Nervous(42)
“Yes,” she replied sweetly.
“I’ll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in,” Daddy said.
“Okay.”
She went into the house and again, I heard her running up the steps. Again, Daddy yelled out at her and then we both laughed.
Daddy rubbed his hand across his face and exhaled. “She’s a handful, I tell you.”
“You seem like you’re doing a good job. She’s an extremely happy child.”
“I never thought I’d find myself sharing custody of a child.”
“Not even me?” He ignored the question so I continued, “Daddy, I understand that whatever went down with you and Momma was ugly and unrectifiable, but why didn’t you fight to see me? I would have loved to spend time with you. I had you for fifteen years of my life and then you just vanished.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he said swiftly. “There are a lot of things you don’t know and can’t know.”
“Why can’t I know them now? I’m a grown woman.”
“It’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.” He paused and said, “Jonquinette, it’s not that I’m not excited about you showing up here, but why now? After all this time? I had completely given up hope.”
I thought about Dr. Spencer and said, “Someone suggested I come visit you.”
He seemed staggered. “Surely, it couldn’t have been your mother. I’ve been writing her for years, too. I got one letter back telling me to burn in hell and that she couldn’t wait to dance on my grave and that was it.”
“Momma was heated,” I said. “But she still shouldn’t have said something that malicious.” I took over Flower’s job and pushed us off. “I didn’t know you had written her letters. She’s never mentioned it.”
“Hmph, why would she? She hates me.”
“How do you feel about her?” I pried.
“Oh, I will always love your mother. I’ll admit that our marriage went through its ups and downs but I expected to be with her forever. Until that sorry-ass bitch showed up on Thanksgiving Day and ruined everything.”
“What about the child she was pregnant with?” I asked.
He raised his voice. “There was no child. I never slept with that woman. In fact, I’d never even laid eyes on her. I tried to find her though, afterward, but after searching every street corner in the hooker district, I gave up. Besides, the damage had already been done and your mother wasn’t trying to hear any kind of explanation. Not that I needed to justify my actions, because I hadn’t done anything.”
Something about the way he talked made him seem like an innocent man. “Daddy, do you swear it wasn’t true?”
“I swear,” he said. “I’m not a perfect man, Jonquinette, but that I did not do. I never cheated on your mother and I’ve only been with one woman since. Allison was more of a release than anything else but I’m glad I have Flower. She gives me a basis to live.” He got up off the swing. “I’m going to go tuck her in. I’ll be back.”
“Can I do it?” I asked.
He chuckled. “You sure?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”
He waved me toward the house. “Be my guest but I have to warn you, she expects to be read to before she falls asleep.”
“I can read,” I said jokingly. “Even made it through college.”
“So I heard.”
“From whom?” I asked.
“I have my little spies. At least one of your relatives felt some compassion for me. I even have your graduation pictures from high school and college and copies of the ceremony programs.”
“Who gave them to you?” I kept prodding.
“I’ll never tell. In case you disappear again, I need to know how to keep up with your life.”
I touched him on the arm. “I won’t disappear again, Daddy. I promise.”
I spotted a tear forming in his left eye but he swiped it away before it could land on his cheek.
We didn’t say anything else; I just went into the house to find Flower.
She was in her room watching a rerun of Sister, Sister on the Disney channel on a thirteen-inch television. She had on a black Barbie nightgown and a pair of pink slippers. I pulled the slippers off her feet and tucked her into bed.
“You don’t mind if I put you to bed, do you?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Nope. Can you read me a book?”
I giggled. “Ha, how did I know you would say that?”
She wasn’t a stupid child. “Because Daddy told you I would say it.”
“Okay, you got me. I looked around her room, which was the only room in the house that looked like a woman had something to do with it. There were pink sheer curtains, posters of teddy bears in ballerina outfits hanging on the walls, and a few stuffed animals strewn about. “Where do you keep your books?”