He wasn’t quick to answer, and when he finally did, his voice was quiet and cautious. “Yes, I did,” he confessed. “But I know now that it’s in a different way than I love you. I grew up with her. I think I’ll always love her in some way, but it’s more like how I love Lauren.”
I nodded, understanding, but I had to admit that it still pained me to know that a part of her would always be a part of him. I looked away in shame for feeling so greedy and resentful. I couldn’t help it. I wanted all of him.
“She has my past; but you, Julia, you have my future,” he assured me.
My feelings must’ve shown on my face. Either that or he was really intuitive and he could read my mind.
“I have never felt the love, and need, and the complete high I get when I’m with you with anybody else.” He placed a hand on my cheek and I leaned into it. “When I met you, you helped me realize that there are different forms of love. You completely redefined my idea of what it means to love someone … to be in love with someone.” He leaned his forehead against mine and exhaled a shaky breath. “To be with you, Julia, I had to let go of my guilty conscience over Daniel. I didn’t realize I was holding onto it so much and it was because of Catherine. That’s why you didn’t hear from me for a week. When she asked if I was sure that choosing you was the right thing to do, I told her as much. That’s why she let me go, why she let us go. She couldn’t argue with that. Deep down, she knew it, too.”
I was right about him. When we met at Betty’s that first night, I recognized he had a deep sense of responsibility to those who loved and cared for him. That’s who he is. He put aside any of his own feelings for others and convinced himself in the process that what they wanted is what he wanted, too.
“Julia, when I met you, it was like I could really see for the first time. The lights turned on and everything looked sharper, better, brighter. Now I know what all the great authors are talking about. Love is all-consuming—you were right. You became my air, my sun, my future. I couldn’t imagine you not in it. A lifetime of knowing someone didn’t compare to being with you for only a few weeks. It just didn’t. That’s how I know I’m in love with you. Thank God you came along when you did.”
He held my face with both hands and I felt the tears flow down my face as he brought his lips to mine. I kissed him back with all my heart and I could think of nothing more than how much I was in love with this man. Nothing in my life could compare to this moment. He had become my light amidst the darkness of these last several months. I had fallen in love for the last time and I knew I was done.
I shouldn’t.
But I’ve always wanted to.
I wondered how long it would take him to wake up. We made love twice last night. I was surprised at my own appetite for Ryan. I was a total horndog with him; in a constant state of arousal. Our pheromones were in overdrive with both of our hormones having regressed to teenage levels. The need to touch him was sometimes overpowering—like right now.
I felt his hardness even before I fully awoke. Ryan was lying on his back with a sheet barely covering the lower half of his body. I looked over at the clock, and it showed it was ten minutes to eight. He was lightly snoring and clearly in a deep state of sleep.
Oh, what the hell. I lightly lifted the sheet off of his torso and ogled his long, hard length, fully appreciating his beautiful male body. I then slowly maneuvered myself above him, straddling him, but not yet touching him. I didn’t have to use my hands to help him enter me. To my amusement, he could’ve pitched a tent quite nicely. I leaned forward and carefully lowered myself onto him.
Ah … the feeling of him filling me was exquisite. I could see that Ryan was stirring now and before he could come to full consciousness, I closed my eyes and I started rocking my hips back and forth.
“Mmm,” Ryan mumbled drowsily.
I opened my eyes to see his lazy smile and his eyes only half open. “Good morning,” I said, giving him my sex kitten grin.
He groaned and placed his hands on my hips to help rock me back and forth. He slid in and out of me so slow, so sweet. He rubbed his thumb on my sex and stroked subtly, driving me wild. I started moving faster, grabbing the headboard to help brace myself as I rocked harder against him. I soon felt the sensation deep in my core and felt myself tighten, exploding in my climax and crying out as I arched my head back. His release came almost at the same time, deep inside me, trembling like an earthquake through his body. I grabbed his chest in an attempt at stability, but collapsed into him with a moan of blissful completion.