Hadley kept her voice neutral. “She was fortunate that someone found her.”
“I thought it was bad that Maggie’s grandmother left her with us. This is so much worse. How could any mother abandon her child like that?”
“Not every woman is cut out for motherhood.” Hadley thought about all the families she’d worked for in the last five years and all the stories shared by her fellow nannies. “Sometimes the responsibility is more than they can handle.”
“You mean they wish they’d never given birth.”
Trying her best to hide a wince, Hadley responded, “I mean that parenting can be challenging, and sometimes if a woman has to do it alone, she might not feel capable.”
“Perhaps if she’s young and without financial means, I could understand, but what can you say about a woman who has family and fortune and turns her back on her children so she can pursue her career?”
Not wanting to sound as if she were picking sides, Hadley chose her next words carefully. “That she acted in her best interest and not in the best interest of her children.”
Liam crossed to the sofa and joined Hadley. A huge gust of air escaped his lungs as he picked up her hand and squeezed her fingers. “Maggie must never know that her grandmother left her with us the way she did. I won’t have her wondering why she didn’t want to keep her.”
This was the true source of Liam’s disquiet, Hadley realized. Whether he acknowledged it or not, being abandoned by his mother had sabotaged his ability to trust women. And where did that leave Hadley?
Liam could feel the concern rolling off Hadley as he spoke. He’d grown attuned to her moods since their days in Vail and didn’t have to see her expression to know her thoughts.
Hadley covered their clasped hands with her free one and squeezed. “It’s okay to be angry with your mother for not being there for you.”
The knot of emotions in his chest tightened at her words. Not once as a child had he seen his grandfather demonstrate anything but understanding toward the daughter who’d run out on her children. Liam had grown up thinking that what his mother had done was acceptable, while inside him was a howling banshee of anger and hurt that was never given a voice.
“You might feel better if you talked through how it made you feel.”
“I don’t know how to begin.” The words, long bottled up inside him, were poised to explode. “I grew up thinking it was okay that she chose to leave us with Grandfather.”
“Why?”
“She had a career that she loved, and like you said earlier, she really wasn’t cut out to be a mom. She got pregnant when she was seventeen. Our father was on the rodeo circuit and had no interest in settling down to raise a family. Mother felt the same way. Grandfather always said she had big dreams.” Liam offered up a bitter laugh. “I guess Kyle and I are lucky she decided to have us at all.”
Hadley’s shocked intake of breath left Liam regretting the venomous statement.
“You don’t mean that.”
“No,” he agreed. “Although I’ve thought it a hundred times, I don’t think she ever considered terminating her pregnancy. In that respect, she didn’t take the easy way out.”
“Getting back to what you said earlier, growing up did you really think that it was okay she left you with your grandfather, or was that just a coping mechanism?”
“In my mind, I understood her decision. I can’t explain to you why that made sense. Maybe because it happened when we were babies and I never knew any different. But recently I started realizing that deep down inside, I hated her for leaving us.”
He’d coped by becoming a champion rider. Throwing himself into competition had preoccupied him in his teenage years. The closer he’d gotten to manhood, the less he thought about his mother’s absence. The day he’d kissed a girl for the first time, he’d stopped caring.
“Grandfather wasn’t exactly the most affectionate guy in the world, but he loved us in his tough-guy way. It might have been different if we were girls, but growing up on the ranch, we had more father figures than anyone could ever want.”
“You sound very well adjusted.” Her tone said otherwise. “Do you think not having a mother affected your relationships with women?”
“You mean because I never got married?”
“You have a well-earned reputation for being a playboy. I can’t imagine you trusted your heart after what your mother did.”
“I’ll admit to having a wandering eye when it came to women, but that’s changed.”
“Just because you think you’re ready to settle down doesn’t mean you’ve learned to trust.” She smiled to take the sting out of the words, but her eyes reflected wariness.