Nerd Girl(27)

He was just as attractive as I remembered him. My memory of him didn’t do him justice. He wore a navy blue sports coat over jeans and a light blue button down; very MS executive attire. He sounded confident and relaxed. He was obviously comfortable up there and acted as if he was having an everyday conversation with someone. He didn’t seem to notice that there were hundreds of people in the audience. If that were me, I would be stuttering from nerves and I’d probably pass out mid presentation for not taking enough breaths.

How could a CVP be this good looking? How could this man be the same man that had his arm around me when he walked me to my car a couple of weeks ago?

I had never considered dating an executive here. I never found any attractive enough. Besides, even if I did, they were in a different social league. The idea of dating Ryan wasn’t too unreasonable, was it? Oh, what the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t go there; not now, knowing who he is.

I followed him with my eyes as he walked comfortably around the front of the room. I watched him move his hands as a way of emphasizing his key points. He was a good speaker. He pulled in the audience; everyone was captured by his charisma and charm. I stared at his chiseled jaw, watching the way his mouth moved when he spoke. I remembered that glorious grin, the dimples that were my undoing, and the way he smiled at me over the candlelight at our dinner. His hair was a little disheveled on top. It was sexy and I found myself imagining my fingers running through it, just like I did last time I saw him. I bit my lower lip, watching his mouth move and wondering how his lips would feel on my neck, my body, my … My God, Julia! Stop it! I flushed, embarrassed I even let my thoughts go there. I sneaked a quick peek at Mia and thank God she was still focused on Ryan and hadn’t noticed my discomfort.

I wondered if he had any idea of the impact he had on the females in this room. I wondered if he had any idea what that fateful evening had done to me. Had he even thought about me since then? Now that I knew who he was, did it even matter? Would I ever have the nerve to speak to him again, knowing who he was? It would be inappropriate for me to date him now, assuming he was even interested.

I wondered if dating him would be considered an HR violation. Maybe I needed to have a hypothetical conversation with my good friend, Bridget, in HR. As all these thoughts ran through my brain, I rubbed my forehead nervously. I was completely beside myself.

His presentation was ending. He thanked the audience and walked back to his seat surrounded by light applause. I followed him with my eyes to our side of the room. He sat in the front, only four rows in front of me. I hadn’t noticed him sitting there earlier. Even the back of his head looked sexy. I glared daggers at the back of it.

Julia, get a grip! One minute I was ogling him and thinking dirty thoughts and the next minute, I was angry and upset with him. Why was I feeling such conflicting emotions? None of it was making any sense. I was a seriously freaked out head case right now.

Next on the agenda was a young, hipster guy who gave a demo of all the Portals 8 features. The lights dimmed and rock music started blaring through the speakers. I blankly stared at the projector, watching the touch screen do cool things to crop photos, surf the net, and display productivity apps. My eyes kept returning to the back of Ryan’s head. The hipster demo guy finished with loud applause for his witty commentary and edgy presentation. I wouldn’t have been able to repeat a single word he’d just said.

Last on the agenda was the announcement of new employees who had joined the org within the last quarter. They listed out all of the names, including mine, on the large screens displayed behind the podium. The CVP then requested all the new employees to stand.

Seriously, had I just heard him right? I can’t do that! Ryan would see me. Maybe I could just opt out of this and no one would be the wiser. I sat firmly in my seat, ignoring the request from our CVP, hoping I could just fade into the crowd.

“Julia! Get up!” implored Mia.

“No!” I whispered desperately. “Shh... Really, I’m fine. No one cares.”

“C’mon, be a good sport.” Mia practically lifted me out of my chair, standing and pulling my arm up.

Fuckity fuck shit. Under coercion and physical duress, I unwillingly stood up, trying not to look in Ryan’s direction. Please don’t look behind you, Ryan. Please, please, please don’t look behind you.

I continued to divert my eyes from the rows in front of me. I had a fake smile frozen on my face. After what seemed like agonizing eternity, they finally asked us to sit back down. Before I sat, I finally give in to where my eyes wanted to go and snuck a peek at Ryan. He was staring directly at me and he wasn’t smiling.