Barely having started on my second beer, I told Kyle I had to leave and thanked him for inviting me. I didn’t expect him to, but he offered to walk out with me, and as we headed towards the exit, he put his arm around my shoulder. It felt more like a gesture in the spirit of happy hour camaraderie, rather than anything romantic (I really hoped it was the former), but I faked looking happy. From appearances, Ryan couldn’t tell the difference. I took one last look at him before I flounced out. Ryan gave me a cold, expressionless stare. I gave him a small smug smile and turned to leave.
When we stepped outside, Kyle removed his arm. With some relief, I headed towards the Lincoln Square garage elevators. Kyle followed me.
“What do you say about going to Bumbershoot with me on Saturday night?” he asked while we waited for the elevator.
I actually would’ve loved to go see some bands with him, but I didn’t want Kyle to get the wrong idea. After my behavior these last thirty minutes, I was ashamed and was feeling pretty guilty. Kyle was such a great person and I totally used him, treating him like a pawn in my personal chess game. I decided to tell him the painful truth, or at least part of it.
“Kyle, I have a confession to make,” I said with a guilty grimace on my face.
“Oh no, is my ass crack showing?” he asked with a serious expression.
I shoved him with my shoulder. “No!” I said emphatically, but couldn’t help laughing. “I would really like to go with you, but first I wanted to apologize for my behavior at the restaurant just now.” I cringed at my own admission.
Kyle fell silent with a confused expression on his face, but he waited for me to continue. “There was someone attending your team happy hour that I’ve sort of been dating. I’m not in a position right now to reveal who he is. We both agreed to keep it confidential and I intend to continue to honor that agreement. Anyways, things haven’t been going so smoothly. It wasn’t pre-meditated at all, but the opportunity came up to make him jealous, so I did. I’m sorry.” I shamefully looked down at my feet.
“Ah, got it.” Kyle nodded in realization. Then he said with some hopefulness, “So, did it work? Was he jealous?”
“Yeah, I think so. But for some reason, I don’t feel good about it,” I said sadly. “It was dishonest and manipulative of me, and it was unfair to you.”
Kyle was quiet and looked at me contemplatively for a moment. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but thanks for being honest with me. I’d still love it if you wanted to hang out next weekend and go to a show with me. What do you say?”
I hesitated, not wanting to lead him on again.
“As friends,” he said, reading my mind and smiling down at me in reassurance.
“Okay, I’d love to.” I nodded and smiled back, grateful he wasn’t upset. He really was such a great guy. I needed to go through an inventory of my single girlfriends and see if I could find someone to set him up with.
Unexpectedly, Kyle hugged me and then looked down at me with a caring smile. “Whoever this guy is, Julia, if he can’t figure it out soon, he’s an idiot and you should move on. You’re smart, funny, intelligent, and not to mention, you’re hot.” He looked at me sheepishly and I felt color creeping up my neck. “If he doesn’t realize this, then it’s totally his loss and you need to see it this way, too. I mean it!” he said emphatically. “Don’t let this get you down, because I can see it has.”
“Thanks, Kyle.” I gave him a sad smile. Maybe he was right and I should move on. Last time it took finding a new job to do so. Maybe I just needed to do that again. Come to think of it, this time I might not have much of a choice.
At least my sister was happy—the wedding went off without a hitch. Anna looked beautiful and it was a lovely ceremony. I always thought that some weddings were more emotionally moving than others. I’d been to too many weddings to count but I’d only been to a few whereby the couple’s love was palpable in the air and every guest could feel the emotion and beauty of their special relationship. Sometimes, these were the simplest affairs, but it was always the most sentimental weddings that I remembered most.
Anna and Ethan’s wedding fortunately was one of those. It was a touching and heartfelt ceremony. It might’ve only been because I was her sister and maid of honor, but I cried with them as they declared their vows. I think everyone did; I was hard-pressed to find a dry eye in the garden.
As much as I was happy for my sister, there was nothing worse than going to a wedding when your own love life was in turmoil. A wedding, by nature, is a happy occasion. Love was celebrated, people were drunk and/or sappy with memories, and most adults came with a date. Being one of the very few, if only, unattached women between twenty and forty, I was reminded just how far I was from ever experiencing a wedding day of my own. The only silver lining I could find was witnessing the public proclamation of Anna and Ethan’s love for one another. As corny as it sounded, it gave me hope that love like theirs was real and possible for me. As much as my heart had been repeatedly broken in the past, I still held on to the belief that there was such a thing as finding that special someone. I really needed to believe that right now. It was the only thing keeping me from going insane and jumping into Elliott Bay.