Nerd Girl(86)

When ten o’clock rolled around, I took a deep breath and headed towards her office. I had no idea how things were going to turn out. The situation we found ourselves in was nothing that either of us could have predicted. Despite the lack of any malicious intent on my part, I still felt horribly guilty and was incredibly nervous. I was the other woman in this scenario. I was also her direct report. Knowing the partial outcome of how all of this would affect my career at MS helped, but not knowing how Catherine would react to seeing me was unnerving. How would I feel if things were turned around and I had to confront the woman who was essentially to blame for ruining my life? I would be angry, hurt, and bitter—the other woman would be the last person in the world I would ever want to see; it would be like a slap in the face.

I paused briefly outside her door to steel my nerves. I peered through her window; she sat with her back facing the door. I knocked softly and when she turned around, she stiffened, giving me a stoic expression. She looked tired and a little pale, thinner than the last time I saw her. Since her door was already opened a crack, I pushed it open further and stood in the entry of her office.

“Hi, Catherine,” I said simply.

Catherine looked uneasy and it wasn’t hard to figure out that she would rather see any other person standing in front of her; anyone other than me. I would, too, for that matter.

“Hi, Julia,” she greeted me. Surprisingly, she didn’t sound angry; she sounded resigned.

I shut the door behind me and sat down. There was an awkward silence, neither one of us wanting to speak first.

She briefly looked away, but upon returning her gaze, her eyebrows had furrowed and her lips had formed into a tight line. She finally took a deep breath and said, “Listen, I know this wasn’t your fault. Ryan told me you never knew a thing until I saw you that morning at the restaurant.”

“Catherine …” I started, but she held up her hand and shook her head no, like it was too painful to hear me say anything to help ease the situation. I didn’t really know what I was going to say anyways. I guess I just wanted to convey, what … my sympathies? God, this whole thing was just so messed up.

“Please, let me finish,” she pleaded painfully. “I know I shouldn’t hate you for this, but I do. Maybe that emotion will fade and change over time, but right now the wound is too fresh. So, I would appreciate it if you can do me a favor and try to keep your distance from me from this point on. Take the week off or work from home for all I care.”

I nodded. I knew that none of this should’ve been a surprise, but I couldn’t help feeling hurt by her curt dismissal. I tried not to let it show how much her words had stung. Instead, I asked her about how this would be communicated to my colleagues. “What about the team? What will you tell them?”

“Nothing, for now. I’m assuming Ryan told you he got Stephanie’s approval to let you look for a new job. I think that’s best. When it’s announced that you’ve found a new role, we’ll tell them it was a personal conflict. They can speculate or gossip about the rest. It’ll blow over eventually.”

“Okay.” I nodded and bit my lip.

I could tell that Catherine had nothing more to say to me. Her shoulders were slumped in resignation. I searched her eyes for … what was I looking for, exactly? I felt like I had so much I wanted to say to her, yet no coherent thought came to mind that seemed appropriate or wouldn’t sound disingenuous.

I decided to say the only thing that I knew we both felt. “Catherine, I’m really sorry, about everything. I hope one day you can forgive me … and Ryan.”

Catherine’s upper lip started to tremble and her eyes became shiny with brimming tears. “Me too,” she said sadly.





Today was Wednesday and tomorrow Ryan and I were heading to the San Juan Islands for our little weekend getaway. I knew this was considered really early in a relationship to be leaving on mini vacation together, but things with Ryan seemed to defy any preexisting rule, dating norm, or expected timeline for how fast or slow a relationship should progress.

For some reason, leaving on a three night getaway with Ryan felt natural; it didn’t feel like we were trying to push anything too quickly. Come to think of it, we had never even gone out on a real date before, but I guess that was just another abnormal thing about our relationship.

Ryan had turned my life upside down, but I was happier than I ever imagined I could be. Maybe Anna was right. She knew me better than anyone else, after all. Maybe this was what it felt like to have finally found the one. In our need to be together, we had already made life altering decisions. That meant something. This relationship was different than the others. I had fallen hard for him and was crazy in love. Three months ago, I honestly didn’t think this was possible. Back then, things had been so bleak for me. If someone had told me then that I would fall in love again so soon, I would’ve thought they were crazy.