“So, do I need to contact HR or Stephanie tomorrow?” I asked nervously.
“No. HR might contact you, though. I think you can just start looking for a new role and treat it like any other job search opportunity. Neither Catherine nor Stephanie will get in the way. Once you ask for formal permission to interview, they’ll approve the request.”
But it won’t be like any other job search. No other job search will be. Potential managers will ask questions. With all things said and done, I guess this is the best that I could hope for, though.
“Thank you, Ryan, for doing this,” I said graciously. “I’m relieved that you coordinated all of this on my behalf. I can’t even imagine a conversation with Stephanie Wheeler about such a personal and private matter. You’ve saved me the embarrassment of having to explain all of this to her.”
“Shit, Julia,” Ryan said apologetically. “I’m so sorry I’ve put you in this situation. This is entirely all my fault.” He looked genuinely distraught. “I’m trying to do as much damage control as I can, but I know I can’t fix everything,”
“It’s not like either one of us planned this to happen. You and me, I mean.” I gestured my hands in the air between the two of us. “The fact that we’re even together is all due to crazy coincidence. Despite the career consequences, I’m glad it all happened, because I’m here with you,” I said earnestly.
“I’m just sorry that this is impacting your career and not mine. I know it doesn’t seem fair to you. A part of you must be so pissed at me for it.” His lips were tight and his eyes cast downward as he admonished himself.
“No, I’m not pissed. If this is what needs to happen, and we’re together in the end, that’s all I care about.” I reached out to hold his hand over the table. “It’s all worth it because I know it led me to you.”
I stayed over at Ryan’s. We cleaned up dinner and went down to his basement. We sat on the sofa drinking wine and listening to music. He had an impressively extensive music collection; we took turns picking out music and decided we actually had quite similar tastes. He introduced me to a few bands that I didn’t know or maybe only just heard of in passing, but that he thought I might like. We enjoyed telling each other stories about the memories that certain songs evoked. There was no further discussion about Catherine, or work, or any other consequences we would have to face in the morning. We enjoyed the simple pleasure of just being in each other’s company.
We made out occasionally on his sofa. I felt like a teenager at times, giggling and falling in love while listening to old REM and Van Morrison. Eventually, the combination of wine and lack of sleep from the previous evening caught up with the both of us and we found ourselves dozing off. Sometime after midnight, Ryan woke me up. I had fallen asleep with my head on his lap. He took my hand and led me to his bedroom, where he undressed me slowly and dressed me in one of his T-shirts. He stripped down to his boxers and we climbed into his bed. I snuggled into the crook of his arm and we both immediately fell asleep.
I was embarrassed that Stephanie Wheeler had learned about Ryan and me. The women at MS had high expectations of each other. It was hard enough working in a male dominated industry and proving your value and intelligence. I felt like I had somehow disappointed Stephanie for getting involved in an interoffice romance. Work is work, not a soap opera. It was less than a month ago that I had first been introduced to her by Catherine. If she didn’t remember me from the one time we met, she certainly knew who I was now. She knew the details of my love life. I wasn’t embarrassed about falling in love with Ryan, but I was uncomfortable with the fact that my executive leadership had to be pulled into the discussion. I’m sure she highly disapproved, regardless of the circumstances. Someone like Stephanie would never get involved in an office romance and risk everything she had ever worked for.
As I drove into the parking garage of my building, I was faced with the option of hiding my face until I found a new role or choosing to disregard any judgment from Catherine or Stephanie. The only thing I was guilty of was falling in love. I chose the latter; I was going to hold my head up high and leave this job with dignity.
I had my 1:1 with Catherine today. I wasn’t sure though if she would be in the office. According to her original schedule, she had planned to be out of town until the end of last week and back in the office this morning. I had expected her to cancel our meeting, but when I checked my Outlook calendar, it remained on the schedule.