Never Again(52)

“I fucked up,” I tell her.

“I guess you already heard then,” she says. I nod. Sophie hands me the stack of magazines and newspapers. The first thing I see is my face on every front page. There are articles with pictures of me, taken up close, and from far away. I’m smiling in all of them, watching Jake sign autographs with a dreamy expression on my face.



Ella Vaughn Warming Jake Burns’ Bed



That’s what the headlines say. I run my hands over my face and read on.



Famous Jake Burns has won the heart of Ella Vaughn. Is this just another one of his flings, or has the most desirable bachelor of the state of Indiana finally found his match?



I continue reading. It says a lot about me, my age, where I come from, what I do and so on. Even Josh got his own paragraph. When I reach the end of the article, I feel sick. I tell Sophie what happened because she couldn’t figure out how the press found such intimate details of my life. It hurts the most that they managed to bring Josh’s tragedy back to the surface.

“I messed up, Sophie. Jake is so pissed at me.” Sophie strokes my hair as I sit on the couch with my head between my knees, resting on my hands. I made a complete fool of myself.

“Hey, look at me,” Sophie says determinedly, and removes my hands from my face. I look up at her. “Everything is going to turn out okay; don’t beat yourself about it. Jake will take care of everything.”

“I don’t know…” I shake my head. “And the worst part is I didn’t even mention Josh. I don’t know how they managed to dig up so much personal information about us so quickly. I should be mad at Kevin for tricking me, but I’m more disappointed with myself.” Sophie comfortingly wraps her arms around me, and we spend the rest of the morning together.

Jake hasn’t stopped by yet and when I call, it keeps ringing and ringing. Sophie assured me he’s most likely busy dealing with the mess, and he’ll call me as soon as he’ll be free.

It’s now nine o’clock in the evening. I’m lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I pull the covers up to my chin, and just lie there. I turn to my side to check the phone again. Nothing. Not a word from him. He must be really mad at me. My lids slowly grow heavy, and I’m almost asleep when I hear banging on the door. I sit up in bed, and then I hear Jake’s voice.

“Ella, open the door. I know you’re home.” I scramble out of bed, and go to the door. As I open it, he’s leaning on the doorframe, his gaze to the floor.

“Hey, Jake,” I say quietly, and he marches past me into my living room. He’s turned away from me, and both his hands are in his hair. “I’m so sorry,” I approach him slowly. I put my hand on his shoulder, and when he turns around, I see fear and insecurity in his eyes. He doesn’t look like his usual confident and arrogant self that I know so well. “What is wrong?” He pulls me into his arms, and kisses me possessively.

“Damn it, Ella,” he says. I have to take a deep breath to come to my senses again.

“I didn’t want it to happen, Jake. I swear I didn’t want to harm you. He tricked me. He was so friendly and nice and he knew so much about you. I didn’t even suspect he might be lying.” He places his index finger on my lips.

“Ella, babe, that’s not why I’m so mad.” I give him a questioning look. How could he not be angry with me because of this? I disappointed him, and totally let him down. “I’m mad because now there will be paparazzi following your every step, everybody will want to know your every dirty secret, and I bet there’ll be some jealous wackos trying to make your life miserable. I don’t want you to have your life turned upside down. Especially now, at the beginning of the season, when I’m leaving and you won’t have me by your side to help you deal with everything.” I stare at him, my eyes the size of saucers. This is the last thing I expected him to say. He’s worried about me? After all I’ve done he’s worried about me? Tears start pooling in my eyes, and I throw myself into his arms. I kiss him fiercely, never wanting to let him go.

“Don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself. You just focus on the races ahead of you, and don’t let anything else distract you.”

“And you’re not just one of the many; you mean a lot to me, remember that.” He points to the open magazines on my coffee table. I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. I’d like to believe him. I’m going to let time show me. Jake takes me to the bedroom, and we spend the night together.



~ * ~



“I don't want you to go,” I say, as we’re lying in his bed the last day before his departure. The whole thing with the press has finally settled down, my life is slowly getting back on its tracks.