Prologue
Nevaeh
I sat staring sightlessly at my computer as Mom picked up the tray still holding the untouched snack she’d brought me earlier. I felt her honey-brown eyes drilling into me, trying to figure out what to say to make last weekend disappear.
My parents were amazing, and I knew if anyone could make what happened even marginally better, they would. But not even they could erase what went down in New York the previous weekend.
At the door, she hesitated. “Nev, I love you. You know that, right?”
I didn’t even look away from the computer screen as I whispered, “I know, and I love you too, Mom.”
A few moments later, I heard the door click shut behind her, and I closed my eyes. But shutting my eyes only made images of what happened flash in my mind, and I quickly snapped them open, fighting back a fresh wave of tears.
For someone who had an IQ of 178, I’d acted pretty stupid when I’d gone to New York with my grandfather for a charity event. We’d stopped in Northern Virginia to pick up my cousin Mia and her roommate Braxton. I’d been having crazy daydreams about the sexy as hell Brax from the moment I’d seen him during a Skype chat with Mia weeks before, and I’d been just as excited to meet him as I’d been to spend time with my friend.
But from the moment he stepped onto PopPop’s private jet, Brax had barely looked at me. My opinion—along with my heart—had only dropped more and more as the evening had worn on, and then Mia had discovered Braxton and her boyfriend had been keeping something huge from her. Mom and I were still a little pissed at Daddy because he’d been a part of the whole scheme, while Mia was so heartbroken, my own heart had ached from her pain.
As Mia had hidden out in her room in the hotel suite where we were staying, I’d spent the time with Braxton. He’d been quiet, brooding, and I actually felt sorry for him. It was obvious he was regretful for his part in keeping Mia in the dark about the fact that he was part of her secret security detail, and for some reason, I couldn’t stand the thought of him hurting any more than I could Mia.
But the next day, he left with Mia, going back to Northern Virginia, while I had to stay behind and go to the charity event with PopPop.
All evening, all I could think about was Braxton—and how much I really wanted him to be my first kiss. My first everything.
Not that I expected him to want that too. Hell, I wasn’t even sixteen yet, and Braxton wasn’t just some boy. He was a man, and I knew he wouldn’t be into teaching me all the things I was dying to experience for the first time. Especially not me , the awkward girl who freaked out everyone who wasn’t family with how I blurted out the oddest and most random things without warning. He’d already shown me he wasn’t interested—emphatically. Hell, he could barely even look at me during the little time we’d spent together.
Yet that didn’t stop me from fantasizing about it.
How his firm lips would feel against my softer, plumper ones. How he would taste. Where he would touch me—would he pull me hard against him or carefully cup the back of my head? I’d sensed both gentleness and a caged, feral predator in him, and I wanted to experience both sides of Braxton Collins.
I’d been so lost in all the possibilities, I’d drifted away from PopPop without realizing it. And it wasn’t until Dax Brightmore, the newest heartthrob in Hollywood and a total tool if ever there was one, spoke to me that I was pulled back into reality. He’d just turned eighteen and already had some major box office movies under his belt, along with the bank account that went with it.
Most girls my age would have no doubt screamed and cried and thrown themselves at Dax as soon as they saw him.
I wasn’t most girls.
For one, the whole celebrity thing didn’t faze me. My dad was a Demon, and my grandfather was the biggest rock legend in the music industry. I’d been dealing with celebrities of every variety from birth.
For another, I’d already met Dax on several other occasions, and he left a lot to be desired. He was full of himself, high off his popularity—and probably something a hell of a lot stronger from the way his eyes were dilated. Each time I’d met him, he’d tried asking me out, but I wasn’t interested.
No one had ever really interested me. Not until Braxton.
Realizing I was alone in a room with Dax had made me nervous, and I didn’t understand why until he grabbed me and kissed me.
I’d been so shocked, it had taken a few heartbeats before I’d started to fight him, trying to get away from him. But he was stronger than me, and I couldn’t get him to release me.
PopPop saved me, jerking Dax away from me and punching him in the face.
I’d stepped back, scrubbing my hands over my bruised mouth, already crying.
