“I have to confess. Last night threw me for a total loop, especially when you, I mean Jude, told me about what happened with Logan at the wedding. But—”
“But what?” I asked.
“Even though you were acting raunchy and told me about fucking everything that moved, it was strange because I still wanted to be with you. It went against everything I’ve ever believed in, but I still craved you.”
I blushed uncontrollably. “Really?”
He took my hand and kissed it. “Really.” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Now that we’ve discussed this, I don’t want you to have to go through this alone.”
“I’ll have my parents.”
“Yeah, but you’ll also have me.”
We sat there in Mason’s car for a good while and I started telling him about all the childhood memories, or lack thereof, that I had. He was mesmerized and so was I. To think that he was still talking to me after what Jude had done was all I needed to know to make a final decision. Mason was the man for me. The only man for me.
29
jonquinette
I woke up early the next morning, miraculously, rejuvenated. Mason had come upstairs with me the night before and stayed with me for several hours. We didn’t really talk, at least not with words. We cuddled on my sofa and watched One Week and Love and a Bullet on cable, starring Treach, who was phenomenal.
Mason must have let himself out because when I woke up, I was covered up with a fleece blanket and the volume on the television was turned down.
It was just after seven A.M. and I was excited, since it meant that I could make it to the eight o’clock church service on time. I was determined to get my life on the right track and getting back into the habit of going to church was a good start.
Even at that time of the morning, church was packed. I managed to squeeze past a heavyset gentleman and take a seat next to an elderly woman on the next to the last pew. The music ministry moved me to the point where I jumped up and started stomping my feet. Normally, I would’ve been too embarrassed to draw attention to myself but something was changing. It was a new dawn.
When it came time for the first Scripture reading, the woman beside me let me share her Bible because I had forgotten mine at home. After the Scripture had been read, Reverend Townsend stood up in the pulpit and told the members of the congregation to shake hands with all of the people surrounding them.
Everyone got on their feet, with the exception of those who could not, and greeted each other warmly. When I shook the elderly woman’s hand, I took a good look at her face and couldn’t help but wonder how old she was. She had a ton of wrinkles but there was something youthful about her appearance.
The rest of the church service was very moving. The minister gave a sermon that I really needed to hear. The topic was “Believe in Yourself.” He reminded us all that every day our beliefs guide our actions and it is up to us to make the impossible become possible. It validated what I had been feeling with Mason the night before. I believed that I could overcome my situation with the right support circle in place and enough faith.
After church service ended, I did something that I had never done before. I actually stayed and talked to people in the fellowship hall. It was the church’s anniversary so there were many people lingering around, preparing for a big celebration dinner later that evening, which I didn’t plan to attend.
I had just finished talking to a woman named Jasmin, who wanted me to join the YAMS, the Young Adult Missionaries, when the elderly woman came up to me and took my hand.
“What troubles you, child?” she asked me.
I laughed nervously. “What makes you think I’m troubled?”
“I’ve lived a long time,” she replied. “And when you are blessed to be here as long as I have, you start to see things. You can read faces. I have been reading yours all day.”
She had me curious. “What does my face say?”
“That you’re hurting. That you came here today looking for help, searching for answers.”
“You’re right. They say church is the place to find yourself. I’m here to find myself.”
“The Lord works in mysterious ways, child,” she said, patting me on the arm. “He never gives us more than we can handle. I’ve buried three husbands and two children and every time, I thought that I would never survive the pain. But, guess what? I did. For whatever His reasons, He called them all home before me and one day, I will see them all again.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, child.”
“I know you’re never supposed to ask a woman her age, but I’m really curious about yours. You have this glow about you, almost childlike, but yet you are so experienced and wise.”