“Ella,” I correct her. She shrugs.
“Whatever. Are you and Jake an item?”
I look at her, and see her devouring Jake with her eyes, licking her lips at the same time. I have an urge to tell her to put her dirty claws away from Jake, but I only shake my head. She grins, and then ignores me for the rest of the game. Whatever, I think to myself.
It’s almost midnight. I decide to go to the balcony to clear my thoughts. I’m hugging a mug of tea with both my hands, and leaning against the fence. I inhale deeply to breathe in the cold air and close my eyes. Even though I’m starting to freeze, it feels good. I blow on my tea and take a careful sip. The midnight sky is clear, the moon and stars are shining brightly. All the houses in the vicinity still have the lights on. They are probably also enjoying the Christmas Eve.
“Hey, mom,” I say, as I dial her number. I haven’t heard from her in a long time, and I want to hear her sweet, gentle voice that calms me.
“Hi, honey, how are you?”
“I’m good. I’m at some party with Sophie and Matt. We’re having a nice time,” I assure her.
“I’m glad to hear that. Dad says hi.” A smile appears on my face as I imagine my dad trying to listen in on our conversation. I bet he’s trying to lean into my mom and press his ear against the phone, while mom is surely playfully pushing him away. After we chat for a few minutes, and she tells me about their amazing spa vacation, I hang up, and put the phone in my pocket. The tea has become lukewarm by now, so I no longer have to be afraid of burning my tongue. I’m sipping my tea, and staring into the distance when I feel a familiar hand on the small of my back. I love the way his hand feels on me.
“What are you doing outside? It’s freezing,” he asks, as he rubs his hands together.
“I just came out for a little air,” I answer, as I avert my gaze from his face and look up into the sky. “It’s so peaceful outside.”
“Come inside. I don’t want you to get sick,” he gently grabs my wrist and pushes me back in. He closes the balcony door behind us so the cold air doesn’t seep inside.
“Hey, you have to kiss,” we hear Jenna’s chipper voice. We both wrinkle our forehead at her. Why would I have to kiss him? Okay, besides being insanely attracted to him, of course. Jenna points her finger above our heads. “Mistletoe,” Jenna grins mischievously and sips her drink from the straw. Jake and I look at each other. It seems like we’re staring at each other for an eternity.
A naughty grin splits his face. “She’s right, you know, it’s tradition.”
Oh God, oh God, oh God, I chant in my mind. I shift from one leg to another. I’m reluctant to kiss him because I’m afraid his kiss will mark me forever. He slides his fingers under my chin and lightly tilts it upward. My heart starts beating faster. He leans down, his lips are inches away. The smell of his aftershave invades my senses, makes me weak in the knees. I can feel his warm breath on my face. His eyes are still open, but they are darker and his pupils are dilated. Suddenly, I feel his lips on mine.
Soft.
Gentle.
Tempting.
I close my eyes for a second and lose myself in the kiss. But, as quickly as his lips touched mine, they’re gone in an instant, too. Right this moment, this fraction of a second, I feel something change in me. It was just a brief kiss, but it is as though his lips are still pressed against mine, like they are tattooed on my lips. We’re still standing under the mistletoe, staring at each other. What’s happening with me? I love Josh, how can I possibly have such strong feelings for Jake? I turn away from him, and return to the living room where everyone else is.
Marcia is flirting with Jake again, but his gaze is trained on me the whole time. I’m avoiding his eyes on purpose, watching everything else but him. I made a total fool of myself when I practically fled away from him after the kiss, but I couldn’t help myself. It was as if someone squeezed all the air out of my lungs, and I needed to take a deep breath. Away from him. It’s been more than two years since I kissed anyone. I feel bad because of Josh, but the feelings that bubbled to the surface because of the kiss are intense.
When it starts getting late, Sophie, Matt, Jake and I say goodbye, and thank everyone for being so welcoming. We promise to stay in touch, and then Jake takes me to his car. During the drive, we’re silent. Only the radio is playing in the background. I don’t know what to say. Should I apologize? Should I pretend nothing happened? Should I explain why I reacted this way? I nervously play with the lapel of my coat. He appears calm and collected. What’s going on in his head? Is he sorry it was the two of us who found themselves standing under the mistletoe? The rattle of keys in Jake’s hands interrupts the train of my thoughts. Shit, I didn’t even notice we’re already parked in front of my apartment building, and that Jake has turned off the car. I smile at him nervously, and get out of the car. We are still quiet. Jake walks me to my front door again, his hand on the small of my back.