Why did I find it so sexy listening to him about this sort of stuff? Then again, he could be speaking binary—talking about zeros and ones that were the fundamental building blocks of writing code—I would still probably have found him sexy. We sat there for another hour just talking, relaxing, and drinking our beers. It was still light out. I loved that about summer nights in Seattle.
He looked at his watch and sighed. “Why does time always go so quickly when I’m with you?”
I smiled at him and shrugged my shoulders. I was wondering the same thing.
“I really like being with you, Julia,” he said more seriously.
I felt my pulse start to race. “I like being with you, Ryan.”
“It’s effortless,” he said quietly, but with a perplexed expression, like he was trying to figure out a great mystery.
“Yeah … I know.” I nodded in agreement, but whispered it like it was a revelation. Things were happening to Ryan and me. The hairs on the back of my neck started to rise. “Ryan, can I ask you a question?”
“Of course, anything.”
“How long have you been on a break?” I needed to know, because despite his confession, I still felt like he was holding something back.
He paused, taken off guard by my question. He didn’t look at me. “Only a couple of weeks,” he said guiltily, looking down at his plate. “Basically, since I had dinner with you.” He then looked at me with a cautious eye.
“Oh.” I wondered if I was the reason they were on a break.
“Why do you ask?”
“Sometimes, you seem … hesitant with me, like you’re holding something of yourself back. Other times you throw caution to the wind and it’s like you don’t care who sees.”
He paused for a long moment. “You’re very observant, Julia Hayes.”
“I’m very cautious, Ryan McGraw.” I looked across the street towards the volleyball game in progress. I couldn’t look at him for what I was about to say next. “My wounds are still very raw and fresh,” I told him, feeling vulnerable and exposed. I finally had enough courage to look him in the eyes. “Please be gentle with my heart.”
He studied me for a long time, his brows furrowed. He placed one of his hands over mine. “I will never intentionally hurt you, Julia. I need you to trust me, okay?”
“Okay,” I said.
We both looked at each other for several more seconds, our gazes locked in silent contemplation. Neither of us shied away from the direct eye contact, and it was at that very moment that I felt it happen. The chambers of my heart fluttered wide open and gave in to the weight and pressure that had been trying to keep it shut. My past heartbreak was still a dull ache, but I knew I needed to muffle it if I was to let myself fully explore what Ryan and I might become. I needed to trust him. I needed to trust in my own heart and its ability to heal and move forward with someone new.
I thought he felt it too, because there was a shift in the air between us. It was like there was this invisible magnetic rope; it had always been there, but we had both kept it rigid for fear that giving it too much slack might cause one of us to lose our balance. I still sensed that Ryan was dealing with some internal struggle, but he’d asked me to trust him. So I would. And once I did, I sensed the pull relax itself on both sides. Whatever he was struggling with, I could tell he was giving in and he would share with me when he was ready. The fact that he was here with me at this very moment and thinking the same thoughts as me was all I needed to know. Whatever fears I might have, I knew I was past the point of no return. I was falling in love with Ryan McGraw.
Every MS building and floor had a kitchen and in each kitchen were two robust, three foot tall, automated, heavy duty Starbucks coffee machines. The coffee was actually quite good and it had been my daily habit to visit one of these machines every morning. As I waited for my freshly ground and brewed coffee to come pouring out of the machine, I thought back on the previous evening.
After dinner, Ryan and I walked leisurely, hand in hand, back to our cars. When I reached for my keys, he tilted my chin up and surprised me with a deep kiss. He cradled my face with both hands and we shamelessly made out as I leaned against my door. We kissed and giggled like teenagers. When we finally broke apart, he turned to leave and made it only a few feet before he came back for one more mini make out session. It was amazing.
“Hey, Julia, what are you all smiles about this morning?” I looked up to find Amy grinning and looking at me suspiciously. “Care to share?”
“Oh, it’s nothing.” I blushed. I shook my head and waved my hand away nonchalantly to let Amy know that it wasn’t anything worth discussing. I certainly wouldn’t be sharing any information about my recent extracurricular activities with her.