There was no doubt he saw me. We made eye contact and had a private little … moment. I couldn’t read the expression on his face. It was impassive. As I sat down, the heads in between us removed me from his direct line of sight, but I could tell that he was now facing forward. His shoulders looked rigid.
My heart was pounding and I released a deep breath. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding it. I wondered if he would come up and talk to me after the meeting. From a purely professional perspective, there was no reason for him to seek me out without raising unnecessary attention or speculation. I told my co-workers yesterday that I’d never met him before. As far as I knew, that was what I believed was the truth. And I certainly wasn’t going to approach him in this setting.
Maybe that was all for the best. From this point forward, we could just ignore one another and pretend that we never met. But that idea made me feel like the poor kid whose ice cream just fell off her cone.
Thank God, the meeting was finally ending. Everyone stood and walked as part of a mass exodus to the elevators. With hundreds of people heading in the same direction, it would be a long time before I even made it to an elevator. I couldn’t bear waiting around and potentially running into Ryan. Would he seek me out or pretend that I didn’t exist? I didn’t want to find out. In a panic, I made a beeline for the stairs.
Before I could make my escape, Vivek and Amy blocked my way to the stairwell. Mia was directly behind me.
“Are you guys going to the bowling alley?” Vivek asked.
I tried to come up with an excuse to get out of there as fast as possible. “Um … I don’t think so. It’s been a long week and I don’t think I want to get caught up in Friday traffic.”
“That’s more the reason to stay. Hang out with us until the traffic dies down,” pleaded Mia. “Besides, free drinks.” She smiled mischievously. I swear, her doppelganger should’ve been Tinker Bell.
She was right, though. Traffic really sucks on a Friday afternoon. I had no plans tonight and bowling with colleagues was better than staying home, alone, obsessing over the afternoon’s events. “All right, fine,” I grumbled. I needed a drink … badly. I crossed my fingers that Ryan would skip out on the morale event. After all, it wasn’t his org, right?
I saw him about twenty feet away, talking to one of the managers who presented earlier. Right at that moment, he glanced over at me. We both quickly looked away.
“C’mon, let’s take the stairs,” said Vivek. “Nobody’s getting on an elevator anytime soon.”
We all followed. I took one last look over my shoulder. Ryan was looking at me again. This time I didn’t immediately look away, but held his gaze. He gave me a little smile and I returned a small one back.
Forty minutes and a beer later, I finally started to relax. As the minutes ticked by, I became more convinced that Ryan was a no show. I was a mental and emotional contradiction right now. I was relieved that he wasn’t here, yet at the same time I was disappointed that I wouldn’t see him again. Now that I knew who he was, I was in a state of nervous anxiety. I was also elated that because of who he was, I would see him again, even if it was only in passing in the halls. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, but if I were to see him right now, I wouldn’t have a clue what to say to him. I yearned to be near him again, but at the same time, a part of me just wanted to run in the opposite direction.
“Julia! It’s your turn again!” Amy yelled over the noise of a dozen different bowling balls rolling down their lanes and hitting pins.
The neon lights outlining each alley made me feel like I was in a nightclub. I looked up, temporarily distracted by my inner thoughts. I needed to think about other things. I could obsess more about him later in private. After taking another sip of my beer, I grabbed a heavy bowling ball in my right hand, motioned my hand backwards, then brought it forward and released the ball. It sputtered and then rolled into the gutter. I took my second turn, knocking down only two pins.
“Argh! It’s just not my day!” I exclaimed. I knew my frustration wasn’t at my lack of bowling skills. I finished the game with a pathetic 64 and decided to call it a day.
Mia stopped me as I got up to return my bowling shoes. “Julia, a few of my friends and I are heading to Ray’s Boathouse for dinner and drinks. Want to join us? I remember you said you lived in Queen Anne, which isn’t too far from Ray’s.”
“Um, sure,” I said tentatively. It was better than heading home to be alone with my thoughts. “Who else is coming?”