Mystic Cowboy(76)

“I didn’t think you could do something like that. I didn’t think you lied.” He had the nerve to look hurt. “Anna...”

Beneath the ice that had her frozen to this spot on the floor, she felt a simmering rage build. What the hell did his ex-wife have to do with any of this? “And you think I lie to you too?”

He looked at the ground and sort of shrugged his shoulders. “No...”

That was the loudest maybe she’d ever heard. The rage went from simmer to roiling boil in a flash. “You listen to me, Rebel Runs Fast. A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. No one wants to do anything for anyone on the White Sandy. This is what it takes to get the medical supply place to stay open late, to get filing cabinets loaded, to get lab results in a hurry.” She thought she was shouting, but she didn’t give a shit. He opened his mouth to say something, but she didn’t give him the chance. “I would think that you, of all people, would understand that sometimes you have to be the person everyone wants you to be, not the person you really are.” His head jerked like she’d slapped him. Good. She was hitting a nerve. “And I’ve got news for you. I will not stand here and be made to feel the sinner just because I’m trying to help you and your little delusional visions out, understand? If you don’t like how I get things done, well, there’s the door.”

Her words settled around her in the silence that followed, and she realized what she’d actually just said. She’d called him delusional. And told him to leave.

And now he was just looking at her, his face staggered with shock.

Damn it all to hell, she felt like she was going to throw up. The regret from her little speech whipped around the self-loathing from Leon the Troll until there was nothing left but gut-shaking revulsion. She wouldn’t blame him if he did walk out that door. And if he walked out, well, would she really have anyone to blame but herself? She closed her eyes and took a cleansing breath, which didn’t help much.

Which meant that when Rebel spoke, she was completely unprepared for what he said. “Hiya, Clarence.”

Madeline’s eyes flew open to find Clarence filling the doorway, looking cautiously at the two of them.

“Hiya, Rebel.” He cleared his throat. “Doc.” His brow furrowed as he looked at her, as if he was asking if everything was okay.

It was a question she could not answer, not now, and maybe not ever.

“Catch you later, Clarence,” Rebel said, patting the big man on the shoulder as he walked out the door.

She watched him go, and then went and threw up in the bathroom.

So much for not perfect.





Chapter Fifteen

Rebel crouched in the sweat lodge, trying to clear his mind. He needed to get right with the world, but at this exact moment, he was anything but right.

He was starting to think he’d been wrong.

He poured another ladle of water over the stones and braced himself as the steam smacked him in the face. Man, he needed this. He needed something, anything to fill the void Madeline had left in his chest for the last three days. And a good sweat was the best option he had right now. Hell, who was he kidding? It was the only option.

Settling back into his spot, he worked on being still. It didn’t come easy today, but then, today was Saturday, and he was out of the habit of being still on the weekends. Starting with his feet, he tensed and relaxed every muscle in his body. Calves, thighs, butt cheeks, stomach, shoulders, biceps—each muscle in turn tightened and then went still in the wet heat of the lodge.

Except for his mind. His mind was already tense, and no amount of effort on his behalf could relax the gnawing sense of wrongness that had followed him like a cartoon dark cloud for days now.

Shit, what was he doing? He should be in a river, holding a beautiful woman who loved him in his arms while the water washed him clean. Instead, he was sitting in a claustrophobic sweat lodge during the hot part of a Saturday afternoon with Jesse, Walter White Mouse, Burt Speaks Loud and, for once, Nobody Bodine. He should be glad he was here to make sure Nobody was included. He was actively doing his job as medicine man to the tribe. Jesse was thinking about a job, Walter was praying his plumbing kept working, Burt was worried about Irma and, well, he didn’t know what had drawn Nobody out in broad daylight. But that didn’t matter. He was here for his friends, his family. He should be glad he was doing his job well.

But he wasn’t. All he could think about was Madeline. About how she’d looked like she was drinking four-day-old coffee when she’d been making all sorts of phony promises for some strange man. About how, when he’d opened his own fool mouth when he knew full well he should have kept it shut, she’d looked like he’d said he’d laced that coffee with arsenic. And, more than anything, about how she’d come up swinging, her face twisted as she spit her words out like they were weapons and he was the target. “There’s the door.” The words had sliced him down the center. He, of all people, should know about faking it. And she hadn’t been faking that.