“Only a few minutes. It’s nice watching you sleep.”
I nuzzled my face into his chest to hide my embarrassment. He chuckled and adjusted his position so I could lie comfortably in the crook of his arm. My cheek rested on his chest while my hand played with the little hair between his pectoral muscles, which was the same thin line of hair that lead down to his happy trail. I could tell this was going to be one of my favorite spots to touch and play with on his body.
“Last night was really unexpected,” I said softly. I was feeling unusually shy in the morning light, despite the very un-shy things we had done to one another over the last six or seven hours. “I didn’t expect to see you last night.”
“I thought I’d take my chances, come to the wedding, and hoped to God you wouldn’t kick me out on my ass. I wasn’t entirely sure how well received I would be,” he replied as his fingers ran through my hair. “You didn’t answer any of my texts. I got nervous.”
“I didn’t see them until just before I saw you standing in the lobby,” I said with a little bit of feigned defensiveness.
“It was torture waiting for you to respond. I wasn’t sure if you were purposely ignoring me or if you just weren’t checking your phone.”
“Serves you right,” I huffed and then kissed his chest as a peace offering. “So, you missed me, huh?”
“Yes. I missed you like crazy, Julia.” He was gazing at me now with a serious expression. I could tell he wanted to say something more, but was thinking through it first. “I want to talk about what happened this week. I really need for you to understand.”
“Okay,” I said and gave him with an encouraging nod. This was what he wanted to tell me last night. I remained in the crook of his arm while he stroked mine lightly with his fingers.
“When we started seeing each other, I inadvertently turned the other cheek. I didn’t want to think about what I was doing. I think it was easier to do this because Catherine was … away.” He sounded remorseful and paused, carefully choosing his next words. “After being with someone for so long, sometimes it’s hard to figure out if you’re with them because you truly love them or if it’s just comfortable. When I started getting involved with you, I wasn’t sure if I was experiencing cold feet and wanting to just have a fling …”
I cringed at the casualness of his words, but let him continue.
“Or …” he trailed off, “or if there was some deeper reason why I couldn’t seem to stay away from you. It was really confusing for me. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but if I told you about Catherine and me, I was afraid you would run. I remember everything you said about how you feel about people that cheat.”
He shifted our bodies so that we were leaning on our sides facing one another. His eyes were cast downward in regret. When he looked back at me, his face was pained. “I’m not proud of what I did. It was very unlike me to do something like that. I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve ever been with. I need you to believe that. I don’t know what I was thinking up to that point really. I was in total denial of the consequences. But when I saw you last Sunday, reality slapped me in the face … literally.” He gave me a small grin and I remembered my act of violence out on the street.
I shuddered at the awful memory of that morning.
“Not that I didn’t deserve it,” he protested, “but when you walked away from me and looked at me with such … disgust … it destroyed me. It physically hurt inside my chest. I haven’t felt that bad since … well, since my dad died.”
I sucked in my breath. I wasn’t expecting to hear that. His voice cracked and I could see his pain. “It hurt to lose him.” He then met my sympathetic eyes, but didn’t elaborate further on the story. “I knew at that moment, when you walked away from me, that I didn’t have cold feet and it wasn’t a fling. I knew that I was falling in love with you, because the idea of losing you hurt just as bad.”
My heart contracted at his words. He said he was falling in love with me. I was blown away by the raw honesty of his words.
Unaware of how his words had just impacted me, he continued to tell his story. “Catherine and I had a long talk that day that we saw you. She was obviously very upset and hurt, but she was surprisingly calm about it. I told her I couldn’t marry her; she asked me to think about it before I made any final decisions. She wanted me to make sure that this was what I really wanted. I waited the week before contacting you because I needed to make sure that I was doing the right thing. I didn’t think I was going to change my mind, but I owed it to her to understand my own reasons for what I had done, and to think about what I was giving up to be with you.