my hand. Dean and Beth are sitting on a bench near the grave, comforting each other. They are completely crushed. Josh was their only child, I can’t even imagine how it feels to lose a child. Sophie and Matt are still standing by the open grave we just put Josh’s coffin into. They are holding hands, and Sophie drops a carnation into the hole. Then they take a step back to make room for other people to say goodbye. Everybody keeps telling me how sorry he or she is for my loss, but I don’t acknowledge them. My gaze is fixed on the grave my dear boyfriend is lying in. How will I be able to pick up the pieces of my broken heart after all of this? Soon, people start leaving, but I’m still standing in the same spot. I drop to my knees to gather some dirt from the ground in my hand, and let it slip through my fingers onto the coffin. I can’t hold the tears in anymore, and I start sobbing uncontrollably.
“You lied to me,” I whisper. “You promised you’ll never leave my side. You lied!” I’m both angry and sad at the same time. “I’ll miss you so much! I can’t believe you’re gone. This morning, I woke up and wanted to kiss you, but you were gone. When will the pain lessen?” I ask, desperate. “Please, come back to me.” A gentle breeze caresses my face. I feel my father’s hand on my shoulder. He wraps me in his embrace, and takes me home. My parents wanted to stay with me for a while, but I need to be alone. I want to cry freely, and I really don’t need comforting.
When I get home, I run into our bedroom, and hug his pillow to my chest. It still smells like him. Perhaps, if I close my eyes, everything will return to normal, I whisper to myself. He’ll wrap his arms around my hips and kiss me behind my ear, which he loved to do. But nothing happens. I lost him forever. My heart is in a million tiny pieces that no one will ever be able to put back together.
Chapter Two
Two years later
Ella
“Hey, babe, what are you doing?” asks Sophie, as I’m pouring water into a big plastic bucket. She just arrived at my workplace to pick me up.
“Hi, Sophie. I just have to mop the floor and then we can go. It’s all muddy from the rain.” I’m working at Ace, a massage therapy salon, mostly intended for athletes, since we specialize in sports massage. We are famous for our elite clientele of professional athletes who frequently use our services. The owner of the salon, Meredith, started the business five years ago. Sophie has been her loyal customer since the beginning, and Meredith once mentioned that a spot has opened since they recently fired a masseuse. She recommended me to Meredith and here I am now. Before, I worked in a beauty salon called Olga. I’m not saying it was a terrible job, but here at Ace I can put my skills to better use because I specialized in sports massage. The clients are so far satisfied with my services and some of them even demand me specifically when they book their next appointment.