“How long has he known?”
“For about five years. My mother wanted us both to get tested for it, because it took my father so young. There was a fifty percent chance that either of us had it. I tested negative. When Damien realized he has the same condition that killed Dad, he became convinced that the same thing would happen to him. That’s partly why he bought that building. He decided he didn’t want to spend precious time working the daily grind. He preferred to spend his days doing what he loved, making art.”
“Is everyone with this disease destined to die young?”
“No, that’s the thing. Many live completely normal lives. There is just no way to know.”
“But Damien is convinced he’ll die young?”
“Yes. And that’s why he refuses to get involved with you, because he doesn’t want what happened to my mother, to happen to you.”
“Why couldn’t he tell me?”
“Because he knew you would say it didn’t matter. He didn’t want you to know. He wanted you to move on, find someone else, so that you never had to get hurt. It kills him to push you away, because he’s crazy about you.”
I had to stop to compose myself. It was an overwhelming a-ha moment. It was like he’d just handed me a gigantic missing puzzle piece. Everything finally made sense.
Damien’s words from our conversation on the beach in Santa Cruz rang out in my mind.
“My heart is broken.”
It finally made sense!
“He’s crazy.”
Ty chuckled. “I tell him that all the time.”
“What are the doctors discussing with him right now?”
“When Damien’s doctor from Stanford found out he was here, he made a special trip to come down here and see him.” Ty scratched his chin. “Okay, so there’s another part to this story. For some time now, Damien’s cardiologists have been trying to convince him to have open-heart surgery.”
“Oh, my God.” My heart was pounding uncontrollably.
“Yeah. He’s scared. He thinks the surgery alone might kill him. It absolutely terrifies him, but more and more, it’s seeming like something he should consider.”
“What will the surgery do to help?”
“They would basically remove part of the overgrown muscle to help blood flow. They think it would improve his quality of life as time goes on and might lengthen his life expectancy. But there are serious risks with that type of surgery. Remember our trip to Los Angeles…when you watched the dogs?”
“Yeah.”
“We’d gone to speak to a specialist at Cedar Sinai. He has doctors there and at Stanford.”
“Wow.”
“That trip to L.A. was when I realized Damien was really falling for you. He wouldn’t stop talking about you.”
“I love him,” I said without hesitation. It was the first time I’d said it out loud, but far from the first time I’d said it.
“I know. I can tell.”
“What do I do?”
“Don’t listen to the asshole. He’s going to continue to try to convince you that it’s best not to get involved with him. He will fight you tooth and nail. He thinks every day could be his last. There’s good and bad that comes from that attitude. He lives each day like it’s his last, yet the one thing that could make him the happiest, he won’t allow himself out of fear of hurting you. He’s a selfless person, but he should let you make the decision. He’s trying to make it for you because he thinks he knows what’s best for you.”
“He’s what’s best for me.” I stood up from the bench and started pacing. “I need to see him. Can I tell him you told me everything?”
“Yes. I’ll deal with his wrath. It was time, especially after what happened today. If he had his way, you’d still be in the dark. He never had any intention of telling you he was here.”
“I believe it.”
“He’s really stubborn.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“We should go back inside,” he said.
“Okay.”
When we got back to Damien’s floor, Ty said, “I’ll let you have some time with him. You’ll need it. I’m gonna get some coffee down at the cafeteria.”
“Okay. Thank you, Ty.”
I slowly approached Damien’s room. Through a small narrow window in the door, I could see he was fully dressed and sitting up at the edge of the bed. Knocking three times, I inhaled deeply then exhaled before entering.
His eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when he saw me standing there. He said nothing. He didn’t ask me what I was doing there. He just stared at me for the longest time, looking straight into my glistening eyes that gave everything away without my even having to say anything.