The first: I am going to put some guards on you, won’t even notice them, sorry about all this
The second: I will call you when I get to NY on Thursday
The third: A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him, and says "For you, no charge."
I frowned at the phone and the messages. He might as well have sent me hieroglyphics. After a long while I set the phone back on the counter and crossed back to the couch. I sat and stared then laid down in sudden exhaustion. My head was spinning. I didn’t understand men. They made no sense and behave erratically.
I knew I was still in my clothes and I realized I hadn’t brushed my teeth but I couldn’t bring myself to move. I felt paralyzed by confusion. I decided, as I succumbed to sleep, that men should come with manuals, subtitles, and reset buttons.
~*~
I’ve come to rely on my knitting group to be my compass in all things confusing and difficult to comprehend; this usually means relationships and interactions with other humans… er, people. My ladies have helped me navigate everything from precarious office politics to dealings with my ex’s mother. And this is why they are supportive and engaged when I explain to them my current situation with Quinn.
It was Tuesday night and we were gathered in Sandra’s roomy two bedroom apartment. Fiona was the only one missing, having to stay home at the last minute as her daughter was sick with the flu. Most of us had a drink in our hand and I’d just finished passing the evil cell phone around so they could all read the texts. I also just finished giving them a Cliff Notes version of the last week.
They were all silent. Ashley staring off into space, Marie frowning at a half knitted sweater, Sandra standing at the entrance to her kitchen leaning against the wall as though in heavy contemplation, Kat watching me with a cloudy mixture of introspection and trepidation, and Elizabeth was still scrolling through Quinn’s texts.
Ashley was the first to pipe up, her thick Tennessee accent makes even this sound charming, “I think he was upset about that guy in the park and that’s why he turned down your hot bod.”
Some of them nodded in agreement, some of them continued to stare unseeingly.
I sighed. “But, how interested could he really be? By the mighty power of Thor! I threw myself at him!”
Elizabeth frowned at me, “Did you really just say: ‘by the mighty power of Thor!’”
“I’m trying to cuss less.”
Some of them nodded in agreement, some of them continued to stare unseeingly.
I sighed. “I think I completely messed up. I think he thinks I’m pathetic and he’s just trying avoid me by making up some trip so he doesn’t have to talk to me.”
Marie shook her head, her blonde shampoo commercial hair bouncing around her face, “No. That’s not it.” She sounded so certain, “That’s definitely not it.”
Elizabeth nodded in agreement, “I agree with Marie. The boy is hot for you.”
Some of them nodded in agreement, some of them continued to stare unseeingly.
I sighed. “Then why did he turn down my advances?” I couldn’t help the frustration in my voice. I knew part of my frustration was due to his absence. I’d been spoiled by seeing him almost every day last week and now I missed him. I thought last Saturday, as he surveyed my apartment, that he didn’t belong there, in my life. But now the absence of him made me feel like I was forever trying to catch my breath.
And it had only been two days.
“Well, hell girl! He just watched you get man-handled by a creepy neck-tattooed skinhead.” Sandra said as she pushed away from the wall and joined us in the living room, “If he wasn’t interested then he wouldn’t be stuffing your cell phone inbox with messages. I think he’s worried about you.”
“Also, hon, you may not have been as transparent with your advances as you believe. I’ve seen you, you’re not a skilled flirter. It’s usually hard to watch.” Ashley grimaced, likely thinking back to one of my awkward flirting attempts.
Kat said quietly, “I don’t understand his reaction to the guy in the park. It sounds like he completely overreacted. Janie, is there anything else? Did the guy threaten you?”
I shook my head, “No. I just bumped into him. He was scary but, other than grab my arms he didn’t do anything.”
“But didn’t McHotpants say he knew the guy?” Sandra poked me with a carrot before dipping it into a vat of blue cheese dressing and biting into it with a solid crunch.
“It was vague, something like he thought he looked familiar. I don’t know.” I pressed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets then allowed the back of my head to fall against the tall chair behind me. “I mean, if you think about it, the first time I spoke to Quinn was only four weeks ago. I don’t really know him at all. Maybe the guy in the park actually freaked him out and I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just not into me and I’m right. Maybe Quinn is an alien and is finished with his study of humankind and no longer has use for me as a specimen.”