Neighbor Dearest(9)
I remained silent, shaking my head in disbelief.
He continued, “That really happened? Sounds like something out of a bad book.”
“Yes, it really happened. What else did you hear?”
“Christ, I’m not judging you, Chelsea. I could care less about all of it. It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
“That therapist is ripping you off.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She’s pulling unicorns out of her ass just to get you to keep questioning everything so you keep paying her money. Tell me this. After all these weeks, are you any closer to feeling better, figuring it all out?”
“No.”
“That’s because sometimes there isn’t a satisfying explanation for everything. You want an answer? Shit happens. There’s your answer. People fall out of love, in love, fuck up. It’s part of life. You didn’t do anything wrong. Stop trying to figure out what you did wrong.”
Closing my eyes, I let his words resonate. To my surprise, my eyes were welling up. Not because he was yelling at me, but because it was the first time it really sank in that there was nothing I could have done to stop what happened. And that maybe it wasn’t all my fault.
I finally spoke again. “I wasn’t always so insecure. It’s just…the experience with him—with Elec—has really been a defining moment in my life because it’s made me question everything. I thought I did everything right to make that relationship work. I believed he loved me, and I felt safe with him, saw my entire future with him. I would have bet my life on it. I just feel like I won’t be able to ever trust anyone with my heart again. That scares me, because I don’t want to end up alone. I really thought he was the one.”
“Well, clearly, he wasn’t. You just have to accept that and move on. I know that’s easier said than done, but that’s what it comes down to. You have no choice but to accept it, so it’s up to you whether you want to waste more time living in the past, trying to solve an insoluble problem instead of moving on with your life.”
God, he was right.
I cracked a smile. “How did you get to be so smart?”
“This is all common sense.”
“No. Not just this. I mean…MIT?”
“How did you find out about that?”
“So, the rumor’s true?”
“Yes. I went there, but it’s not something I brag about.”
“You should be very proud of yourself. That’s amazing.”
“It’s not that amazing. People fighting for our country…kids battling cancer…those are amazing people. Sitting in a physics class with a bunch of other nerds is hardly amazing.”
“You’re hardly a nerd, Damien.”
“Not on the surface, no.”
“I would have never guessed based on…”
“Based on what?”
“How you look…that you went to MIT.”
“Why? Because I have ink and work out?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just you’re…”
Effing gorgeous. And no one as hot as you could possibly be equally as smart.
“Never mind,” I said.
I closed my eyes again, relishing the new clarity brought on by his straightforward advice.
After a long moment of silence, he said, “I’m headed out. Murray’s coming to patch the hole in the wall tomorrow afternoon. If you’re at work, he’ll let himself in.”
“Thank you.”
Oddly, I wasn’t sure I minded the hole anymore.
CHAPTER FIVE
BURNIN’ DOWN THE HOUSE
My landlord followed through with his promise. The very next day, Murray had plastered over the hole, thus killing any chance of future impromptu therapy sessions with Dr. Damien.
In fact, an entire week went by without a single altercation between D.H. Hennessey and me.
The dogs were still barking every morning, but I didn’t dare go near them long enough to complain. Now that I knew his ex dropped them off, if I happened to be up, I’d watch from the window to see if I could catch a glimpse of her.
One day, I managed to look out at just the right time, spotting a girl around my age with short brown hair racing into the apartment building with the two rottweilers. I then ran to my door, cracking it open a bit to spy as she passed down the hallway. She’d whizzed by so fast that I really didn’t get a very good look, except to see that she was curvier than me.
After five minutes, I could hear her footsteps as she left his apartment. Watching from the window as she ran through the courtyard, I wondered what type of a relationship they had now, whether it was amicable, whether they ever still had sex. I wondered who ended it. I also wondered why I was thinking about something that wasn’t any of my business—why as of late, I was constantly thinking about Damien. One thing was for certain: it was a hell of a lot better than constantly thinking about Elec.