GL: Janice was a narcissist. That much is clear. But your father cared for you. Cares for you.
NL: Sure.
GL: He does, Noah. You're his only child. He loves you. Why would you doubt that?
NL: Know where my father was during all this?
GL: [SPECIALIST SHAKES HEAD]
NL: Out of town. As usual.
17
I felt the knife plunge into my heart.
My eyes snapped open. I hadn't been asleep, but every time my lids closed, the dream came back to haunt me.
Black Suit was always there, lurking in my mind.
Promising relief this time, even as he executed me.
I was sitting in a small copse of cedars bordering the gym, my back against one of the gnarly trunks. My eyes felt itchy and grainy, allergic to the sun. My whole body ached. I'd have traded my trust fund for eight good hours of sleep, but I didn't dare risk it. I'd taken my pill only an hour earlier in Lowell's office.
Who was this killer I'd created? Lowell never got into that. As I thought more about it, the things my psychiatrist didn't ask me about made less sense. But I was too wiped to think straight.
I'd watched the Announcement by myself. Scared to death. My dad had sent me a single text message from Rome, telling me to adjust the sprinklers for fall. Insisting that all the asteroid hysteria was "total BS."
And he'd been right. Which kinda pissed me off, as crazy as that sounds. A busted clock having the correct time by accident. Then the Nolans figured out my dad was gone, and the whole crew showed up at my door.
I couldn't say no. It wasn't worth the fight.
Which wasn't all bad. It had been nice having company after being alone. Ethan and I played ping-pong while the girls watched Dubsmash videos. Toby told a bunch of crazy stories about the liberty camp while gorging on my chips. But then some of the others got rowdy and loud. I'd seriously considered slipping away from my own house.
I rubbed my face, wondered briefly whether I could get up if I wanted to.
What would happen if I just slept here?
The Nolan brothers had broken into my dad's liquor cabinet, and before long half the group was tanked. Ethan had gotten colder by the minute, swearing he'd find out what happened to his Jeep. Then Sarah had stalked me like a carnival prize, as if our breakup the year before never happened. She'd suggested we take a walk down to the waterfront. I'd played as dumb as possible, even hiding in the bathroom at one point. She was still gorgeous, but something about her scared the crap out of me. There was a reason we'd only lasted two months.
When the fireworks started, we'd piled into the Nolans' disgusting van and drove from place to place like circus morons. Toby and Mike started breaking anything within reach. It'd taken twenty minutes to convince Ethan that buzzing the trailer park was a terrible idea. I'd been stuck with them for hours. Yesterday had been just as bad. People too jacked up, right when I needed things to calm down.
An earthquake sure didn't help. Thanks a lot, Mother Nature.
I closed my eyes again. Debated whether I'd even go to class. Nobody would say anything, except maybe Myers. But who was he going to tell? My father was busy getting loaded in another hemisphere.
I had the sudden impression of being watched. Opening my eyes, I spotted Min Wilder striding across the parking lot.
"Hey! Noah!"
What?
I scrambled to my feet, then felt foolish for doing so. Tried to act natural. Which was difficult, since the two of us talking wasn't natural. Min didn't mix with me and my friends these days at all. Not after the birthday party fiasco two years ago, when for some crazy reason I'd talked the girls into including her and then she didn't even bother showing up.
Her gray eyes sparkled with intensity. I didn't get a friendly vibe.
I yawned into my fist, a nervous habit I was powerless to prevent. Min always made me uncomfortable. I don't know why, but I felt like she could see right through me. Her gaze had a penetrating quality that made me feel like a fraud.
Which I was. Which is why I avoided her. Which wasn't possible right then.
"We need to talk."
I answered without thinking. "We never talk."
"Thanks for the tip." Min ran a hand through her glossy black hair, then briefly pinched the bridge of her nose. She's exhausted. The last few days had been rough on everyone, I guess.
There was an awkward pause.
"What's up?" I blurted. Then wanted to kick myself for sounding like a jackass.
"You're a patient of Dr. Lowell's, right?"
I nearly jumped. I don't know what I'd been expecting, but it wasn't that.
