“The wedding was beautiful. I’m so happy for you!” I gushed and hugged her again.
“It was, wasn’t it?” She looked at me excitedly, her cheeks flushed and her smile bursting. “I still can’t believe I’m Mrs. Kinnear!”
I wanted to tell her how much I loved Ethan’s personalized vows. He got a little choked up while he recited them; I always found it more touching to hear the groom read his vows, so much more so than the bride. It was all about expectations. You always expected the bride to get emotional and sappy with her vows, but you rarely saw a man so sentimental, so when he did, the words were that much more touching and heartfelt. My observations would have to wait until later, though, because before we knew it, Ethan approached us, as did several members of his extended family, all waiting to congratulate the happy couple. I stepped back and let Anna continue greeting her wedding guests. I knew we would have plenty of time to talk later tonight when the older folks retired or tomorrow at the post-wedding brunch at my parents’ house.
I smiled to myself as I thought about our slumber party last night. We figured she shouldn’t sleep with Ethan the night before their wedding. Anna wanted to stick to tradition and not allow him to see her today until she walked down the aisle.
At our pre-wedding night sleepover, I had finally given Anna all the gory details about Ryan. I knew she was hurt that I had waited so long to tell her. Despite my insistence that she should get her beauty rest, we talked late into the evening. Anna was much too excited and anxious to sleep, and she reminded me that this was the last night that the two of us would share the same last name. After having shared most everything else in our lives, I was a little nervous to be the only Hayes girl left.
Even though it was the night before Anna’s wedding, it was also a night where I was trying to mend a broken heart. I loved Anna so much and despite the bittersweet nature of our conversation, we provided each other the comfort and support we knew only the other could give.
Ethan and Anna welcomed and thanked their guests and then the party went into full swing. The jazz band started playing. Waiters were serving hors d’oeuvres. It was a festive atmosphere and everyone was enjoying the open bar.
Before putting on my happy, social, sister-of-the-bride persona, I looked for the family table to drop off my bridesmaid bouquet. I found my name elegantly written in calligraphy on a cream-colored name card in front of a contemporary hotel china place setting. I then noticed, to the right of mine, the place setting for Ryan. I bowed my head and a little laugh escaped me, because I should’ve expected this of Anna. She was wishfully hoping he would modify his plans and still decide to come. My sister the optimist.
I took the name card and put it away in my purse. If I left it out there, it was a reminder of what I couldn’t have and it hurt me more deeply than I wanted to admit to myself. I felt my throat constrict as I swallowed and there was a physical tightening in my chest as the realization of my loss came over me. I did all I could to hold back my tears and headed to the ladies’ room to get some privacy.
The restroom was empty. I sat down on the plush, pink Victorian chair facing the vanity and hung my head. Maybe I would just sit here and wait it out until someone came in. A few moments of solitude were welcoming. After refreshing my makeup, I checked my phone for any messages. I had set the ringer to vibrate as I didn’t want it going off during the wedding, but I hadn’t looked at it since before the ceremony. I froze when I saw a text from Ryan. And then another. I scrolled down the screen—there was a whole series of text messages from him.
It was a confessional.
My hands trembled as I began to read. His first text was sent at 5:35.
Ryan: Hi Julia
Ryan: u r probably at the wedding
Ryan: or maybe u r ignoring me
Ryan: I’m sorry
Ryan: I needed to make sure I was doing the right thing
Ryan: I broke up with Catherine
Ryan: I never meant to hurt u - I just didn’t want to lose u
My heart was pounding. I scrolled further down. There was a ten minute break before his next text.
Ryan: I think about u all the time
Holy shit. He was having an inner monologue with himself. I wondered if he had been drinking.
Ryan: Do I still have an open invitation to the wedding?
Ryan: Maybe u r reading this and just ignoring me - I deserve it
Ryan: All right, you’re either ignoring me, or you’ll see these and think I’ve lost my mind. Either way, we need to talk. Tomorrow morning?
His last text was a little over an hour ago, shortly after six. With trembling fingers, I typed in “Yes, the invitation is still open,” though it was probably too late. It was an olive branch and maybe if I didn’t see him tonight, we could still talk tomorrow. The possibility instantly made me feel more hopeful.