I knew I should feel angry that he went dark on me all week. I should be more furious that he had been so dishonest with me and that he’d put me in a difficult professional situation. I knew I should be angry about a lot of things with him, but I wasn’t. Instead, I shamelessly felt relief mixed with hope that we might actually be together.
I put my phone back into my clutch and turned the ringer back on. I immediately heard it chime again, notifying me that I had a new text.
Ryan: Good - I’m here
I felt my pulse begin to race and my adrenaline was kicking in. Could I get involved with him again? If I do this, what sort of risks was I opening myself up to? A part of me wasn’t ready to face him yet and I just wanted to hide in this bathroom all night. The logical side of me said that I shouldn’t open my heart to him again so quickly, that I needed to protect myself, but I didn’t think my delicate ego would be able to handle another disappointment.
My heart told me to rush out and find him. He had done this incredibly romantic thing by coming here and surprising me; it took balls for him to risk humiliation and my wrath by coming. He didn’t know how I felt, or how this was all going to turn out. We both knew the ball was in my court.
I took a deep breath and finally exited the ladies’ room. As I headed back to the ballroom, I spotted Ryan pacing back and forth in the foyer only twenty feet or so away. He said he was here, for God’s sake, but I was still completely surprised to see him in the flesh. I momentarily froze, not sure what to do next.
He looked dashingly beautiful in his black suit and gray silk tie. I had no idea how much I had missed him until now. At that moment, he looked up and caught me watching him. He looked hesitant. His hands were tucked into the front pockets of his pants, which pushed his jacket off to the side behind his lower arms. He gave me a tentative, shaky smile. He looked so vulnerable.
After I recovered from my shock, joy at seeing him overwhelmed me. I let out a little gasp and started walking over to him. My first few steps were a normal pace, but then I picked up speed and started running to him before pouncing on him and jumping into his arms. He returned my hug with equal fervor and lifted me off the ground. I nuzzled my face into his neck and breathed in his familiar scent of fresh soap and aftershave. I couldn’t help it, but I started to cry.
After setting me down, he cradled my face with his broad hands. Looking intensely into my eyes, he kissed me. It was an epic, passionate, all-encompassing kiss. We kissed shamelessly, fiercely, our tongues hungry and urgent, hands roaming and re-discovering each other. It was the kind of kiss that every girl should have at least once in her lifetime. Surprising me by coming here was the most romantic thing that anyone had ever done for me.
When we finally released each other, we were both breathless and flushed. He gazed at me dazedly, his uncertainty mixed with affection, and brushed his thumb softly across my cheek to wipe away my tears.
“Is this okay with you? That I’m here?” he finally asked and I nodded. “You’re not mad at me then?”
I shook my head and spoke without thinking. “I don’t know.” He looked crestfallen until I added in a rush, “You know, I don’t care. I just want to be with you and I’m so happy you’re here.”
He gave me a shaky smile, but his blue eyes were intense. “God, Julia, I missed you so much. I am so sorry. It tore me apart thinking about how much you might’ve hated me after what I had done. I want to explain why I didn’t reach out to you this week. I know you probably thought—”
I interrupted him mid-sentence, kissing his lips to shush him. “I don’t need to know it all this minute. Your presence is enough for now. We’ll have plenty of time to talk later when we’re alone, or tomorrow.”
Kelli announced it was time to line up for dinner, but neither of us moved. We gazed into each other’s eyes, smiling contemplatively. Ryan chuckled with relief, bowing his head and shaking it. I sighed. We were both realizing that we’d each made the choice to be together. His presence here said that he had chosen me and I know he’d made some difficult decisions to be with me. I didn’t care anymore about holding him up to any moral judgment about what he did. I could continue to be angry with his deception and I had every right to be, but what was the point? I wanted to be with him more than I wanted to be right or wrong.
So I grabbed Ryan’s hand and smiled up at him, accepting what he was offering me; accepting his heart. “Are you sure you want to go in there with me?” I challenged.
“Absolutely,” he said firmly and pulled me forward.