Ryan finally looked up at me and replied curtly, “You’re welcome.” He smiled briefly but it never touched his eyes. “I’m sorry for hitting you with my car.”
I was too stunned and hurt by Ryan’s betrayal to say anything. I stood there stiffly, not knowing what else to say or do. My mind was reeling and my heart was starting to splinter.
Catherine noticed the awkward silence following Ryan’s comment. By social norms, Ryan should have said something more to me by now, especially given the mention of the car accident and laptop. Catherine shifted her head back and forth from Ryan and me, looking uncomfortable herself. “Well … um, this is sort of awkward, Julia.” She looked over at Ryan and with a look of embarrassment, she continued, “Ryan and I have a … relationship outside of work.” I thought I saw Ryan slightly cringe at her words. “A few people know this, but not many. I would appreciate it if you could keep this between us? I’m sorry to have to ask you that.”
Shit. She had misinterpreted the silence. She had thought I felt uncomfortable because I had recognized that she was having breakfast with our US CVP. Good fucking grief.
“Oh,” I said with my eyes wide. “Of course, you can trust me to not say anything. Don’t worry about it,” I said in a rush. I looked over at Ryan again. His face was impassive. He looked away again. If that vein could throb any harder, it was going to pop right out of his head soon. “I understand completely,” I said stiffly, looking directly at him, willing him to meet my eyes. At least have the guts to look at me and man up to what you’ve done.
“Oh good, thanks, Julia,” Catherine said nervously.
I needed to make my escape before she could say anything else. I felt my breath getting shallow and I could feel the tears prickling behind my eyes. If I didn’t leave now, I would start crying, and that would be difficult to explain to my boss. Yes, I’m balling my eyes out because your boyfriend has been two-timing you and I’m a stupid, clueless idiot who just got her heart splattered all over the floor. Again.
I looked around the café and then blatantly tapped my watch. “You know, I think I was supposed to meet my sister at a different café down the street. I think I just came here out of habit. I’m sorry, but I’ve got to run. I’m already ten minutes late,” I rambled.
“Okay, we won’t keep you then. I’ll see you in the office tomorrow and we can catch up.” Catherine’s voice was heavy with relief. She wanted me out of there, too, but her reasons were different. She didn’t want anyone to know about her and Ryan’s relationship. Her and Ryan’s relationship. The thought made me shudder.
I rushed towards my car; I could text Anna from there. I was five feet out the door when my tears freely escaped. How could I have been so stupid? I knew it was too easy … too good to be true … too effortless. I knew there was something else going on. I knew it! But I chose not to listen to my own intuition. About a block down the street, I heard Ryan.
“Julia! Wait, please!”
I froze momentarily on the sidewalk, trying to wipe the tears away from my eyes. I continued towards my car, walking more briskly. I thought about running, but I didn’t want to make a scene.
“Julia!”
I felt him grab my shoulder, so I turned around.
He was breathless from running to catch up with me. “Please let me explain. Please,” he begged fervently, his expression stern.
I looked up at him, ambivalent, my eyes straining with tears.
“I’m sorry. I froze in there,” he said desperately, like it was an excuse. “I was completely taken by surprise.”
“By surprise?” I repeated incredulously. I felt a wave of anger. “Fuck you!” I spit out bitterly and then slapped him. In broad daylight. So much for not wanting to make a scene. I was surprised by the strength of my own emotions.
Ryan scowled in pain, but was unwavering. His mouth was tight. Calmly but firmly, he spoke through gritted teeth, “We need to talk, Julia. We can’t do it here. I know I have a lot of explaining to do.”
I glared at him and started to tremble. I was such an idiot! How could I have let this happen? I broke my first cardinal law. Never cheat with anyone. Never be cheated on by someone again.
“Were you ever truly on a … ‘on a break,’ like you told me?” I demanded.
He paused and looked down at his shoes. That said enough.
I gasped. “You are a piece of work,” I mumbled under my breath and shook my head in distress.
As I unlocked my car door with my key remote, he moved to stand in front of me, trying to block my entry.