“So, why aren’t you in a relationship?”
I guess he wasn’t going to let it drop. Stalling for a little time to get my thoughts together, I took a bite of the caprese salad. The summer heirloom tomatoes were delicious and juicy; a little drop of juice fell onto my chin. Before I could wipe it away, Ryan was already dabbing my chin clean with his napkin.
“Thank you,” I mumbled.
“You’re welcome.”
I knew he was waiting for me to answer his question. I giggled nervously and rolled my eyes. “You really want to hear about me and my ex-boyfriend?”
“Yes, I do,” he said earnestly. “I want to learn more about you. I find everything about you extremely intriguing.” He took a bite of the salad, waiting patiently and showing off his white teeth and dimples. I was becoming powerless to resist his charms.
I gulped. “There you go again with your honest, disarming proclamations.” I smiled. “Fine,” I gave in and let out a big sigh. “My last boyfriend broke up with me about four months ago. We had been together for a little over three years.” I then continued to summarize the gist of my relationship with Andrew and the reasons for our breakup.
“Ouch. After three years, you guys broke up over the phone?” he asked incredulously.
“Yup.” I contemplated in my head why I thought that was acceptable behavior at the time. “I couldn’t bear the idea of a long, drawn out discussion and tears, which is where it would’ve inevitably led. Unlike my sister, I’m not a drama queen. It was over. It had really been over for a while, I think. There was no point in discussing it further.”
“You’re just so matter of fact about it, so sure it was over,” he said with a perplexed and questioning look in his eyes. “Is this the way you were with all of your past boyfriends?”
“No. Well, maybe. I don’t know, I guess I never thought about it.” I shrugged. Come to think of it, maybe I had handled all of my relationships this way. I found his observation interesting, because there was some truth to it, but I had never explored or analyzed it before. That was something for me to ponder on for another day, though. “Well, at least with Andrew and me, it wasn’t complicated. He didn’t want to be with me. He had found someone else. Nothing I could say was going to change that. Why draw it out longer than it needed to be? The faster I could work on getting over him, the better off I would be.”
“Are you always this black and white about relationships? Was it really that easy for you?”
“Well, it wasn’t easy for me,” I whispered, remembering some of the more painful and dark moments.
“Don’t think I’m second guessing your decision,” he said. “It just sounded very sudden.”
“I just … I guess I don’t like being in any sort of gray areas. I think that’s why I’m a PM. I do whatever I can to manage and mitigate risk. Besides, by the time he brought it up that day on the phone, he had made his decision. Why delay the inevitable by waiting to break up when we saw each other in person? Why talk it out more? It just delays the heartache,” I said dryly. “And I didn’t even tell you the grand finale,” I continued, pausing for effect. “A month ago, I learned that he was engaged. They’d been dating for six months.”
“But you had only broken up a few months ago,” he said slowly and then it dawned on him. “He had been seeing her for several months while you guys were still together?”
I nodded. “So in this case, I guess I did the right thing by ending it quickly.”
He blew his breath out in a big sigh. “And you had no idea.” Ryan looked sad for me.
“None. I felt completely betrayed.” I took a deep breath and continued. “I mean, I knew our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I never thought he would cheat on me. I honestly don’t know how people do that; cheat on people they supposedly love. I think it’s really just cowardice—break up with the person already and then start a new relationship! Don’t sneak around and betray their much-earned confidence. When you’re with someone for a long time, there’s always someone you know personally that has been involved in some torrid affair. Andrew and I would sit together at dinner parties, or just with each other, and talk about how neither of us would ever do that to the other. It was too foreign of an idea to fathom. We used to proclaim to each other and to our friends that that would never happen to ‘us.’” I used my fingers to quote the word us. “But then things happen and before you know it, you realize you’re not above the fray. Next thing you know, you’re that couple people talk about at dinner parties. It’s the worst thing anyone could ever do to me in the future.” I looked pointedly at him and said with finality, “That’s a deal breaker for me.”