It wasn’t a gentle kiss, nor was it full of passion. It was greedy and violent. I didn’t feel wanted; I felt violated and ashamed. The taste of his mouth made me want to gag. I could still taste it on my tongue, and it made me shudder every time I licked my lips.
He’d stolen it. My first kiss was taken from me.
I couldn’t give it to Braxton or anyone else now.
It was only a kiss; it wasn’t like he’d groped me or even tried to rape me. Yet I felt deprived of something special, dirty and used, and I realized no one would ever want to kiss me now.
My phone blaring my ringtone jerked me out of my nightmare. Scrubbing a hand over my wet eyes, I saw it was Mia calling and swallowed the lump that had filled my throat. I didn’t want to talk to her—or anyone else—but it was her birthday, so I couldn’t just let her go to voice mail.
Picking it up, I walked over to my bed and dropped down onto my stomach before answering. “Happy birthday, Mia!” I greeted as chipperly as I could, given that I was still fighting tears.
“Kitten…” Braxton’s voice had me gasping and sitting upright on the edge of my bed, my heart throbbing as a fresh wave of tears flooded down my face. Just the sound of his voice had calmed my anxiety and the nightmare that lived in my head, blocking everything else but what happened, making it disappear for the first time since it took place. “Are you okay?”
I pressed the palm of my free hand into my forehead, wondering if I was hallucinating hearing his voice instead of Mia’s. But he’d called me “kitten.” Only one person had ever called me that. Braxton.
“Nevaeh?” his deep voice rasped my name when I didn’t answer him.
“I-I’m here.” I finally found my voice to reply. “Why are you calling me?”
“Mia’s mom said something happened last weekend. I just wanted to make sure you are okay.” He blew out what sounded like a frustrated sigh. “Are you?”
“Am I what?” I muttered, still trying to wrap my head around the object of my every fantasy actually calling me.
“Okay,” he growled. “Are you okay, Kitten?”
“I’m fine,” I gritted out, more than a little frustrated myself as the nightmare flooded back into my mind, pushing out everything else. Everyone kept asking if I was okay, and the truth was I didn’t know if I was or not. But they all seemed to want to hear that I was fine, so that was what I told them every time.
“Liar,” he muttered so quietly, I almost didn’t hear him. “Do you… I don’t know, maybe you want to talk about what happened?”
I clamped my mouth shut before the words could escape. I wanted to tell him everything, and I didn’t understand why. I hadn’t told anyone the complete details of the incident. All my parents knew was what PopPop had told them, and even he didn’t know the full extent of it. Just that he’d found some guy kissing me and knocked him on his ass.
They didn’t know I felt ashamed that I had let some guy even touch me, let alone kiss me. I hated that I couldn’t stop him myself, that I was so weak and trapped I couldn’t even cry for help. I felt violated and used, and I didn’t understand why when a kiss was all he’d taken from me.
And not understanding something just wasn’t acceptable to me.
“Mia and Barrick made up, so if you’re still up for it, you can move in with us when you come to school out here next semester,” he informed me, changing the subject when I remained silent.
That definitely caught my attention. “I’ll be living with you?”
Oh shit. How was I going to handle living under the same roof with him when all I wanted was to give him every single one of my other firsts? And despite Dax stealing my first kiss, I still had plenty of other firsts to give away to whomever I wanted.
“Yeah, we were just talking about it at dinner. Mia’s parents are on board with it and said they would discuss it with your mom and dad.”
“And I’m sure you’re thrilled about that,” I said with a roll of my eyes, realizing the true reason he was calling. “Look, I’ll talk to them and figure something out. You won’t even have to see me once I start school.”
“What? No,” he grumbled. “It was my idea for you to live with us, Kitten. Ask Mia if you don’t believe me.”
“Maybe I’m the one who should be asking ‘are you okay?’” A laugh escaped me, and for a moment, it sounded foreign to my ears because I hadn’t laughed in over a week. “You seemed like you couldn’t even stand to be around me the other day, Braxton. Why would you want me living under the same roof with you for months at a time?”