"I don't know who told you whatever, but I'm not supposed-"
"I know you see him, Noah. It's a small town."
I hesitated. "So what if I do?"
"Say 'yes,' for starters." Her stormy eyes dug into mine. I could swear she was taking my measure, and I was coming up short.
I gave in. "Fine. Yes. Dr. Lowell is my psychiatrist."
Min nodded, like an interrogator who'd forced a key admission. "I see him, too."
That surprised me. Why would Min see a shrink? I remembered something vague about her running away when we were little, but didn't know the details.
Another pause. My shoulders tensed. "Are you having problems with Lowell?" I asked, before I'd thought better of it.
Where'd that come from? I don't want to have this conversation.
But my question broke the spell. "Do you trust him?" Min asked, eyeing me intently.
"Of course." Flustered. "Why ask that?"
"Because I don't." She closed the distance between us. "I've been his patient since I was ten, and I don't think I've ever trusted him."
I was reeling. I'd been seeing Lowell for almost the exact same amount of time.
And trusted him completely.
"Why are you telling me this?" Her presence was everywhere. Piercing eyes. Shampoo smell. The delicate curve of her neck. I began to sweat.
"I found something." Min glanced around to make sure we weren't being overheard. It should've been comical, but it wasn't. "Last night in Lowell's office. There are things you need to see. Something big is going on, and you and I are part of it. Maybe the whole town."
I stared, unable to respond. My mind flashed back to that morning. Dr. Lowell, angry and off his game, shoveling files into his cabinet. Deep inside me, a voice was shouting in agreement. With a shock, I realized it had been there for years.
Min was standing close. Waiting. Needing something from me.
A connection was forming. I just needed to embrace it. Be as brave as she was.
But I never had the chance.
"There you are."
Our heads whipped as one. Tack stepped onto the curb. Deep purple bruises ringed a black eye so complete it looked like a Halloween gag. "Missed you at the gate, Min. You walk in?"
"Sorry. I was in a hurry and couldn't wait."
"To see Noah, it looks like." Spoken with a slight edge.
Her lips quirked. "That a problem?"
"Of course not. I just-" Tack looked at me, then changed what he'd been going to say. "We never discussed our next move." Talking around me, but I was too confused to be offended.
"I said I was going to talk to Noah. I'm doing it right now."
Something passed between them. Tack nodded tightly.
All my insecurities came crashing back. What did these two want with me?
A dark blur fluttered by my ear. Tack's head jerked back an instant before something struck him in the face. He staggered back as howls of laughter erupted behind me.
I spun, winced inwardly. Ethan and some of the others were cutting through the parking lot.
"You can borrow that!" Toby pointed to his copy of The Count of Monte Cristo, now lying in the grass. "Actually, read it and tell me what happens. I thought we were asteroid meat and never bothered."
Chris Nolan laughed, elbowing his twin brother, but Ethan remained uncharacteristically silent. His gaze bounced from Min, to Tack, to me. I looked away.
Great. The last thing I need.
"Noah?" Ethan said quietly.
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing over there?" He was staring a hole through my head. And not just him-Sarah was watching me as she chatted with Jessica and Derrick a few yards up the walkway.
Unconsciously, my shoulders hunched. "I was sitting under a tree. They came over to ask me something."
Ethan glanced at Min. "Well? Why do you want Noah? Looking for arson tips?"
Looks were exchanged behind Ethan's back. No one seriously thought Min and Tack had firebombed his Wrangler, but Ethan wanted it to be true. So to him, it was.
And yet . . . I actually didn't know. I'd been there when Ethan punched Tack in the courtyard. I'd even tried to stop that nonsense, hoping to distract Ethan from going in for more damage. Thankfully, Myers had taken care of it.
Min had been furious with Ethan. I'd met her eye once, during the fight. As crazy as it sounds, part of me thought Ethan might be right. Min struck me as a person who'd get revenge without needing to take credit for it.
Not that I was going to voice that opinion. The hell I was getting involved. I spent my days avoiding exactly these types of situations.
"Did your fortune-teller say we did it?" Tack said. "You should've asked if your Jeep was in danger in the first place. Headed things off at the pass." That kid never knew when to shut up.